what is your opinion on this situation...

[mummyof2kidsx]

a family in the car, married couple with 2 kids 2 and 4. before leaving house mum said to dad, do you have the money, dad says yes. get to shops, mum says to dad in car "can i have the bank card". dad says what bank card? mum moans "u said you had it " argument happens, mum moaning dad says horrible things to mum, swearing at her etc...mum frustrated and wound up, doesnt know what to say so punches dad in arm (feeble woman punch) dad turns round and punches her 3-4 times in legs and arms. says to mum if you can hit like a man you can be hit like a man too... then blames mum for being evil and horrible..

is mum or dad at fault????

Both are for punching each other.

All the children are learning is that when frustrated, wound up and unable to say something resort to hitting and when you have been hit, hit back.

I would say dad is totally out of order. Has this happened before?

You know the problem with physical abuse is the headfuck that goes with it. Everyone thinks if they were hit they'd get out. They don't realise that they might be confused and wonder if it were their fault...

i agree, mum shouldnt have punched dad, BUT it was more like a dig in the arm as if to say "dont talk to me like that!", dad physically grabbed mum and punched her...

yes this has happened before and yes her head is fucked because she can't even remember if it was her fault or not! she cant even remember what the exact words were to make her so frustrated she had to do that...BUT they were along the lines of evil, cow, horror, c**

Punching him wasn't a great move, but be forgiving of yourself. You are questioning your behaviour; does he?

and the most vulgar of swear words

I would say this is a totally unhealthy relationship.

Just as an aside my DP has always said to me that if i lamp him one, expect to get lamped back. Fortunately, this has never happened.

You did this in front of the children?

He is abusive.

She should call Women's Aid and discuss this example with them. They will understand and can help her think about her future.

Does she realise that she cannot make things better in this relationship? He wants the power and control and enjoys making her feel bad.

why are you together?

You hit him first. If he'd have thrown the first punch he'd be getting ripped to shreds by MN

Either way it sounds v unhealthy and something that the children shouldn't have witnessed.

Women's Aid

They both behaved disgustingly seeing as it was infront of children, the dad only slightly more so.

yes this was in front of the kids... feel horrible about it :(

That should of said....out of curiousity why are you together? I didn't mean it to sound as 'bald' a statment as that. It just doesn't sound that healthy a realtionship to me.. ( and any physical violence, by anyone, is a no no in my book - hitting each other or smacking children..)

He landed the first verbal punch, though, Winnie. And then it escalated from there.

Both, what a pair of twats.

ur right, it shouldnt have happened in front of the kids

Don't beat yourself up op.

Yes it was terrible behaviour infront of the kids but what is done is done.

You really need to look at this relationship. It sounds damaging and like it is not be working for this family.

Adults are suppossed to be able to talk through their frustrations. It can get heated but foul language and violence is not what should be happening.

Is this on a regular basis?

yes but not in front of the kids, his nan was there too today, in the car aswell..

Try cleaning up your act and seeing what happens. Bite your tongue when you want to lash out verbally. Restrain yourself when you feel like taking out your frustration physically. It's really hard in the car because you can't step away and take a breather. But when you can, leave the room.

And have a look at the links at the top of the EA thread because they're all about headfucks and headfuckers.

And he carried on like that in front of his nan? Is this the kind of background he comes from?
And no, I don't think it was reasonable for him to punch you hard 4 times, IGNORE anyone who says it was.

Although, tbh, from what you've said it doesn't sound as if you're doing much unhealthy stuff. He's taking one wrong move of yours as an excuse to let loose. I haven't seen reference to any verbal abuse from the mum, just that one punch.

So really, those posters treating the pair as if they are comparable are not reading carefully enough. (And apologies, I was doing the same in my last post.)

Very true, notany; I think LEM should take a careful look at her man for that reason.

CharlotteCollinsismovingon thanks for the advice. there is obviously a lot more to the situation as a whole, the thing is, i am not an agressive person, anyone who knows me know i am not like this...in fact people say i am too laid back and let people walk all over me. i know i am wrong to have hit him in the arm, it was purely out of frustration and embarrassment in fact because it was in front of his nan..., i was trying to get him to shutup.. i know this is no excuse but i wouldnt want ppl to think i am a scummy,crap mum :(

It sounds to me like a pretty normal argument that (surely?) happens in every household on occasion, and in front of children. It shouldn't be a problem, right up until 1 party takes it right outside the parameters of a 'normal' disagreement. Which (in my opinion) happened when DH threw 4 punches at you. Do you have RL support OP? I'd be really interested to hear how his nan reacted?

Op you definitely don't sound like a scummy, crap mum!