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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He just disappeared after 6 months........I feel such a plonker

173 replies

Pinkdaisy4 · 26/06/2013 22:35

Been with 'd'p for around 6 months. Very passionate and intense relationship then two weeks ago, he texted in the morning to say " morning gorgeous, I love you and miss you so much. I texted back on his normal number but came up unobtainable.

He lives about 40 miles away, difficult to just pop round as have a toddler and I work pt. I tried calling his mobile but still " the number you have called has not been recognised" I left a message on his landline but nothing. This was two weeks ago and haven't heard anything.

I feel such a plonker and I'd lent him money too. I was just another notch :(

Just wanted a rant.....we had a termination in April this yr as condom split and failed MAP . I just feel so angry....with everything :( I've been used big time :(

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 26/06/2013 23:10

I wouldn't waste the petrol, love

Use the money for a nice day out for you and ds

Original poster
Pinkdaisy4 · 26/06/2013 23:10

I'm going to look on a few dating websites to see if he's on any. Silly question as I've never used one...would he be under his regular name or would he have a user name???

OP posts:
ICantRememberWhatSheSaid · 26/06/2013 23:10

How about sending him a short letter. Try and be factual and unemotive. Something along the lines of
To Plonker
I have not been able to contact and can only conclude that you have ended our relationship. I wanted to remind you that I need you to repay the £200 pounds that I lent you on the XXXXX . Please can you send a cheque as soon as possible. I have enclosed a SAE

Pink.

There is no point trying to get 'closure' from him.

CrispyHedgeHog · 26/06/2013 23:14

He's not in London/Essex is he Daisy?

(also had an experience wiht a dodgy paramedic)

AnyFucker · 26/06/2013 23:15

Hi, crispy, I was thinking of you upthread x

EachAndEveryHighway · 26/06/2013 23:15

He'd have a username. You could do a search for chaps in his town/city and see if his picture's up or if any profiles /descriptions resonate.

AnAirOfHope · 26/06/2013 23:15

I think I would go to his works and.confront him and take whatever.cash he had on him at the time and let it go.

cozietoesie · 26/06/2013 23:16

Pink

This is the second time (at least) you've become exercised over this man. Isn't it time to just let it go emotionally? (Although you will need to get the money back.)

BerylStreep · 26/06/2013 23:16

Good letter.

Original poster
Pinkdaisy4 · 26/06/2013 23:17

icant I will do that......both to his work and home address.

Can't be arsed trawling through dating websites!

I really hate him right now Angry

OP posts:
CrispyHedgeHog · 26/06/2013 23:18

Hiya AF.. yes I saw that :)

Original poster
Pinkdaisy4 · 26/06/2013 23:19

crispy no.....Aylesbury way . I'm sorry you've met one too!

OP posts:
waddlecakes · 26/06/2013 23:19

Hang on, wait a minute - I've seen you've made another thread about this exact same weirdness. The cute message followed by silence and weird phone issues.

So.....what was the problem last time, according to him?

wordyBird · 26/06/2013 23:20

Oh no. :(

I'm with Any on this one. You're a lovely person, who's been very badly treated here.

Intense, passionate, short term, money lent, sudden loss of contact..... it's only a sketch of a man, but recognisable. And very very cruel.

Not worth petrol to chase up, imho, but totally understand wanting to. Totally :(

ChasedByBees · 26/06/2013 23:20

Hmm, do you have to pay to take someone to the small claims court? I'd be tempted.

Original poster
Pinkdaisy4 · 26/06/2013 23:20

cozie yes,the second time.

I need to move on with my £200 in my pocket.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 26/06/2013 23:21

Pink, love, a very quick search of your posting history (sorry) reveals he has been a shit virtually from day 1

Let it go. I wouldn't even try to get the 200 quid, except through the medium of two men built like brick shithouses, in the mood of an angry wasp with a special interest in kneecaps, tbh

No good will come of chasing after him. Hold on to what is left of your dignity, and walk away.

Original poster
Pinkdaisy4 · 26/06/2013 23:22

waddle busy on course and no phone reception.

Me thinks he's an arse. I've never been too busy to text back at some point.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/06/2013 23:23

I'm so sorry, OP, what a horrible situation to be in.

I can totally understand why you feel you need 'closure' but I wonder if that will actually do you more harm in the long run?

He's an adult, he owes you money and, whatever excuses there could possibly be, put yourself in his position - all of it. If you were in hospital, you'd find somebody to get a message to him, you'd do whatever it took to make sure that he knew you were ok and that you were thinking of him, that he was important.

If - and I know you wouldn't do this but IF - you decided to just dump and run, you'd plan it that a) you wouldn't send an 'I Love you' text, because you're not a sadist and b) you'd get that £200 sent to him by Special Delivery or through the letterbox with a note just saying "Sorry, it's not going anywhere, thanks for the nice times... blah blah".

If you go and visit him, you'll be all buoyed up in the meantime with a 'plan of action' and that will see you through but you're going to be totally flat afterwards when it comes to nothing. He is blanking you, for whatever reason. He's cruel and I don't know what depths he would plumb as he's already pretty low. If he's there and sees you - what could he say to you to soothe you or make you feel any better about yourself? If he's there and won't see you, you'll feel humiliated. There's no going back from what he's done, you'd never trust him or feel at ease with him again and why should you?

Grieve now and give yourself a date to stop crying over him, to get everything he's ever given you away or put in the bin. Write off that £200; you won't get it back. Chalk it up to experience and know that he is the one who has lost out, not you. He knows your a single mum and he took that money from you; that's pretty bad but to not pay it back - that's horrendous. You're so well rid of him, OP and I wouldn't pay for a drop of petrol to go and see him; he's the one who has been out of contact, not you. He's dropped you and he's a fool. You'll be fine, stay away from him and chat here, see you friends, don't run after him because you'll feel worse directly.

waddlecakes · 26/06/2013 23:27

LyingWitch, your post is absolutely spot on.

OP, having seen that he's done this to you before, I take back the suggestion of hunting him down. Just follow LW's advice. She's right, there's no possible excuse for anything he's done.

Although the 200 quid is enfuriating, what really really shocks me is that text message. I just don't get why anybody would do that, there seems to be nothing gained by it, so WTAF?

AnyFucker · 26/06/2013 23:29

he sent the text because he can

just that...no more, no less

Original poster
Pinkdaisy4 · 26/06/2013 23:29

thank you lying

I just feel stupid, grief struck with termination and someone who I thought really cared just took my money and legged it without a backward glance.

OP posts:
waddlecakes · 26/06/2013 23:30

But what does that mean, AF? What feeling could he possibly take from it?

Original poster
Pinkdaisy4 · 26/06/2013 23:31

AF......exactly. Just a few words to him probably sent while his new bit of stuff was in the shower ( sent at 0630).

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkdaisy4 · 26/06/2013 23:32

Yes, what could he take from it?????

Apart from my fucking cash Angry

OP posts:
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