Dating thread 58 everyone welcome

[Kirstywirsty]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
   
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
   
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
   
4. Trust your gut instinct;
   
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
   
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
   
7. If it's not fun, stop
   
8. loo update is mandatory

[Moanranger]

Just checkin' in.... Saw STBXH today to let him know petition is imminent. I also told him "I know everything..." ( I actually only know a couple of things, but want him to think I know all).. His OD before our separation, current OW & how he was involved before our split - he denied it & I told him I didn't believe him. Twat.
Nothing new to report with Meet Up guy, just embarrassing amounts of sex . Sympathies to Scrazy, Wine, 55 and anyone else on the sofa.At least you're out there trying - some of the Meet Up women have given up trying entirely, which is sad, I think.

[Flipper924]

Think I'll retire to the sofa with you all for a bit. I've a lovely colourful throw for if we get a bit chilly.

Just CBA with dating at the moment. Life is enough fun without the struggle to find a man. If life also happens to throw a man in, then great.

I'll be back on pof with a vengeance before the end of the week, no doubt .

[lurkinglorna]

for pof users - women - do you generally message first?

on match.com my eventual strategy was to "wink or favourite or view lots" allowing the chap to then "show interest back" (i found when i instigated actual messages quite a few of the guys were a bit "lukewarm" as in replying back but being a bit unenthusiastic with contact).

but i wonder if i should do more "actual written hi - liked your profile messages" on pof?

[roundwindow]

I can't speak for pof as I've only been on OKCupid (where there isn't a 'wink' but there is the option to 'favourite' people, and the same thing of their seeing whenever you view) but I would say that I do generally message first, yes. If it's someone interesting. I think if I didn't they just might not look at my profile. It's generally paid off

Go for it, I'd say. Keep it short, but for god's sake don't just say 'hi, wanna play?' rolls eyes Not that I'm implying you'd do that, of course, but jeeeez you wouldn't believe the amount of people who do. That's OKC for yer, I guess...

[mercury7]

just the use of the word 'wanna' is enough to make me draw back in horror

[lubeybooby]

Hello thread 58 :o

Things are going nicely with Mr Flirt - have arranged to meet again (though not til mid August, so we might sneak one in before then too) still a bit concerned about the slight sex issues but hey. Hopefully we'll work something out. Advice on previous thread has made me more chilled about it. :)

BC has vanished off the face of the earth

I have lost two stone :o

Haven't smoked for three months :o

Business is booming :o

[bigstrongmama]

Lubeybooby - 2 stone, wow!
This online dating is tricky - only wanting to date, have a bit of fun... but living rurally, there are not many single men online within 70 miles apparently! Have looked on pof (plenty of fuckwits), guardian soulmates (lots of lovely londoners) and match (everyone seemed creepy). Is online dating really just for the city?

[AWarmFuzzyFuture]

Hi Thread 58,

Hi bigstrongmama it can seem like that when you are a bit rural. How far are you willing to travel? OD sites are variable, depends on your type/age group/preference choosing the same site as you!

Lab: am going off him...I seem to attract men who start out strong/keen/interested and then their hectic lifestyle and BS excuses means that I see less and less of them. It's still on, although I broke up with him a week ago. I am a cynical woman who knows better than to expect a person to change.


I CBA to create a profile etc, so the sofa it is for now.

Good to hear of all the positive dates/relationships/good beginnings!

WFF enters the shadows...

[Kirstywirsty]

I've unhidden my profile tonight .. Not much on the go and my heart isn't really in it .. Got a message from thesubmariner ( remember him? Told me he was a voyeur who liked to watch his partner play with toys .. I told him that perhaps I was a bit old fashioned but I'd rather meet first and decide whether I fancied someone before we started talking about what I should insert in each orifice) .. I guess I should just hide my profile again really and wait for FriendofFriend to come back

[Flipper924]

Oh. Mr 3DD's pretty blonde visitor just left (I wasn't spying, honest, I just opened my bathroom window, which looks directly at his driveway, at the right time). Same car as before. I'm suddenly very sad about it.

