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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He just disappeared after 6 months........I feel such a plonker

173 replies

Pinkdaisy4 · 26/06/2013 22:35

Been with 'd'p for around 6 months. Very passionate and intense relationship then two weeks ago, he texted in the morning to say " morning gorgeous, I love you and miss you so much. I texted back on his normal number but came up unobtainable.

He lives about 40 miles away, difficult to just pop round as have a toddler and I work pt. I tried calling his mobile but still " the number you have called has not been recognised" I left a message on his landline but nothing. This was two weeks ago and haven't heard anything.

I feel such a plonker and I'd lent him money too. I was just another notch :(

Just wanted a rant.....we had a termination in April this yr as condom split and failed MAP . I just feel so angry....with everything :( I've been used big time :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkdaisy4 · 27/06/2013 07:26

You're all lovely, thank you for your replies. I'm just glad ds didn't get to know him.
crispy not burnt in a fire. They didn't look like burns....or stab wounds come to think of it!!!!

turnip did your paramedic have Tourette's ? If so, it must be the same bloke!!! :(

OP posts:
StrawberryMojito · 27/06/2013 07:58

Would you consider complaining to his employer re his conduct re the £200? He is in the emergency services and deals with people who are at their most vulnerable so therefore he needs to be trustworthy. It is not theft but is clearly morally wrong. I doubt he would lose his job over it and you probably still won't get your money back but it may make him think more about his actions on the future.

AWarmFuzzyFuture · 27/06/2013 08:09

Pink if he wanted to get in touch he would have by now Sad

Don't waste the petrol and time. Unfortunately he is not worth it.

Assuming he is alive (and he probably is) there is no valid reason for not getting in contact.

The obvious reason is usually the truth.

brokenhearted55 · 27/06/2013 08:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BerylStreep · 27/06/2013 09:14

Well I would want the £200 back. I suggest sending the letter mentioned upthread, asking for return of the money. If you don't get it back, I would then write to his employer, explaining that you had been in a relationship and had lent him money, which he has not returned.

If he is married, this will have the effect of highlighting to his employer that he is having affairs, and also highlight that he may have debt problems. I am in the public sector (although not medical) and if someone wrote to us outlining that money was owed, we haul the person in and leave them under no illusion that they are required to pay the money back.

MexicanHat · 27/06/2013 09:30

So sorry OP this is awful for you. To do this at all is bad enough but to treat you this way after having a termination is so cruel and callous.

Lots of different advice and opinions on here but I know I couldn't get past this without some answers. I have recently come out of a similar time scale/full on relationship and was feeling sorry for myself but after seeing how you have been treated has given me a much needed kick up the bum.

I am another one who would want my £200 back - how dare he take your hard earned money and disappear. I would definitely be paying him a visit.

Original poster
Pinkdaisy4 · 27/06/2013 13:26

You've all been so kind for replying and given me perspective and strength.
I just can't get over hoe cruel he's been. :(

OP posts:
MexicanHat · 27/06/2013 13:38

We are here anytime you need to talk and here whatever you decide to do. Flowers ((Hugs))

SnookyPooky · 27/06/2013 15:17

Pink please don't let him give you any old cock and bull when you finally track him down. Unless he has been in a coma this last fortnight there is no reasonable excuse for not being in touch.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/06/2013 16:20

Pinkdaisy... Please hang in there and DO nothing whatsoever to get in touch with him. I wouldn't even bother contacting his workplace, they won't be able to garnish his wages on your 'say so' and their loyalty will be with him. They may not even believe you and he may already have covered that avenue with a 'stalker/nutter' story.

Let me just tell you one more thing about chasing... it really makes me uncomfortable to remember the futility of it, but I did it anyway. On not one single occasion did 'chasing' achieve a thing - other than to make me feel even worse about myself.

Please don't do it, you really don't need another 'knock' right now and this is where I can see it heading. Post here and tell us how you feel. This is a good place and there's always somebody to keep you company. xx

postmanpatscat · 27/06/2013 16:26

I wonder if that text you got was actually meant for someone else.

foofooyeah · 27/06/2013 16:39

So sorry this arse of a man has been so cruel.

I would however write a very short note and ask him to return my money immediately. Jts 'please return the £200 you owe me immediately' and leave it at that.

