The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Off On A Journey Far & Wide, Full Of Support, With No Reasons To Hide.

[Mouseface]

Hey, I'm Mouse, one of the Brave Babes on this Bus. :)

We're heading to sobriety, in various different ways, in our own different ways, some of us are there, some not quite yet.

We're a group of non judgemental, mothers, wives, partners, sisters, daughters, girlfriends, and of course all of the male equivalents that run alongside those 'tags', but most of all, we are, or we have been, just like YOU. :) Real people with real concerns about how much we are drinking all of the time.

Our relationships with alcohol are varied, and you'll find most of us are wanting to do something about it..... desperate to stop the cycle of drinking, stopping, drinking, stopping, drinking more, stopping for shorter periods of time and then the reverse, doing ever so well and then 'something' happens and you're back to square one, a place that sometimes gets a little crowded, one little square filled with lots of people who all want out.

Sound familiar?

You're never alone here. Ever.

Come and take a seat, post or lurk. We won't bite but we WILL look after you, SUPPORT you, if you want us to. :)

And for those want to know how we've ended up where we are today, about three years on from THIS THREAD RIGHT HERE

To our last thread JUST HERE

It will be lovely to meet you so why not take a seat and have a gossip about all things booze related but also, DCs, husbands, wives, in-laws, out-laws, and everything in between.

There's always a seat for YOU xxx

Purps - Firstly, Mahooooosive hug to you, pre-teenage girls can be an absolute nightmare, purely for that reason.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

Honestly? Let her go home with him if that's what she wants, I know it will hurt her BUT - use it to your advantage, turn it around and make this a break for YOU. You sound as though you could both benefit from some space from each other and I bet you are so super alike that half the problem is that she's just like you were at that age? I know that my DD (14) and I are peas in a pod, even now!

Let him come, don't tell her, carry on with your day as you were going to, smile and wave, smile and wave......

The more you give it back to her, the more she'll get to you. It's not fair on the boys for you to be stuck in because of her.... so, do what you want today, tell her she's coming and that's final.

If she refuses to leave the cottage, tell her that you'll be taking something away, phone? Laptop? Some privilege away from her..... find something that's important to her, keep clam and tell her to think about her brothers, tell her she can hate YOU all she likes but that this is a holiday for you ALL.

What are you going to do if not the beach? Could you go somewhere else or are you public transport dependant?

I'm so sorry but she will come through this, and so will you. If it were me? I'd let her go with your Ex and give yourself a break, she'll come home after getting it all out to him, you can take it all in your stride with a massive pinch of salt and move on. She'll slag you off, you know that, so what have you got to lose by palming her off in him?

Make it clear that she's "going because you don't really like the way she's behaving towards you so you are asking her dad to have her for a while, because you love her and you don't like feeling like this about her so maybe she needs some space from you?" - something like that.

xxx

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Just popped in after seeing Purple's cry for help......

Hi Paw - how are you getting on? I see you and the side-car have been friends.... use the anger to do something about it sweets, you want to change, and you will, you can do this :) xxx

Hello to IsinDe, venus, and Thurso who I haven't seen here for far too long!!!

Pink - you are doing soooo well! Your posts are so positive and helpful, it's lovely to have such a successful story on the thread :) You and Lonni are amazing for turning things around the way that you have, well done you two!!! :) xxx

Obrigada - I hope you are in possession of that money by now!!

Greeny - sorry to hear that you are in pain and fed up, pain is a real downer and a HUGE trigger for drinking.

Ma - squidges from Nemo and a massive hug from me lovely. Clearly something's going on that's taken your drive away from you wanting to stop just now.... home? Work? Life in general? Sorry you're so pissed off.

Baby - great to see you back here!! Missed your posts! :)

Hello too to BamBam, Pervy and ThisIs - keep on keeping on Brave Babes!!

Sorry if I have missed anyone, hello to you if I have!

Off to the big park with my gorgeous little boy whilst it's not too hot.

Be back later, take care til then xxx

Huge thanks Paw and Mouse! Isn't it strange, just writing it down is cathartic - but to get a bit of sympathy and advice is fab!

Paw Love the word 'vile' - that's such an apt word. Have text XP to let him know (plus moaned on the phone to him last night) but he's useless at sorting problems out and will agree with whoever he's with - for an easy life.

Mouse You are so right, we are horribly very similar and, I suppose, in 'normal' life we have quite a lot of time apart - school, friends etc.

