Dating thread 58 everyone welcome

[Kirstywirsty]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop
8. loo update is mandatory

date with the scandinavian last night

date went well good conversation (some really deep stuff, still thinking about it today), good chemistry by end (and this wasn't the booze talking - only had 2).

by mutual consent we wandered back to his hotel room (he said "another drink?" and i "ermed and awed" till he got the hint )

and the sex was ....mediocre shite

i'm no glove no love, and he's a bit about them. so basically we're stalemate.

(and its really hot in the hotel room so it feels a bit sweaty and awkward).

we got one eventually and well...he's just not very good? condoms aside, i got the vibe he's got that thing where he can't come easily for AGES. also not very good at touching me, a bit feathery strokey and "what do YOU want?" and i'm capable of leading the whole thing, but just feels very unsexy?

i want to be compassionate and not be cutting, he's a cool guy. but also be compassionate to myself and don't want to be lying there waiting to get cystisis whilst he soldiers away for 2-3 hours, or have to "break out the porn moves" right off?

so i sort of edged it out by going on how i was nervous and it'd been a long time so we went down to cuddling, which was ok.

oh dear. not a nice night. on the plus side this has freed the field for the "other european"

he wants to stay in touch, has texted me going he loved meeting me and that he's sorry if he let me down (though i was very "its me not you", of course he can see i'm a bit ). wouldn't mind staying in touch but as chums? need to think on this.

oh yes. and i texted my ex going how much i missed him last night, just was so frustrated by the whole experience I was in. normally i don't send him random texts.

he's texted back and i'm too to look at it yet. Can someoen encourage me, please?

wotamess

on the plus side, the early morning coach back, watching the sun rise- just beautiful

lorna just look, then its done plus you can tell us what he says

What a disappointment tho!

I'm on my phone so thought I was texting!

though

thanks Title, i get a bit anxious

and the reply was....

*I miss you too. x"

that was non stressful!

OWW now I've lost patience with him just for that amount of faffing ffs. It does now seem like he is keeping you away from his house for some reason. I would meet him and tell him you were 'surprised' he didn't feel he could have you over and ask why the fuck not this isn't about sexy time now, you could have grown coriander quicker . Time to trust your gut

Bant it is your friend in that case, it may even work

I'm sitting waiting to take off. Jason bournesque journey to the airport, sweaty is a good look right?

juliette enjoy the boat and Dutchie

oww re: alpha

just playing devils advocate here, if you're getting bad vibes from the situation could you consider getting back on OD so if there is an issue further down the line at least you have or are developing some other "options" or possibles?

i know its good to be priincipled and compassionate and "give people time and a chance" but also you gotta watch for your own interests too!

Lorna was that the first date with Scandinavian? If so, perhaps too soon & awkwardness came from being strangers. Second possibility, it could improve with time, third, he just isn't very good at sex. If first or second & you really like him, you could persevere, but I would follow my instincts.
OWW you really need to have the "What are you looking for ?" talk. You want a full relationship. Sex is important to you & should be part of it. (I had this discussion with Meet Up guy before we arranged "dinner".) I wouldn't be too coy ( tho I am not English & therefore do not find asking a direct question difficult.) Something along the lines of "what are you looking for in a relationship " or ..."in this relationship" Time to stop beating around the bush. His lack of availability at W/E would concern me.
Maureen also look at Meet Ups, my theory is that they are better for your/my age group.

Hello! I posted last week about being dumped on FB. Back in the saddle and have got a date tonight. Have kept the messaging pretty short n sweet - took advice on this fred about boy building up too big a picture of someone.

Had one lined up for tomorrow lunchtime but have cancelled cos I got 3 rambley messages at 3 am which weirded me out a bit.

Cor POF is a bit full on innit? Have had loads of messages but most of em 'hi sexy' or 'sit on my face'. I changed my profile to mention feminism and politics in hope of weeding them out!

Yous all seem so active in dating. Hard to keep up with this fred!

good move on cancelling the rambly guy joy, good luck with the date tonight!

i think the rubbish messages from weirdos are just part and parcel of the process. one thing i would be a "bit" wary of is adjusting your profile too much to filter them out - it tends not to stop the weirdos (they're probably just "looking" at your pics not reading your profile) and the trouble is the adjustments in your text might put off men you actually want to contact you?

thanks moanranger. i think my instincts say "leave it". he seems to be fairly into me, and long distance means that if we meet again it would be somewhat "loaded" with expectation.

lorna - I've had that happen a few times with online dates and some of them are still lingering around but I've never felt inclined to see them again.

I've plunged back into the murky pond of POF. It's been very different this time around...a couple of guys sent fairly friendly messages and then said 'oh, your profile says you want a relationship...I totally don't' - one guy even said 'I don't think you're what I'm looking for at the moment. Happy fishing!' Haha I felt vaguely amused given that he had messaged me first!

ha ha spangled!

maybe they're expecting you to message them back and "persuade" them to like you instead of thinking "fuck off then, NEXT"

i dunno if you ever heard of the "pick up artist culture".

