Dating thread 58 everyone welcome

[Kirstywirsty]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop
8. loo update is mandatory

superstar I'm with the Nos as well .. You wouldn't accept that from your friends would you??

title how many texts is he waking up to??

Sorry to here you have had a bad experience with this man but look at the positives you had sex you got a meal and a night to forget any of your ex men are idiots. That think getting in to bed with a woman will make them forget there past failures but don't think of the person they are using don't feel bad about it as he is the one that's lost out he is not thinking of anything more than replacing what he lost not looking what was I front of him you keep your head up so what if you slept with him and you have needs and you felt with them just put it down to a ok night but can do better have fun and you say you always pick the wrong man well you no your type so try somthing different you might surprise yourself good luck

Hi all just wanting to share my recent od experiences out of pure frustration and because you all seem so decent and sensible.

Have met previous partners online and see it as a valid option, but went on pof and pink sofa (I'm a lesbian) recently and feel crushed.

Have had one date and she talked about her ex for most of it. Clearly not ready to move on.

All other contacts have been rubbish- people I wouldn't be friends with contacting me- usual hey or hi hun stuff, and the majority I contact don't respond. I try friendly and easy going, no joy. Got chatting to a woman who seemed lovely but after a few days I said how do we know either of us is genuine and she got unpleasant and flounced off. Surely thats not unreasonable to debate authenticity? Then the disappear- chatting, she asks to speak on phone, we do, get along well, then nowt. I have friends, job etc. Am pretty average if a bit gobby. But I wonder if I'm over the hill now and it's seriously slim pickings. I'm 47.

Sorry for essay I'm just totally fed up with it. Phew.

Sorry if I havn't made myself clear; we have done rounds after a bit of gentle prodding from me but I just don't want to go dutch on a first date; thereafter I am more than happy to pay my way but generosity is so important.

kirsty seven. He goes to bed before me most nights so often has one or two to wake up to but seven might be a bit much

Morning all
Kirsty have a lovely holiday and [same] for FoF. He'll not know what's hit him, when you come back relaxe,d tanned and primed by two weeks of flirty texts!!

Superstar No way, that is so rude, sort of thing you'd only do in jest with a long-standing friend

OWW I'm with Nora too. He's played everything with such a straight bat so far, I'm not surprised he's taken you literally. He wants to do things right, at your pace - all good stuff! Hope your got your equilibrium back over twunt

I have a bit if dating news - leg-touching MB is proving to be a bit of a flake - really, what is the point of sending a text saying Hi x and then nothing? I'm quite happy not to be in touch every day, particularly if that's all he can manage. ,

But on the other hand I gained an interesting, subtly flirty corespondent last night, who seems very promising - in a 'Im following the thread rules' sort of way!

Do I have to wait for him to restart the conversation now?

Ah, bollocks. I am a deranged pisshead aren't I?!

Superstar I'm confused then. You've had three dates and gone dutch but would have liked him to have treated you? Or you've had three dates and he's tried to get you to pay for everything and you've managed to prod him into a few rounds? Because those are very different scenarios.

Hi joblot have you read the 'rules' at the start if the thread?
OD has proved hard for all of us at some point I think - the pointless messages, the lovely messages/calls from a disappearer, the not-for-you contacts who won't take no for an answer. We've all been there.
Persistence and a thick skin are needed and when they seem to fail you, I've found time on the sofa to regroup and remind myself 'I'd not me, it's them' can work wonders!

Joblot - remember rule 5. I think gay dating must have slightly different nuances because the gender rules are removed - as in, who asks whom for the first date- but people are people and ishoos are ishoos

Oh I agree with the rules but I'm not getting past 1st base. It's definitely different to straight dating, in termsiof expectations and who takes the lead. I've tried ok cupid but very few women in thus area and loads of polyamory, I mean every other woman who pops up. Not my bag.

I think I need a break from it. And will try soulmates when I return, might at least get people who can hold conversations.