Yes, we have the car with us. Barmouth was gorgeous yesterday - and amazingly busy! We were going to go to the Blue Lake in Fairbourne (have you been there Mouse? It's beautiful. You can Google it) but I've suggested to the boys that we go to the park and the river for today (they love the park here in Dolgellau) and do Fairbourne tomorrow (with their Dad!).

Well, surprisingly, Mrs Vile Pants has just come in and apologised - properly and genuinely! Says she didn't mean the things she said. And, because I've vented my spleen on here, I was able to say "Come here, you goose, and have a cuddle"! Couldn't have done that without your help Babes.

Well, sunny here in Wales (my little sunburnt face is proof it was very sunny in Barmouth yesterday!). We really have had great weather!

Thank you my lovely Babes! xxxxxxxxxx

Purps I'm so glad she apologised and and you were able to make up. Mine can still be a right madam and she's 19. It really wears you out. For what it's worth I think Mouse nailed it. Sometimes it's best to just say 'ok, if that's the way you feel, then go back/don't do it/be by yourself (loads more examples, delete where appropriate Sometimes they are so surprised, it heads off an argument. Being a mum to a teenaged girl is like slowly being pecked to death by chickens (with the odd 'Love you Mum' and cuddle thrown in). Waves to Ma from the other side of the sidecar (I'm the puddle on the floor) 38 to 40 degrees here for the last two weeks. Green Sorry you're feeling poorly lovely, you've been really inspiring on here of late. Isinde have a great holiday. Baby nice to see you back. All other brave babes old and new Have a great weekend.

Thank you Ladame. You are so right! It's bloody relentless sometimes and totally draining - and I suppose that we are together 24 hours a day for 10 days at the moment. It took her a good 20 hours to apologise but, still, done now. Love the analogy of being 'pecked to death by chickens'! x

Hi all,

Purps sorry I didn't back to you earlier. Gah, holidays with the children can be so stressful. I can remember standing at the kitchen sink in a rented cottage/apartment/etc many times in complete bits, and thinking "why did we ever bother". My sister's DS a couple of years ago, had such a huge strop and walked out slamming the internal door of the rented cottage behind him, shattering all the glass!

I'm glad you've made it up, very wise words, as ever, fromMouse.

I'm off on hols next week, and both my DS (23 and 20) and thier GF's are coming at various times. DC2 and gf staying for most of the time (been going out for 6 months), and DC1 and gf of 3 years staying for a week. But....have been told by Dc1 that the gf's don't like each other!!

(I can't think that they've met very much, certainly they've never stayed at my house at the same time). They evidently knew each other at uni, which is where they all met (DC2 at same one that DC1 went to). What d'you reckon, shall i pack a flack jacket (weak attempt at humour) or just let them get on with it?

I was so overjoyed when I booked it, and thought it was going to be so special to have somewhere where the Dc's could come. (John Lewis advertisment has got a lot to answer for ).

xxxxx

Hi I've been lurking on this thread on and off for about a year now. I've not posted before as thought maybe my problem isn't big enough, or I've not wanted to give it any more significance in my life, but it's a problem for me.

For nearly ten years now I've been in the habit of daily drinking. Previously I'd go months without drinking and would just have lager on a night out. Now it's wine almost every night (two glasses most nights, and at least half a bottle fri, sat, sunday). And I feel like it is creeping up after I'd made an effort to have more alcohol free days, pathetically i can barely manage two a week :(

Last night I had no intention of drinking but I had a big row with dh. By way of apology, to pacify me, he bought me a bottle of wine. I did not want it, thought I'd just have one glass, was not enjoying it and almost finished the bottle! I didn't quite because I started to feel sick, never got felt pleasantly drunk, so don't know why I bothered with it anyway. Today I expected to feel dreadful but only feel mildly sick which is worse in a way. I think I must be building my tolerance up and the glasses of wine will turn into a bottle.

Sorry this is long winded. I hope by writing it down it might make me more accountable to myself. I especially want to cut right down on drinking now, in the school holidays, as I don't want my dc to miss out because I'm feeling tired or lethargic because I've over done it on the wine the night before.

Hello lovely Thurso :)

Oh dear, GF's that don't get on under the same roof? Not going to be all cocktails on the balcony at dusk is it?

Hopefully your house will be standing when you get back?

