Dating thread 58 everyone welcome

[Kirstywirsty]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop
8. loo update is mandatory

But does the boat have comfy beds Juliette or is it hammocks and bunks? Can't believe it's tomorrow! Whoopee!!!

Romantic imagining is all very well once in a ahem relationship.. Bit weird by text when not met?

Django wow lots of red flags there - well escaped! Needy shag haha ..

oww has alpha clarified Thursday? Hate that stuff totally get it.

hostess it's hard to know whether something isn't right because it isn't right - and good for you for recognising that - or because you haven't resolved or got over someone else.. A little bit of everything I think, sofa time, non serious dating...

I'm chatting to someone who one minute seems same and quite lovely actually and the next makes inappropriate jokes - embarrassingly I called him the wrong name when we first swapped numbers - he said earlier it might become a joke between 'us' like I cold call him that in bed etc. yuck? Is that just me? Classic text rubbish and no suggestion of meeting - or lots of suggests of meeting and speaking (which always do first) but no actual plans. Think it's because I can't really be bothered ...

Just to end.. bant frenchgirl hope you have a lovely time whatever occurs...

heh Bant... I wouldn't mind (probably) if we had indeed watched a sunset together... or indeed even met!

It's just so very needy to be already going into romantic mode. And to me it's a red flag INDEED to knock 6 years off your age. It clearly hasn't worked for him either, as he says I am the only woman on okc who has replied to him (my issues maybe?? hehe)

What I kind of like about him (we have spoken on phone) is that he's been very open already about crap going on in his life, and I told him I'm getting over a bad relationship etc and not likely to be able to commit much.. we have been chatting for weeks on and off. Clearly he's built up an open chat into something it isn't and probably never will be. That's the bit I don't get.

hmm newstart I really wouldn't know how to take that 'joke' either. If it's happening regularly, that's pretty off colour.

yeah I am doing the faffing thing a lot too.

If anyone has the time or inclination could u (or point me where there already is one) list the sites that you guys are shortening? I can't work them out? for example okc

Hi Chirps it's OK Cupid.

All excited for you Bant about the Frenchgirl.

New did he actually suggest that you might call him that in bed? How very weird. No, nothing yet from Alpha about whether it's dinner at his or not. Who knows? Meh.

Hostess if you're not feeling good about him then cut him adrift, no need to carry on chatting. I'd be a big wary if there's a lot of crap going on in his life, not a good time to get involved with someone.

Okcupid OKC (my phone corrects that to occupied, which is possibly appropriate
PlentyOfFish (POF.com)
Guardian soul mates GSM

That's it I think

I've been exchanging some messages with guys on OkCupid/POF over the past few days. It's been a couple of months since I last did that...it's like riding a bike though, right?!

Almost strawberries and wine time again (okay, it's a spritzer, I promise!) what's everyone up to tonight? Any Tuesday night dates?

OWW I guess because there is a lot of crap in my life too I felt it was fair enough.. probably I am not a great bet now either, but I'm looking for friends/casual rather than someone to go off into the sunset with...

Chat's mostly been instigated by him but I am a good 'replier' I guess. Been chatting to a few people but he is by far the keenest.

I might meet him for lunch but if he's overly 'romantic' that will be it.

OWW boat has one proper double bunk in the master cabin at the back which is a sort of cut off triangle shape with what I think if a good matress and proper sheets and a private loo. There is a real hammock but that's slung across the ceiling of the kitchen area and it's for fruit and veg.

Bant sweep Frenchgirl off her feet. Failing that, insouciance will be your friend

I am feeling a little wiped out as I went to see my Mum yesterday and DS and I have had yet another showdown. But, looking forward to seeing Dutchie's face like crazy.

Thx oww hes he did! and hostess thx too..

hmmm yes mentioned it was hot earlier and he replied 'hot like you..' Shame looks cute!

Juliette have an awesome time

Had an email from a disappearer-' sorry feel unwell, busy, not ready for anything other than friendship...' Then asks me cheery questions and ends with tc- is that, shudder, 'take care'? Anyway, why on earth go on a dating site? Again maybe it's different in the straight world but an awful lot of women on the sites I'm on seem to want friends not gfs. I find it odd but am starting to see it isn't, in this world. I swerve anyone who's profile says they are only looking for friends but the ones wwho want dates can go that way too.

Am I the only person not trawling sites for friends????

Juliete Have fun

Hi, Can i have some guidance from you experienced folk on here?

I'm in my 50s and planning to do OD for the first time. Hoping it will give me some practise at dating and be fun. Not wanting casual sex/FWB at the moment. Not had a date for 10 years. Came out of a l/t relationship a year ago and life is mostly good, so feel heads in a good place.

Thinking of a scatter gun approach - sign up to maybe 5 sites for 3 months and see what comes my way IYKWIM.

Good plan or not? Any tips appreciated. Which are the good sites for old, but discerning, bats?

Hi Maureen and welcome, lots of good advice on here (though not necessarily from me).

Depending on where you live, five sites might be a bit of an overkill, although if you're in a rural area that might be about right. However, you'll probably find that the same people crop up on a few sites. I'm on two at the moment - PoF (free, very mixed bag but high traffic and nice men if you spend the time looking) and Match (paid but got a very cheap offer, not as many messages and similar quality of men). I'd recommend you have a quick look for free at some sites for your area/age group and see which look like they might suit, sign up to one or two to start off with and then you can always add more if it's a bit quiet. Good luck, please keep posting.

Well, early morning e-mail from Alpha saying he has not been able to get ingredients for cooking for me so will take me out for a meal instead, I can choose where, lots of nice places NEAR ME (ie not over in his area where we could pop back to his house after the meal), he'll pick me up. Ho hum. I don't actually believe him about the ingredients as a) from what I can work out, the most exotic thing required is coriander which you can get at any Tesco and b) he was texting me from his garden most of yesterday evening and certainly not scouring the supermarkets of the north-west in search of exotic ingredients.