I don't know him at all, really, and it would have just been weird - honestly, his ex waved at me the other day when she picked up the kids, and all i could think was 'oh god, I've snogged your ex'. But it was nice to think there was another single person nearby, who I had a bit of a frisson with. Rule 2, perhaps?

Well, thank goodness nothing more did happen, or goodness only knows what I would have been like!

[Kirstywirsty]

Sorry to hear that you are a bit down flipper ..

Morning everyone!

[Kirstywirsty]

Perhaps you just weren't ready 55 .. Why not join everyone on the sofa for a while .. This lot mix good cocktails :)

[OhWesternWind]

Good morning everyone! Sorry I missed your post the other day Raf - sounds wonderful with the Oil Rigger and I'm so happy for you. Wonderful news and please keep us updated.

Kirsty it sounds like you're best off waiting for FoF. It can be even more depressing than usual when your heart's not in it.

WFF - sorry it is all going off the boil a bit with Lab. I don't mind the hectic lifestyle excuses so much but the BS boils my piss every time.

Flipper hope you feel a bit more cheerful about things soon. I know what you mean about having him in the back of your mind even though nothing was going to happen. And it can be difficult to see people getting somewhere with dating when we're not, even though we're really happy for them as well - I know I can be like that, anyway, probably you are a much nicer person

Nora sorry I hadn't realised he has depression, post was a bit insensitive in that case. But I would really advise against getting involved with someone like this as I have had bad experiences with Titto and LM who both had depression or "depression" and used it as mitigation for a variety of crap behaviours. But for a quick weekend maybe it could work out.

Lubey just fab, fab, fab.

Mama I am in the sticks and have done okay on Match and PoF but I think it all depends on area/age group and what you're looking for. I'd just message anyone remotely possible as you just never know, you could get a pleasant surprise.

Juliette hoping all is still well.

Still feeling optimistic here about old Alpha, it's good.

[scrazy]

Hi All,

Lubey well done, 3 months have gone past fast since you gave up the dreaded fags. This is something I need to address but not feeling up to it atm for obvious reasons.

I'm not allowing myself to get comfy on the sofa, I'm going to get out and about as much as possible. God it's so hard to admit defeat over LT, I'm trying though.

[Bant]

55 - ok, just to get the situation clear - you DTD on Friday night/Saturday morning, is that right? He said 'speak to you soon' when he left on Saturday lunchtimish, then you didn't hear from him. You texted him on.. Monday? And he took two days to reply saying he didn't think you'd been interested.

I dunno on this one. Not getting in touch first is a bit twattish. Not replying to your text for two days is also twattish. It's possibly true, what he says, but it sounds a bit passive aggressive - 'I didn't get in touch because you weren't enthusiastic enough'

[mercury7]

55, I would say nothing and put him behind me...i think it sounds as if he wants to leave it?
I dont think he has behaved very well so it's no great loss

[scrazy]

55, it does sound passive aggressive and don't forget he should be trying to please you in the early days, you have told him you are shy at first. Guess it feels better for you that he hasn't just ignored you, so that's good.

[mercury7]

isnt sexual compatability at least in part to do with being able to feel relaxed & unself conscious with someone?

I'm thinking he's just not right for you 55?

[Bant]

55 - are you saying you behaved like a corpse, or was it him?

[OhWesternWind]

Scrazy I think getting out and about is the best plan, but that's just me and I know other people like to have a bit of a break and pause to regroup. Don't look at it as admitting defeat, though - you're being very strong to make the decision that what he's offering isn't working for you, and that's a really positive thing.

Broken hope you are feeling better that you got a reply. Please don't beat yourself up about how you behaved in bed. It doesn't matter one bit, honestly. I think now is the time to decide if you do actually want to see this guy again, pure and simple, and take things from there. This does sound like very hard work when it really shouldn't be at this stage. I think I agree with Mercury and you're just not right for each other. It happens like that sometimes, no-one's fault and nothing you can do about it.

[ALittleStranger]

Broken please do not get into a text negotiation with him over whether you enjoyed the sex. If he was decent and genuinely concerned you didn't enjoy it he should have tried to reassure you much sooner. Over text and with the delay I do agree that's a twattish, passive aggressive text to send. There are better people for you out there.