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 27/06/2013 17:14

I would write the £200 off as a lesson learned. I know its a lot of money (lone parent too) but the hassle and stress you will save by letting go of it would be worth it.

ITCouldBeWorse · 27/06/2013 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Pinkdaisy4 · 27/06/2013 18:23

post he often sent text like that, daily.

I've deleted them all now and his picture. I've kept the one of our 7 week old unborn baby and the scan picture. He didn't give me any cards, gifts etc so nothing really to throw away :(

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/06/2013 18:35

Pink... Did YOU actually want the termination or were you pressurised to have it? I wonder if you should actually see somebody to talk this through because this seems to be 'unfinished business' between you from your perspective. Is that to do with the baby rather than him, do you think?

It must be very difficult for you to look at the scan picture of your baby.

What have you been doing today? Have you had any thoughts of what you will do?

BerylStreep · 27/06/2013 19:00

Yes Pink, you don't sound in a very good place about the termination, and if you have kept photos of the foetus and the scan, it would seem that you haven't been in a good place about that for quite some time.

ProperStumped · 27/06/2013 19:29

You poor woman Sad

So sorry he's been such a selfish, unfeeling prick. You do realise that you may never find out what happened to him? What an arsehole Angry

fooledagaincantbelieveit · 27/06/2013 19:58

Hi Pink

so so sorry - I just posted on here today: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1789813-Being-owed-money-by-Twunt-WWYD
so I do know/understand how you feel.
Men are just SO FUCKING CRUEL sometimes, I honestly can't understand it. Why would he do that? I have a DS and every day I hope and pray I do a good enough job that he won't treat women with disdain and cruelty when he grows up (although do men EVER grow up???).
I know how tight it is with money, how much of an idiot you feel coz I feel exactly the same. Please don't blame yourself. You aren't the first woman to be conned like this, and sadly you won't be the last. If you are anything like me, you probably fall for any attention, get flattered and feel amazing, then just feel like shit?
Hugs hugs and more hugs. And lots of love (and a few glasses of Wine!)

Original poster
Pinkdaisy4 · 27/06/2013 21:06

Strangely enough, I feel more at peace with photos and scan. Nothing to do with that twunt but that tiny little baby was conceived and she / he was a living little soul.
I didn't feel pressurised . He was like " yeah, we're going to be parents....happy happy " to " I can't afford to support you and your ds......I think a termination is for the best"

I was so shocked as I have PCOS and needed fertility treatment for ds with ex h. And I took the MAP literally an hour later. Still got pregnant :(

I stupidly asked during Uss if there was a heart beat.....there was :(

I had a medical termination ( twunt was with me) but I went home alone and 'delivered' while reading little ds a bedtime story .

I'm more angry with twunt for coming into my life, me falling for his lies , taking my money and sailing off into the distance.....without a care for me or how I feel. I hate him.

But today has been a good day. Ds and I had lots of fun in the park then play date this afternoon. :)

I just feel terrible for all those lovely MNetters that are ttc and are in bits thinking their partners are cheating. If twunt had met someone else while seeing me, she might be feeling the pangs of doubt too.....due to me but I honestly if he had another gf, I didn't have any suspicions Flowers x

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkdaisy4 · 27/06/2013 21:08
  • or are in bits
OP posts:
EachAndEveryHighway · 27/06/2013 21:17

My heart goes out to you PinkDaisy. Stay strong, and enjoy focusing on DS, you are well rid - your mind knows that but sometimes your heart doesn't, I know. It will get easier. Flowers

ProperStumped · 27/06/2013 22:20

I know this has probably been covered - and in all honesty I am cynical as hell about this - but do you actually know that he hasn't come to any harm?

Original poster
Pinkdaisy4 · 27/06/2013 22:27

proper I've googled but nothing . He has a very common name.

I would have heard on the underground grapevine at work surely ????

It's so odd that all was fine before.....twunt :(

OP posts:
ProperStumped · 27/06/2013 22:30

Not if he was ill in some way you wouldn't, I don't think. If he had had an accident or something, you might.

As much as I know what utter bastards some people can be, this just doesn't sit quite right. If he was going to dump you like this, why send you that text in the morning? It doesn't make sense.