Purps - DD is best left too it and then, eventually will realise that she's been unreasonable or out of order. But... I can be just as bad, especially when I'm tried or in heaps of pain. I make sure that I apologise to her because I'm a huge believer in treating others as you expect to be treated yourself. So, if she asks for something andgets growled at, I always say sorry and make up for it best I can.

It's hard to balance it all out, you have to treat them all equally but also keep certain boundaries in place. I want to be friends with DD because that's something that I didn't really have with my mother at this age, we were already screaming at each other so in comparison, I think it's fair to say I'm doing ok?

But there are days when I think - I wonder if she's telling me everything. But then she has no reason to lie, she gets to go to parties which are rare, (I posted about the one that was at the boys house, girls, boys and booze, the one his step father had no idea about!! Little shit!!) because I think she needs to see we/I trust her. And on the flip side of that, when/if but most likely when she does break that trust, she'll know about it.

Purps - you are doing this ON YOUR OWN ALL OF THE TIME and I know that there are thousands of families out there just like yours but it's feckin hard with one child for a short time, what you and countless others do, day in day out is tough. It's shitty at times but one thing I can say with my hand on my heart is that when DD used to be in bed, after the worst day of us battling or her hating me for making her cheating twat of a sperm donor sod off father leave, when she was calm, asleep, snuggled under and safe, I'd just look at her and my heart would melt.

Even now at 14, I feel that way. I always will I guess. I like to know my babies are safe and sound.

So can I just say for all of you out there doing this solo, or with little support, who kick yourself for opening that bottle at the end of a day of fighting to keep it together, a day of screaming and tantrums (and that's just you!! ) or a day of feeling so desperately low etc...... sometimes, a glass of wine won't actually kill you, it's not the answer and for a one off, after all, who hasn't done that or knows someone who does once the kids are in bed?

How many of us can say that we know Mrs/Miss/Mr Soandso who have a bottle once the kids are in bed. It's expected these days, it's on the tv, in soaps (EastEnders being the worst for this) and dramas isn't it?

Thing is, as long as your drinking is occasional, then you've not got a problem have you? But what happens when that occasion happens every day? Well, that's when you seek help, in whatever form, The Battle Bus, GP, or support group etc......

Until then, give yourself a break for being human and feeling the way that you do :)

Sorry for such a mammoth post and I know that the odd glass can for some lead to the odd bottle or three, I know all too well.

Annie - welcome to La Bus :)

What you've posted is very familiar lovely, row, one gets the other a drink to pacify, the other doesn't really want it but that's the catalyst to analyzing your drinking and why you didn't really want it.....

So lovely, what's your plan for now, tonight? Are you going to drink and finish the wine from last night? Do you have any soft drinks in? Could you go to bed early, bath, book, bed? Keeping busy and distracting yourself is a winner for me.....

I hope things between you and DH are better now... so, for tonight, just worry about tonight okay? Let's get through the next few hours :)

Good evening all wonderful babes,

Well, a bit of a fail for me last night Went out to the village last night for dinner with some friends, it was far too hot (about 40 degrees). Only space was in the evening sun and wine was drunk, but as I am going through the meno, the heat hit me sooo hard and after three (v. large) glasses of wine I was too hot, too 'wined' and felt absolutely dreadful. Home to practically no sleep in the unrelenting heathole that is my bedroom and I felt awful today. I know that I had too much and am in the embarrassed hole today, remembering my French getting ever worse and sitting there in a soggy heap. But good friends so I hope they forgive me. Phew - wine + heat+ meno, not a good mix. I generally have three or four nights off and I feel so much better then, but I live in the land of wine and cheese and sometimes it's unavoidable (meaning I have no willpower in the face of others drinking). Anyway, it's done and one day I'll learn! All babes have a nice Friday evening and be kind to yourselves. x

Souris merci, vous êtes plus que jamais un soutien, merveilleux bébé x
(doesn't translate perfectly, but you know what I mean

Vous etes les bienvenus Ladame :) xxx

No real reason mouse. Everything is OK, just too weak willed and afraid of life without booze, despite being sick of drinking/being hungover. Don't know what else I would do in the evenings...need to start running again but CBA with that either.
Just a bit meh right now

Purple glad your daughter's apologised - I remember being a right cow to my mum at that age!

greeneyed have you decided to speak to your mum ? Best of luck to you.

Day 12 here and still feeling remarkably ok about not drinking. Work's been very busy and I've had a small bonus this week, which I'd usually spend on a nice bottle of wine but I think I'm going to treat myself to a bottle of perfume instead.