Now I feel a bit ungrateful and awful as it's lovely to be taken out for a meal - who on earth would be complaining about that apart from me? It will be nice, good food, nice chat, little kiss at the end, go into my house feeling very frustrated. I don't feel like I can reply by saying we should get a takeaway or anything as it seems quite clear that he doesn't want to invite me over to his. This is confusing the hell out of me - we are on date six, been seeing each other for over a month and surely he must have realised that things cannot move on any further unless we have somewhere more private to go?

You'd have won the bet, Bant and Nora!

Welcome maureen I think 5 sites too many.. I would start with one and maybe add another after a couple of weeks if no luck... Or maybe 1 free, 1 paid? I find there is always a flurry of activity initially then that dwindles as people get to see your face more often etc. so a staged approach could work? I don't think you'll be able to keep up with 5 and could let a good one slip away...

It also depends which sites you go for.. I have only tried pof (pretty awful but free) and just single parents which is pretty quiet which suits me tbh

Match has a good following on this thread, ok Cupid is another free one and again many on here use. Telegraph dating or guardian soulmates meant to be good for discerning 'folk' if near a city...

Good luck!

Cross posts oww

Hmmm re alpha, he really just might not get it.. Don't take it personally.. Am sure you'll have a lovely time and can sit and look at him and make sure you want the next step - if you do, I'd probably bring it up haha! Just something like, it's fun seeing you out, but maybe a snuggle on a sofa would be nice too, shame my place isn't viable you'd be very welcome...

I don't know. You can't make these things happen - although I'm a great one for bashing a round peg repeatedly into a square hole

Oww- have you been to his house? Sounds like he's keeping you away. Unless he's highly anxious about cooking

OWW I'm cynical too. I don't know why he'd be keeping you away but he certainly seems to be. I have to say though - he doesn't strike me as a man who simply wants a bit of extra curricular activity, otherwise he'd be straight in your knickers. So that could mean it's something else. I don't know how you'd do it, but I think it needs talking about. There is very likely a perfectly valid explanation, but until you have that, your mind will run away with all the worst possible scenarios.

Everything is back on an even keel with Mr L. He was very busy at work yesterday so there was less chatting than usual, but during the evening there was a phone conversation as well as loads of texting. He even mentioned the 'boyfriend' word. I feel a bit odd about that - it has such teenage connotations! It seems we're moving forward from the 'seeing' each other stage, but it's certainly too soon for any talk of 'partner'. So what would he be??! How do others get around the terminology?

Looks like we'll be spending a fair amount of this weekend together which is good. I've not seen him at all since the weekend before last so I'm really looking forward to a bit of company. Looking forward to a bit of Dinner with a capital D too

Morning all,

Joblot I think a huge amount of folks on OD are unavailable in some way - not really ready for a relationship (and so seeking friends instead), already in a relationship, or lacking the social skills to set up a date.... Oh dear, that sounds so cynical! You just have to keep sifting through the chaff until you find a couple of grains of wheat.... Keep at it!

OWW I know everyone is keeping upbeat about Alpha for you, but I'd be pissed off by now too... In his defence, he's going as slowly as he always has just now, doesn't seem to be in any rush to move things on.... Maybe he genuinely doesn't know whether it's time to progress things, because he's new to dating? I guess you can treat Thursday's meal as a final opportunity to progress, or stop. My concern would be that you might always be having to move things on in the relationship (I've just come out of a relationship like that, way too much hard work). Anyway at least he'll stop banging on about coriander now...

Let me tell you a story.... Sent a long rambling txt to my best friend last night, describing all the potential goodness in the nice man I've been chatting to on POF. Wondered why she hadn't replied after about an hour. Oh, only because I'd sent the text to HIM .

Sent him a couple more texts saying how sorry and embarrassed I was, I'd understand if he deleted me with immediate effect, it at least he now knew that I had quite like him.... Sat on tenterhooks for a while (I knew he had been out in the evening)....

Got a LOVELY message back, he was still laughing very hard, and he listed all the things he liked about me so far.... Eek! He's just texted me to suggest we meet up for a dog walk on the beach.... Eeeek! Sooooo nice to know what we think of each other ahead of meeting, just hope the reality is equally promising....

Hahahaha that's brilliant Django

Insouciance is my friend..

Morning everyone,
Weird dreams full of OD oddness last night, only slightly odder than the reality.

Juliette have a spectacular time, splice his mainbrace, swab his anchor and enjoy yourself as much as humanly possible.

Have a lovely day

That's great Django!

Juliette have a wonderful, wonderful time on the ocean wave with Dutchie. Don't break the bunks!

Still feeling insouciant, Bant? Hoping so much she realises what she's missing and it all works out.

Title so glad it's all still going well. I wouldn't worry about what to call him, doesn't really matter, just enjoy the weekend. I think "boyfriend" is okay for the time being.

OWW I think my heckles would be up by now. It does sound like potentially he doesn't want you to visit his home. I'd be tempted to make a joke along those lines to see how he reacts. There are perfectly innocent/understandable reasons why he may not, but it would be good to flesh it out. I hadn't realised it's been six dates either, I'd definitely want to have progressed things by then, although I think my ex and I dated for about six weeks before he made a move. Some people are just terrified, or scared of coming on too strong. But I'd also be a bit suspicious about potential bedroom issues. Basically he just needs to jump your bones and you both need to know where you stand.

How's it going with Frenchy Bant? Those situations are tough, I hope it works out.

*Maureen" I agree five sites sounds like overkill. I'd hone in on one or two that hit your demographic and focus your energies on being proactive and messaging guys you like the look of.