Who's going to start dating thread No57?

[akaWisey]

Or am I going to be 'one'

[OhWesternWind]

Message from Indie (remember him? Drumming bloke) on PoF seeing if I want a shag but put a bit better than that. Have had the same off Weekend Builder last week so that's 100% of the people I've been to bed with since LM. Is this common/normal behaviour? I'm not tempted but it does seem a bit odd seeing as I finished it with both of them.

[lurkinglorna]

ha ha OWW you are obviously irresistible in bed and on their minds! take it as a compliment, and leave it at that?

(i get a few dirty texts sometimes from someone who i had very good chemistry with - I think I might take him up on a night together if we are in the same city! obviously probably not so appealing from someone i don't fancy as much but just "meh" I suppose. )

[KinNora]

I may need crash carping, I've found a recent photo of Talent Show online where he looks like he's not quite as skinny (I like a solid gentleman) and less like Johnny Ball on acid, and I think I'd like to have carnal knowledge of him.

[Bant]

OWW - just reply to Indie with this

broken - 35 isn't old, these days. I met my XW when she was 35, and we had two DC.
And as for the guy having other plans - would you prefer he'd kept his evening clear on the assumption you might end up in bed together?

Once you've been doing OD for a while, you learn not to expect too much from a first date - so having plans afterwards isn't really a bad thing. And at least it shows he has a social life. If he's not for you, that's fine - but him having plans after the date isn't really rude of him, I think.

[OhWesternWind]

Would love to think I'm an irresistible sex goddess Lorna but I think the reality is they're not getting it off anyone else so it's worth being a bit cheeky ... But if a man had finished with me, no way would I pop up a few weeks later asking him to scratch my itch. Odd.

Glad you got a response, and I like the way he's taken the time to explain the situation re being in communication.

I've been on second dates to give someone a chance (and on third, fourth and fifth dates - see Indie above). But I would never go out again with someone I'd found rude or irritating or arrogant etc.

Broken I am worried about you and I'm saying this out of concern and not to have a go. You've said a couple of times now that you're running out of time and I think if you go into OD with an agenda to try and meet and settle down with someone very quickly, you are going to be vulnerable to making bad choices and settling for someone who's not right with you. And I still think you are maybe not over your ex yet but you're pushing yourself to date before you're ready because you can hear that clock ticking. Really, a few months won't make any difference and you will find yourself in a much better frame of mind for dating (and therefore it will be easier to attract a better type of man) if you go through the grieving and recovery process first. Sending you a virtual hug.

[OhWesternWind]

Ha Bant that would keep him happy for hours ...

[JulietteMontague]

Kin you're welcome

[KinNora]

Genuinely slightly hysterical Juliette - thank you

[Bant]

broken - if you found it rude then don't see him again. I agree that it's impolite to do that, and whilst having plans afterwards is, in my view, acceptable, it is rude to keep checking the time as if to say 'my other plans are more important than you'

If you don't like the way he combed his hair, the way he sneezed - anything - then it is okay to say no. I do think that people get too bogged down in details like that when it comes to rejecting people's profiles online (don't like the fact they're a plumber, or prefer blonds, whatever) but in person if the connection was there you probably wouldn't even care about sneezing or hair or watch-checking. Obviously it didn't work for you so just forget about it and move on. You can reject a person for whatever reason you want - if they're not right, they're not right. If you felt it was rude, then get rid.

As OWW says though, you don't seem like you're in a good place to be dating, you should maybe spend time becoming happier with yourself after your split rather than heading out all-guns-blazing to find someone new. If you haven't given yourself time to grieve your old relationship then you're more likely to make bad choices. No one wants you to get more hurt than you have been, and dating can be rough, so it's said with respect.

[JulietteMontague]

Broken there are lots of us on here 'on the sofa', not dating for a variety of reasons. These include concentrating on other things, just taking some time out, dating fatigue, reevaluating after a fling or not being ready.

Again, I'm not saying this to be critical but if you found this man rude, he was socially awkward yet kept trying to put his arm around you which you weren't comfortable with and felt you just had to sit it out for 3 hours then you may not ready for your relaunch yet. Taking time and staying around on the thread may be a good way to a more gentle introduction to OD, help you to find your dating feet courtesy of all our adventures and mishaps.

I get it because I felt the same way at 35, but 35 is so not old.

[JulietteMontague]

Broken, crossed posts with Bant

[mercury7]

yes I'm on the sofa, dont even really know why, I have periods where dating sites seem quite fun and I have the urge to find a lover, then suddenly I just cant stand them and it doesnt seem worth the hassle

[KinNora]

'pish' is Scots for 'rubbish' Broken .

Mid-thirties isn't bad, my sister got married at 36 and had her first child two years later.

[ALittleStranger]

Broken I understand where you're coming from and when you're panicking it's hard to listen to rational advice, but the MN boards are absolutely full of people who met their DPs after 35 and went on to have children. If you rush into something it's not going to work anyway and you're just going to make yourself unhappy. I seriously think that if you got to the point where children were essential now doing it alone would be better than trying to force a relationship which will probably leave you a single parent anyway. I do think you'll find you get less panicky, but like everyone has said you need to give yourself time to heal and grief. When I first split from my ex I was absolutely blind sided by the panic I had about my biological clock (and I'm young enough for that to truly ridiculous!), but it does ease off.

I love rule number 6. I'm not normally one for empowering slogans, but I have turned to it a lot since Snape first posted it.

My rule number 7 would also be only do OD if you actually like dating. You can't just see it as the means to a longterm relationship as you will be disappointed. You have to enjoy getting out and having random evenings with people you don't start imagining marriage and babies with. It's been one of my big discoveries that I do like this and I think it's made me far more confident.

[BillMasen]

Well the Italian cancelled our lunch meet so that's another one done with.

Nothing else lined up at the moment, which is probably good as I am busy at the moment. Holiday with kids next week and moving house the week after.

Hi to all, and the new faces too

[akaWisey]

Second date with GG will be horse riding. My choice.

I have a hangover today. .

[KinNora]

Hello Bill as for the Italian - whateva, you deserve better.

Wisey - crisps and lemonade and paracetemol you'll be right as rain in no time.

[48howdidthathappen]

Hi. Place marking.

I am recovering from my night of Rock and Roll

[SmallChanges]

Hey thread 57!

On sofa. Mainly.



Enters the shadows...

[HeyBeenTryingToMeetYou]

Hi thread,

Bant are you about? Would like your peacockesque views on some pics I am thinking of putting on my profile (which is def in need of pimping).