Oh and another thing, are straight people's profiles as dreadful ad gay women's? The majority want a cosy night in with DVD and wine, but happy to go wild occasionally. All admire their mothers/best friends; none want someone with baggage or mind games; just so boring. I put up an alternative anti profile, got some good feedback, but some thought it was real- my friends describe me as a complete bastard, I have bo and eat with my mouth open, I admire Katie price- that sort of thing. Ah well.

joblot

marry me? I'd love to meet someone like that :)

Bant- don't tempt me. Where do you go for bright people?

Bant I couldn't hold that one in. Trying out something to see what it's like, fine. Each to their own but that stuff just makes me think weird.

Title I'm sure he is just overwhelmed by your ardour

joblot not POF. I was okc as I found gsm had nice but dull or apparently normal but very odd men.

Juliette - do you mean you couldn't hold the 'utter bollocks' comment in?

Joblot This is hugely overgeneralising, but in my experience OKC tends to have smarter people, or at least matches me with them, because you've got to go through the whole rigmarole of answering questions. Someone who's answered more than 30 questions has invested effort and free time, and can read. There are polyamorists and swingers, but these people are better (in my opinion) than people who claim they're single but are just looking for a bit on the side.

Match costs, so people will at least be employed. POF is the biggest, but involves wading through dross. Most of them can filter out messages from men, I suppose.

I'm happy to review your profile of course, but not sure whether my perspective is so valid :)

Contact resumed

Did he say anything about your enthusiastic messages Title?

Joblot I love the sound of your anti-profile. I've always gone on PoF and Match, found both about the same.

Well, I must say that I thought inviting myself over to his for dinner was a pretty obvious move and that he'd click on to what was going on (or at least the possibility of it). I am feeling somewhat unenthused today as I was expecting quite a positive response to this idea, not whittling about sodding coriander. Surely he can't be that clueless? He's not daft, not by a long chalk, although he is new to dating again. I would have said "Oh, might have trouble getting to the supermarket - how about we get a takeaway this time and I'll cook next week?" or something. This is date six (I think) so it's not like I'm coercing him into sex on the first date or something, it's over a month now and nothing beyond a bit of snogging. There is a difference between being considerate and respectful and seeming not particularly interested, and we are in danger of getting the wrong side of this line now. Very frustrated and discouraged by this whole thing to be honest.

OWW are you thinking he is like LM all over again?

Well, I just don't know to be honest Kirsty - I quite liked the taking it slow thing to start off with as it was nice and respectful and not pushy but now I am starting to wonder why nothing else is happening. He's a grown man, surely he's not going to be happy with a quick snog on the corner or in the front of his car? I would have thought that after we've been seeing each other over a month, on date 6 now, then it's time to move along a step. I was a bit fed up that I had to make the move to invite myself over to his and now I feel a bit rebuffed by all this flapping around about ingredients and things rather than enthusiasm about the thought of getting me in his house/bed.

Thoughts are:

a he has problems in the trouser department;
b he is getting it elsewhere or
c he just isn't bothered and doesn't really fancy me.

All very odd and strange.

No problems with LM in bed but you're right, the similarity is with the whole thing about whether or not he's properly interested in me/having a relationship.

OWW whoa! you also saw no initial snog as a sign he didn't like you. Now you're worried because he hasn't initiated sex (but anyone faffing would piss me off too). It doesn't always work like that, I've had plenty of men make it clear the find me attractive and left it up to me to make the move although I'm also now a bit worried that he has some terrible sexual ishoo or is worried about how to hide his gimp suit

OWW crossed posts. Of course he fancies you, he is not getting it elsewhere. All will be well

Yes, I did think the no snogging was a bad sign and I was probably right! Should have listened to myself at the start with this I think. I thought inviting myself over to his was me making the move and definitely giving him a green light that I would like things to go further and I feel a bit let down by his response. I'm not sure what other move I can make really because without a bit of privacy (difficult at mine what with children and assorted babysitters) we are not going to get beyond a five minute snog.

OWW not a dicky bird but all seems to be well

Re Alpha - don't talk yourself out of this! Try to stop second guessing him and then assuming what he feels. See how it goes this week and then you can be a little better informed. If he still won't take things up a notch then I guess you have two options - move on or ask him why. There could well be a perfectly valid reason why. And if there isn't then you revert to plan A and move on. But don't assume that you're going to need to before you've lived through Thursday!