Who's going to start dating thread No57?

[akaWisey]

Or am I going to be 'one'

Thanks OWW, and for your earlier comment about my needs not being subservient to his. Actually it was that that really prompted my message to him about seeing each other without the dc. And it worked!

Date - he said one evening this week -which I also see as good as I assume that means he hasn't got a load of other dates pencilled in. And/or gave me two times this week when we could meet up with dcs.
I really need to focus on some other things this week though and this will be quite distracting. Maybe I should make it Thurs?

Before sunrise is on bbc1 now. My favourite film of all time!

Well, Wembley has reappeared.

GG has started the day by sending me suggestive texts about our horse riding date. I'm quite offended. He's been having thoughts about him meeting this sexy woman (me) in a dark alley, all smokey and dark and us kissing "will it ever happen?" and then "going river swimming after our early morning ride".

I want to tell him to fuck the fuck off and not because it's ridiculously early on a Monday morning either.

For an attractive, solvent, clever and independent woman - I'm attracting some pretty stupid men it seems.

GG has started the day by sending me suggestive texts about our horse riding date. I'm quite offended. He's been having thoughts about him meeting this sexy woman (me) in a dark alley, all smokey and dark and us kissing "will it ever happen?" and then "going river swimming after our early morning ride".

He obviously likes a good Mills & Boon bodice-ripper.

broken - shy date is the watch-checker? Do you want him to text you? It seemed like he'd annoyed you too much..

Dating summary from me, incidentally: I have no-one on the go at the moment. Couple of online email conversations happening, vague discussions about meeting with one when she's back in town. Promises of drinks with another who winked at me from N London accidentally when she was checking out the talent in Budapest - as she's relocating here soon.

A few winks from women I don't fancy the pictures of, or who say they speek vairy leetle eenglish (I kid you not) in their profile..

One OD profile looks very nice, I'll see if I can get a date this week but she leaves it days between emails so I'm not holding my breath.

Met the Seduction Coach for beers last night. Actually a nice bloke. He was giving me tips and I was saying I don't really want them, thanks. I'd kind of rather muddle through by myself. He's writing a book on how to pull women from most European countries, each nationality is different..

I'm getting a free copy when it's done as I paid for the beers.

Interesting conversation though

Bloke perspective needed, please (though others are helpful too)- Mr 3DD has ignored my last text. I was bored on Saturday evening, and asked if he was free as I fancied a night out on the town/pull, and my usual wingman was busy. He's never ignored a text before. I'm worried that he thinks I'm coming on strong, when in fact I just wanted a drinking buddy.

Does that sound as if I was asking him out? The text was pretty much what I've put there.

I don't have many local single friends, so I don't want to stuff this up!

keep, sounds brilliant, really pleased for you.

Wisey, that made me feel a bit icky.

tired, he likes you, he likes you....

The seduction coach sounds like a creep, Bant, though I'll trust your judgement on him being a nice bloke. And if there's money to be made fom people's loneliness...

Flipper I'd have said much the same thing if I'd been bored, have done, in fact. So no, it doesn't sound like that to me if that's the usual tone of your relationship.

Maybe he was away? Or ill?

Have given more thought to mr mills and boon. I reckon it's more like he's been thinking of ways to get my keks off, or at least to get me as near nekkit as possible as soon as possible .

I don't fancy him, if I did I'd be here all bouncy and excited like. So I need to bin.

Am thinking (again) that maybe I'm not cut out for OD.

99% of the messages and very few dates have been with blokes who I don't really have a physical attraction to and then the slightest idiosyncrasy that I don't like/get and I'm off. The only one I felt hugely attracted to was wannabe cocklodger and we lasted just over a year before I opened the bin and in he went.

Thanks, Wisey. I think the tone of our relationship is generally like that, though there's been a bit of banter from him about me fancying him, and from me about me being gorgeous, so equal on both sides, I'd say. His car was on the drive so he was in, he might have had visitors or have been entertaining a date, I guess, but not replying at all even the next day seems odd.

You're right, if you did fancy MrM&B that message would have been a lot less icky. Though it's a bit full on for a Monday morning!

I don't think that's unusual, Wisey. If you were to walk into a room full of 30 random, nice looking men, how many would you actually fancy? Quite often the answer will be none. I see OD as being very much like that. It's a way of meeting new people, who you may or may not want to see again. Of the ones you want to see again, they may or may not turn out to be someone you could 'date' in the romantic sense of the word. But if you don't go and meet any of them, you'll never know!

Flipper - it doesn't sound like you were coming on strong. I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.