Going to a party tomorrow and out for lunch on Sunday, both of which would normally be an reason (excuse?) to drink copious amounts of beer/wine but I'm taking the car to both occasions so that I won't. It'll be nice to catch up with people and actually remember the conversations the next day

Hope everyone is having a happy Friday x

dementedma I know what you mean about not knowing what else to do in the evenings. I suspect I'm only feeling so positive as I currently have "stuff" to do (books, jigsaws, puzzles, computer games etc) that I can completely absorb myself with. I've also rediscovered a love of Vimto so I'm drinking that by the bucketload!

Oh Ma - you've lost your Mousejo

Seriously, sometimes, you just get stuck in the mud of day to day life and can't get out of it. I'm so sorry, I wish there was a magic wand to stop it but there's not.

How about a Nemo huggle?? :) I know that you are fed up sweets but we all think the world of you! So, we're here if you need us, okay? Big Hugs xxx

I've just had to go next door, to our 'neighbours' and tell them to shut the fuck up! They have numerous 'people' who are 'family members or not' depending on the day of the week, living there and tonight, they have all the windows open and the children - look at the time - are STILL screaming and have loud music on.

We've had to shut our windows, Nemo lost his last feed so I am on a hell of a night shift with no sleep as it is and he's not settling well. They know all about him, they know that I will call the police if need be and yet one of the 'mothers who doesn't live there with her child at her grandmother's house' was super "Yeah, what?" when she opened the door and saw me in my Boden PJs

It's not on though is it? We've already asked them twice tonight to keep the noise down as they keep Nemo awake. They are about to get a short, sharp, shock if this carries on........... little do they know

BTW - this is not a new thing..... this is a regular, PITA and I am getting a little bit sick of this shit!

Anyway, night all. Be safe and be strong xxx

Mouse I go through last night wine free, only the second friday this year without wine. I sort of feel like it was too easy though, I have a bottle of red but it's so hot it's not appealing. If it had been a bottle of white it might have been another matter....

I distracted myself with the ironing and watched some TV, oh and a slice of cheesecake :) I didn't come back on here as for me sitting at the computer with a glass of wine while dh watches TV is a total habit. I'd second what Ma said. I find the evenings so boring, I hardly ever go out, so just sit around with a glass of wine. It's like I tell myself I don't go out drinking so I'm entitled to a glass at home. Now that i just drink at home (I never used to) I drink way more over the week than I ever did.

Anyways tonight will be harder. I've not gone without wine on a saturday night for years. I've got a holiday to pack for on monday so I want to keep a clear head, and get a few alcohol free days behind me. Thinking about it, the weekend, holiday coming up, I've probably picked the worse time to try and cut down/stop....

BoiNNGGG! (Is that even how you spell it?)

Annie well done on getting through last night. Is there a particular point in the day/evening when you start fancying a drink. Lots of people have a wine 'window' - an hour or two when the urge is at its worst but then it passes and you don't 'need' or even fancy a drink. Its been a big help to me to identify my personal 'window' (which is 4pm-6pm) cos then I'm not thinking 'OMG I have to get through a WHOLE night of not drinking' - I just think 'I have to get through 2 hours then I'll be fine'. As long as I remove myself from temptation for that period (by having a bath, going for a walk, avoiding the supermarket - an aisle of wine!) then I can manage fine. Might that work for you?

Ma so sorry that you are down. How about signing up for a half marathon - would that help???? Or knitting, or rude embroidery check it out .

purple - the fact that your dd apologised speaks volumes for the relationship you have. I behaved like an arse 24/7 from the age of 12 to 19 and didn't apologise once. [and still haven't....

Waves to everyone. Got to go out now and face the MISERY that is buying school schools. DC's back to school next Tuesday - hoorah!!!!!

Arg - forgot...

pink - 30 days is awesome!!!! Glad you like the system. A big part of this for me is stopping the cycle of self-loathing and sense of failure which counting this way seems to do. I'd be delighted if it helps anyone else. (currently on 56/8 )

green so sorry about your mum, it must be super-stressful. Is there any way she would consider looking at the website you posted? It gave several of us on here a shake-up - would that work?

mouse - that's a nightmare about your neighbours - selfish bastards. But did giggle a bit at you going round there in your Boden pyjamas (natch). :)

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Thanks Edin It wasn't until I got back inside the house that I realised I'd got them on, I do have a few pairs of bottoms that I got from there in the sale but the mother had on the same PJs that she walked to the shop in that very same morning.

