He just disappeared after 6 months........I feel such a plonker

[Pinkdaisy4]

Been with 'd'p for around 6 months. Very passionate and intense relationship then two weeks ago, he texted in the morning to say " morning gorgeous, I love you and miss you so much. I texted back on his normal number but came up unobtainable.

He lives about 40 miles away, difficult to just pop round as have a toddler and I work pt. I tried calling his mobile but still " the number you have called has not been recognised" I left a message on his landline but nothing. This was two weeks ago and haven't heard anything.

I feel such a plonker and I'd lent him money too. I was just another notch :(

Just wanted a rant.....we had a termination in April this yr as condom split and failed MAP . I just feel so angry....with everything :( I've been used big time :(

A feeling of power ? A boost to his ego to think he can control someone to this extent (because he has, hasn't he) ? A kick in the pants from a woman-hater (his behaviour is very woman-hating) ?

Who knows ? Perhaps he really believed he loved her (which is actually more worrying than him being a simple twat, tbh)

AF, I sadly agree. He claims his ex stabbed him for no reason. He has scars but the time scale doesn't match the wounds iyswim. I'm a nurse so have experience.

How fucking thick do you have to be to lie to a nurse re something medical?

Shame she didn't stab him a bit harder IMO

I know.....I said he must have good healing qualities. He claim that they're 18 months old but resemble childhood scars.

If she really did stab him......what on earth did he do to her???!!!!!!!

''I said he must have good healing qualities''

LOL!

The guy I referred to earlier also claimed to have been stabbed. Wonder if they think a) we'll love the little rascal even more or b) it makes them sound really 'ard, innit.

Pinkdaisy... I don't know why he sent the text. I wonder if it's because when somebody is planning to 'con' or leave or whatever, they think (in their twisted minds) that they'll give you a crumb of niceness to cling onto in the days of misery after discovery. Who knows?

Do you know what though? You haven't lost anything really. £200 is a lot of money to you, I understand that, but you can recoup it - save 20p a day even and you'll get there. Tell yourself that £200 is the cost of the lesson and that you won't need to learn it again. Therefore, it's actually good value, even.

You've learned that you are responsible for your own finances and you will not subsidise or lend another adult money again. You know that your 'senses' are quite finely honed; even though you have strong feelings about this guy, you are not blinded and you know that it's over. That sense of self will stand you in good stead for your recovery, which won't take that long.
You've been through some dreadful life experiences this year - and you've come through them - ON YOUR OWN. You know that you don't need a man to get through life, you can stand on your own two feet and that's an awesome and worthwhile achievement for any woman. You're setting your son a very good example too - a mum who will not be messed around by anybody and who is strong in her own right. When she has a wobble or a fall, she won't crumple, she'll get back up and do what she needs to do.
One last part of the lesson you've had validation of is that you know how to love; to give your heart truly and deeply and you know how to receive love. That is no mean feat. This man was and is not worthy of you and he knows it, hence his hiding away from you. Your heart is a muscle and you damn well know how to use it.

I really hope that doesn't sound trite and patronising; I've been where you are and wish that somebody had managed to stop me 'chasing'. I kicked myself in the bum for a long time after that too - not for what happened, but the chasing... never, ever again.

Lastly, PinkDaisy, Nobody is keeping score, you know, remember that and don't you do it either. xx

He sounds like a fucking psychopath actually

The lies, the manipulation, the total void in any empathy

Of course she didn't really stab him, you say yourself they're childhood scars.

He probably just makes up this BS to make you think he's really rock 'n' roll, how lucky you must be that this glamorous wild man should take an interest in you..

Thanks waddlecakes, you're very kind.

Great post LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

And another great post LW, you really know how to hit the nail on the head. The part about ''you know how to love'' really resonated with me, as did the chasing thing. Nice one.

Points at lying's post and says "that"

Waddle I noticed on another thread you are having a rough time recently

How kind that you are trying to help others right now

I guess he sent the text to totally wrongfoot you and it worked - there was that slight questionmark at the back of your mind for a while, but hell, what a chilling lack of compassion or empathy. Makes you feel sorry for his next victim.

I don't think this man will pay your money back.

Don't give him any more attention - he will enjoy it.

To do this, he must be quite some piece of work - just walk away I would.

I live there, want me to take a look?!

AF I seem to have recovered from it fairly quickly. Day 1 I cried all day non stop. Day 2 I cried three times. Today is Day 3, and when i think about him I feel a pang in my heart, but the deep pain has gone because I realise it was for the best.

OP, what LyingWitch says is really important. I also got suddenly dropped by a guy with whom it was all really intense and fucked up. It's true that as I was cycling back from that wondrous event, it hit me that I gave mysekf to that guy completely - I can love! Properly! Imagine what it would be like with someone who can do the same. Hang on to that thought. From your tone, you will probably get over this faster than you think, even if right now you feel like your life is a funeral parlour. If it's any consolation (it is to me), tell yourself that wherever he's gone, whoever else he tries it on with now...it won't make a difference. Same old shit, different woman. People this manipulative and emotionally disconnected rarely mend.

That is impressive, waddle

You've had really good advice from AF Re the text I think things like that are like thieves (and he one too!) leaving a door or window unlocked to get back in your home at a later date. I would spend some time double checking your emotional doors and windows.

Texts, or proclamations of love, or 'woe is me' declarations, are ways to leave you wondering wtf is going on i.e. dazed and confused. You are seeking closure and prone to over thinking some 'good reason' why their actions didn't match their words.

Another 6mnths down the line if he is bored or broke he then can text an 'I'm sooo sorry, please let me explain, i miss you, you won't believe hard hard the last few months has been'

If you have had no closure (nor created your own 'closure') then you might be tempted to speak to him. And the charm offensive to worm his way back into your life will start again.

I would work on processing your feelings now so that you can ensure any sneaky emotionally manipulative ways back in are barred to him. If/when he gets back in touch you will be better protected.

Best of luck and really shitty about the money :(

I'm sorry to hear of your difficult time, waddlecakes, hoping for a timely (rather than speedy) recovery for you. Everything in your own time and each day done and dusted 'good'.

And witch (x-posted typing in the dark)

turnipcake also dated a paramedic who claimed to be stabbed. Surely that's too big a coincidence to not be the same bloke.

Not the same one as me, unless he had some scars from being burnt in a fire as a child?

Sheesh there are some dodgy paramedics out there.. three in one thread!