The seduction coach actually struck me as a creep when I first met him because of his job. But when he explained a bit more to me, and I got to know him a bit better he's just someone who understands women a bit better than most men - i.e. that you're not a different species and want to be amused, entertained but not leched at and generally have a sex drive similar to mens - not the old fashioned approach that a woman only gives sex as a reward and doesn't want it for itself. His approach is based on identifying women who seem single and as if they're open to talking, and then basically saying 'want to have sex?' after a few opening lines. It works a lot of the time.

He's confident and attractive and very honest about what he does, including to the women he's talking to. It's better than the gibbering fools who drunkenly plonk and stare, or try to cop a feel, or think plying women with champagne until they're too drunk to stand is a good way of getting them into bed.

While I don't want to do what he does, I don't think it's wrong or creepy. I just think it's not for me.

wine I hear you .. I had to finish the opened bottle of wine last night (3/4 of a bottle left) so I could start my detox/half marathon training today )

bant we all need to read this book!!

Wisey it's not you, it's OD at a certain age. Remember I am Ms forty(maybe even fifty) plus dates. I found a good proportion of the early ones irritating, smug, entitled, sexist and presumptious because they were. I've had some absolute shockers. To add insult to injury, I didn't even get a second date from any of these men who professionally, I wouldn't even have employed on a daily Agency contract.

Of the last 25 or so, most were perfectly pleasant but not for me. Apart from with three men in two years, there was as much spark as a Catherine Wheel nailed to jelly. I had a think about how I might come across on first dates and now always get a second date request. I don't do fantasy induced smut, any incessant texting irritates me and early Monday morning would put me into orbit.

and that was only after I had filtered out the rest...

generally have a sex drive similar to mens
I think thats too simplistic Bant, women (for reasons of nurture not nature) tend to use quite different strategies when it comes to sex and are much less open to sex on a casual basis, as well as choosier when it comes to who they will have sex with.

His approach probably works for him because he picks women for whom he is a good catch and doesn't try to 'punch above his weight'.

Alot of men in OD are laughably unrealistic about their pulling power!

Hm, that does sound better than I imagined, Bant, and if he's honest about it then fair dos. Sounds a bit like "I like the look of you, I might want to have sex with you." without thinking you have make promises of undying love or get someone pissed. I'm all for asking for what you want.

And thanks, I won't worry anymore.

Sympathy to Kirsty and Wine.

I do wonder, if it was entirely free of consequences, physical harm, cultural assumptions that the man might make and therefore I wouldn't get the sex wanted, whether more women would just shag that passing hot guy on site.

Actually mercury, I've seen the women he's been successful with, and they are really very attractive. I mean, he's 34, they're early 20s, it's kind of sad really, but they're not the lonely-looking vulnerable girl in the corner. He knows what he's doing and he's good at it. And he doesn't do OD, only real life.

But he did say it's all got very empty recently - 4 or 5 different women a week for the last year has taken it's toll - I presume emotionally - so he wants to write his book and meet someone nice and settle down.

I kind of think he's screwed himself over on that one - I've seen it happen to other friends where it's become an addiction they can't stop - the thrill of the chase type thing..

Bant I wonder whether he would actually be able to attract and keep a very attractive woman in her 30's though. Once who is serious about having a life partner where he would have to offer something else after the initial chase. In my early twenties I was tripping over men and it was easy come easy go and I never took any of them too seriously.

Juliette - 40 or 50 dates? Wow. I am stunned. I've been OD for two months and not had one. Was looking at POF as I found Match awful last year. I've had messages but almost all from scattershots (ie, they just mail all newbies with a "hi how are you?"). The few that appeared to be genuine were very far from my type.

I did a search with no parameters yesterday with the exception of age (I am 35 and would like a partner within 5 years either way) and distance (50 miles). Just to see what's out there before looking at the usual preferences. I am quite happy to message a guy first but there were probably only 10 I thought remotely attractive or cute (and I do not go after the unattainable, we're talking 'average' kinda guys).

Sheesh. May as well give up now!

Juliette - I dunno. As I said I think he may have screwed himself up a bit.

I was bored on my lunchbreak so given Juliette's summary I thought I'd work out how many OD dates I'd been on in the last 9 months or so, since I started doing it this time round.

And it's not as many as I thought. I've had 18 first dates, although that includes ShoeGirl who didn't show. 7 of those have gone to second dates, and two have gone to more than that (Buffy and the Artist)

There are only two which went to a second date which I wish had gone to more, that was the Amazing Vanishing Historian, who.. vanished, and Pixie, who couldn't ever get a sitter so it just tailed off.

And none where I asked for but didn't get a second date. I do kind of wish my one date with a pschologist hadn't been at a starbucks off the M25, the distance would have been a sod but there may have been chemistry if the place hadn't been so sterile.

So that's 18 first dates, 7 second dates, 2 short-term relationships.

Plenty of cases where I asked for, but didn't get, a first date of course.
I'm not sure what that says about me. I'm better in person than my profile?