It's not so big in the UK thank god, but i think the message for guys is:

"insult tease a woman into thinking she is not good enough for you or not "at your level", then she'll feel grateful for your attention and respond well"

got a couple messages like that, but its never worked! so they'll say something rude about something in your profile to get your attention, like "your taste in music is shit" then say "but actually i think you're ok".

i look at their profile, think "meh, ugly, no". then i look at the message and think "meh, ugly, AND rude. definitely no".

Haha! Yeah, I have no time for that at all. I can't handle mind games.

Still thinking about FakeTim - not in a nice way, of course. Just still feeling really silly for believing him.

Busy day on here!

lorna also texted bastard ex last night as he still owed me money and I saw red for some reason, he transferred it to me without managing to reply which wound me up a treat...

Anyway, sounds like you know what you want re Scandinavian and that you can see it was his ishoos.. Gut feel is a good one.

Hope tonight a good 'un joy

Title I think - that's funny re texting, great it worked out as just an honest admission to the 'right' person, quite sweet really!

Lorna did you look at the text from scandinavian yet?

That's a pity but hey now at least you know you are not sexually compatible. No glove no love is MANDATORY for OD surely?! Was he really trying to get away without??

Yes spangled pof does attract the nicest people haha! Don't feel bad about fake Tim, what a total prick

@ hostess. Yeah was a bit annoyed about the condom thing, as in he was "trying to explain" that we didn't need one. Then when i was like "well we can't do anything then"

...he suddenly found he had one, well done

you know what? I am getting less sympathetic as I write this

(text i was worried about wasn't from scandi - he texted to say thanks and he loved meeting me etc but from my ex .

its a complicated story but we spilt on good terms last year, but are a bit "locationally challenged" cause of his job - so there's still a frisson, but can't do anything until i move although part of me is secretly hoping he'll suggest popping down to see me )

Cheers! About to get ready. Oh what to wear. My wardrobe is a sea of sweaty man made fibres!

Spangled - fakeTim sounds like my OD experience. I too keep thinking about it and piecing it all together and thinking gah what a twat about myself for falling for it. My one was an absolute player that made out he'd just dipped his toe in OD and couldn't believe he'd met me. 'Decent family chap' states his profile. Oh man! Wish you could leave feedback like on eBay.

Has dappened my enthusiasm and made me pretty cynical of this whole OD thing somewhat

Ugh lorna at the no condom. How can these fellas not give a shite about their sexual health. Or pg. Works both ways surely?

Am getting my tests done tomorrow.

Checking in.... Too much to catch up on 48 sorry to hear about your mum. Hoping for a good resolution for you shortly. oww I think you should press your suit. All this faffing about with no action is too frustrating in this (or indeed any!) weather. bant hope you have a lovely week with frenchie! maureen 5 sites sounds like a full time job! I think one paying and one free sounds about right....or get one of these companies that manages your dating profile for you and let them do their (expensive!) job. Three months paid membership of three paid sites is fairly expensive anyway I think, with no guarantee of anything... I believe a management service would at least filter out the wankers for roughly the same price might be talking out of her arse here juliette I hope you have an astounding time!

Hope all well with rest of thread. Hello new daters! Sorry to not address you all individually, the thread moves so quickly!

Nameless still at his parents, I didn't hear from him Monday, which is unusual, so was feeling a bit 'other-shoe-droppy' on Tuesday got a sweet email with a photo of his cherubic toddler nephew holding a Lego rendition of a poodle-moth after we had spoken about them watching the sunset in Friday. All is well and all will be well in the land of snapeless. I am sending woo-vibes at the female members of his family to start asking those awkward questions about where he sees the relationship heading, so I don't have to do anything & he'll return all starry-eyed and romantically inclined.

Conversely, all is not well with voldemort and newgirl according to my spies as they have sadly broken up. That is a shame. Ahh well. trying to not be horribly upbeat at the misfortune of others, but am allowing myself an occasional chortle. not my most attractive quality. I shouldn't imagine he'll have the balls to attempt to contact me, but on the off-chance, I know what my response will be.

OWW it does all sound a tad fishy, and I'd definitely be getting a bit irritated by now ( I wonder if he's going to turn out to be fretting about some erection ishoo or other ) - I think I'd probably say that I was very disappointed not to be spending the evening 'getting to know you better' or some such barely disguised code for getting it onnnnnnnnnn.

Hello Moan , Spangled , Joy, other Joy, Lorna, New, Hostess, The, Stranger, Juliette, Flipper , Tigsy , Wise, Wine, Rose, Snape , 48, Bill, Twinny, Ike, Lubes and anyone I've forgotten ( I'm not coping with the heat, you'll have to excuse.

Hope Bant's making some headway.

Oh and at poor, poor, poor Voldie. What a shame, eh ?

tragic

[chortle]