Anyway, I love your method of not drinking or the way you count I should say, you seem to have gotten a real handle on this and if it works for YOU then that is all that matters in my book.

You either need to stop completely or find something like you have, depending on the severity of your habit. :)

Annie - I agree with Edin - you need to take it an hour at a time if you have too. You're projecting and worrying about something that has yet to come. That said, I'd be like you and think 'shit, I want to enjoy my holiday and have a drink' and some people would tell you that you can enjoy yourself without having a drink BUT until YOU have had that experience yourself a few times, it's hard to contemplate. Do you see what I mean?

So, if this week's not the right time for you, then it's not the right time. It doesn't mean that you can't start to get a hold over your drinking, you can start to cut down, swap an alcoholic first drink for a soft one, have one less at the end of the night, change something that triggers you, like you said, sitting at the PC with a glass of wine (been there, loved that) is a really easy habit to pick up and hold onto but it's the small changes that make the BIGGEST differences in the long term.

There is no quick fix, there is no magic wand, there is no way you'll wake up in the morning cured of your habit/addiction etc. Only YOU can stop drinking the way you are, and from what you've said, you don't like how you drink know but my lovely, YOU have to be the one who takes control of that :)

We'll all be here for you, willing you on but the time has to be right, 100% right. Emotionally, physically, mentally. YOU have to be ready. Whether that's giving up completely or doing something like Edin does, it's finding what works for you. :) xxx

Oh and a HUGE well the feck done Annie on managing to get through last night without drinking, as you say, warm red wine on a hot summer's evening is not at all appealing, not compared to an ice cold Pinot, or Sauvignon Blanc......

Greeny - are you okay? Been thinking about you and your concern for you mum. Are you out there lovely, come talk to us and tell how things are if you get chance :) xxx

Edin - I've just clicked on that link and might take up embroidery myself!!

Pervy - you are doing great. 10 days is fab! I got to the 10 day, 2 week mark and started to feel the physical benefits about then, better sleep kicked in, better skin, puffy drinkers face was going, eyes were brighter etc.... and yes, treat yourself with your bonus on something that will last, like perfume, not something that will be gone in 1 night, like a bottle of wine. :) xxx

Well, DH is going off to watch the cricket with his friend tomorrow. He has to leave here at 8am, and they're staying over. Nice little jolly! so I am solo with the DC. I've promised DD a girly night of tv/film and said Nemo can sleep in mummy's big bed

Today is shopping for the diet, meat and fat, soda water and lots of limes....... who would have thought that bloody tonic water had carbs in? Tut!

What is everyone else up to?

Purps - I'm guessing that XP is arriving today, the weather is supposed to be lovely there, have a nice time, and I hope your DD is okay, and you too. :) xxx

Edin and Mouse thank you so much for your replies to me :) Certainly food for thought. I'm not sure there is a particular point in the day when I start fancying a drink. At random times during the day I will have some passing thought about drinking (which annoys me) but not an urge that I act on. I think it's sort of like if wine is there I become preoccupied by it as the evening goes on. I can get to 10pm, intending to go to bed at 10.30 and think 'oh I'll just have a small glass' which often ends up being a third of a bottle. It's pathetic but it's like I can't go to bed without wine passing my lips, and god forbid if dh has more than his 'fair' share of the bottle!

I know there are certain times during the week when I will almost certainly drink. If I've had a long day at work, and have the next day off, I'll think I 'need' it to unwind and I don't have to control it as much as I've got the next day to recover. Which is massively unfair on my dc if I'm tired and ratty in the morning.

It's the main reason I don't want to overdo it on this holiday; I don't want to spoil their fun or not really be present. I've been reading about HALT on the original thread and would say that's me, plus boredom, so I'm hoping there will be less triggers away from my usual environment. Ok I'm projecting too much now, I need to get tonight over with first. I'm sure dh will come home with wine tonight - white or rose - as he commented this morning that I'd not had a drink! I've told him before I want to cut right down, maybe even stop, and for all he drinks less than me he is not very supportive. If anything i think he sometimes tries to sabotage me. Although of course I chose to take the drink....I'm not force fed it

Love the embroidery edin but I'm not very arty crafty. A half marathon would kill me. I only do the 5k as a fundraiser for cancer research and don't really enjoy it, although it does help me to tone up.
Need to find the elusive something which will help me to change my habits.
Anyway got Ds schoolbag today so all uniform shopping is done . He goes back a week on Tuesday.