Who's going to start dating thread No57?

[akaWisey]

Or am I going to be 'one'

@ Stranger

is this the guy you wanted to have the "fling" with?

bit "tricky" to steer them away from exclusivity but can be done?

personally i think its not that tasteful to be explicitly "discussing" Other People I Am Currently Dating - even if its casual i don't think your lover needs to know "yeah, might be out with someone else tomorrow!".

but you don't want to waste their time though if they "are" looking for someone in an exclusive progressive relationship! i'd just vaguely drop a sentence about "not wanting to settle down with anyone or get a boyfriend at the moment" and leave it at that.

oh and you gotta be prepared that he might genuinely want more than a fling, so might close things even if he is getting the beautiful sex? that's the thing with a fling - no commitment either side.

bonne chance.

Bant re: meetup i reckon mixed groups are a bit more fraught for single females.

i always get the vibe most guys would be a bit if their OH was obviously getting very physically flirty with a single guy, but could see a straight conversation for what it is. so yeah you could have those zombie apocalypse conversations and enjoy them!

but for women, even if there is NOTHING going on and their man isn't all that, sometimes even the thought that he "would if he had the chance" or is being a bit flirty can make them go ape?

you can either be patronised as "single female, must be desperate" and pushed towards the weird schlumpy blokes no one wants, or if you keep an air of mysterious confidence and present yourself well you're plotting to steal everyone's men (even if you don't want them) .

hello fellow new people

good luck 55 i think you got lots of different points of view so i'll just send you good thoughts!

Lorna - yes, you're right of course, these things are probably different for men - however there are going to be similar issues.

If I went to something like that and got chatting to a woman for a while, then I would be concerned that her OH was jealous. But I wouldn't make a move, I wouldn't invite them out for a drink later, and a while after noticing him being jealous over in the corner I'd move on and talk to someone else.

But I wouldn't feel bad for having a conversation with someone interested in me. The guy would obviously be an insecure dick who shouldn't be going to a MeetUp thing if he didn't want he or his wife to MeetUp with new people.

I'm not responsible for other people's issues, I'll talk to people who are interesting, and who find me interesting. I'd politely talk to the schlumps but decide who I wanted to talk to, not be 'pushed' by anyone. And if people choose to judge me for being overly flirty, when I'm just chatting to people, they can get bent.

Different meetup groups will have their own dynamics of course, and I understand it's different for women, but I'd still say to just ignore people who are pushing you towards schlumps, decide who you want to talk to, and talk to them. You're a strong independent woman and can talk to whoever the hell you like.

If people have a problem with that, they don't have to talk to you. Maybe they should leave their husbands at home if they can't trust them.

Will catch up with thread promise..

Loo update. Very nice, great conv. Not convinced spark but attractive and quite lovely we'll see...

As you were...

glad its goin well newstart

Sounds promising New

Lorna good points, I tend to forget these things are a two-way street and life has a way of mocking those who make plans.

ha ha yeah Stranger of course it is a compliment to yourself that chap you want to keep it casual with want something a bit more - means you're coming across well?

i know the stereotype is "men like sex" and of course they do, but i also think a fair amount are genuinely looking for the girl who will act in a social context as their girlfriend, is willing to meet their friends and family etc, progress things. especially if they are fairly sorted in other areas of their life and dating someone who socially fits in with them, they don't want to be wasting time being lifelong players or going on bad dates!

the "bridget jones" thing with women desperate for commitment and men shy of it is complete and utter bullshit in my opinion.

Lorna, I agree Bridget Jones is an anachronistic and annoying stereotype

It's possible to put a very strong case that men benefit more than women from being in a relationship.

...so we could argue that men will have a stronger motive than women for seeking commitment

KN re ED, for which there is Viagra, no?
Lorna in my area there are quite a few Meet Ups for single people ( & not all hillwalking: music, cinema, bowling, meals out, a standing Sat coffee morning) so you can assume everyone there is single. Solves your problem, though maybe where you are this is not available.

thanks moanranger

@ mercury

definitely, there seems to be a bullshit mindset that "women are after a committed relationship with a man, regardless of who the man is" this mindset often seems to be promoted either by

• slightly unhappy/nosy coupled up people so that they can "prove" that being part of a couple is "better" than being single

• or really desperate men trying to convince you to "settle" for them.

i mean of course i think most of us are "open" to relationship with someone we genuinely feel with, but i think. sure it gets lonely at times, but then i know a lot of "happily married" people who feel lonely too, its the human condition!

well call me cynical but I think it's part of the general strategy used by men to give the impression that women need men more than vice versa.

Of course women have counter strategies to promote the view that we are the prize and they need us more

As far as I know the evidence (from studies into health & well being) supports the womens case

I think you're assuming some kind of huge male conspiracy, mercury - most of us just bumble through life without any grand plan to oppress women, to be honest.

interestingly enough, i actually often think women also push single women towards "settling". i try never to discuss my single status in real life or you get:

"oh, look at X, he's my weird single mate, he's desperate to settle down and you said you are single too, so GET IT ON. you don't want go out on your own and find someone you actually fancy, that would mean he will just USE YOU FOR SEX."

and its like "fuck off, you don't know my relationship goals - i'm fairly off the marriage/kids path so can stick to looking to date men i'm excited about"

well that's my thought anyway, of course i do not say aloud.

ps funnily enough, these women often tend to have fairly frumpy husbands.

Back from date.

We talked and talked about all sorts, life, relationships, work ethic etc. I am good at making conversation and so was he. Was nice.

Had a long kiss too which he instigated in our post lunch field wander ... Not so convinced re that bit it wasn't bam pow, but was lovely and he seemed to enjoy it...

Anyway, I left saying I'd 'text him' had to rush off to get the kids, needed to go!!! So I've landed myself in the driving seat I guess

Thanks for the good vibes and support

Haven't looked at meet ups.. Might..

New Start

I think you're assuming some kind of huge male conspiracy, mercury - most of us just bumble through life without any grand plan to oppress women, to be honest.

Bant,
Of course I dont think that there is a male conspiracy...well certainly not in the sense of a co-ordinated over arching plan.

I am not suggesting that these strategies are consciously or deliberately adhered to, they are just part of the culture...norms of behaviour that we tend to go along with.

as we bumble through life we tend to do things which we 'instinctively' feel will further our own best interests.

NewStart - don't worry about Bam Pow (unless you're the animator of a 1960s superhero comic book.

A bit of spark, a frisson, the possibility it might grow to something more - that's what you need. And it sounds like that's what you got :)

nice one.

Lorna and Mercury - I think society in general pushes people into things. As a divorced man in my 30s I appear to be a failure to people who don't know me and my circumstances. They assume I'm either a cheater, a wife beater or possibly in the closet. And also obviously a terrible father.

I try not to pay attention any more, I want to find someone who gets me, who I get, who makes me laugh and wants to have lots of good sex. And if it works out long term, then great. I'm not so concerned about the rest of my life, it'd be nice but I'm taking it one step at a time.

Right, I need advice please Thread! Am having date three with the rather lovely Alpha tomorrow evening. So far he has been the perfect gentleman, beautiful manners, hug and kiss when we meet/leave, a little light touching of the arm but nothing more. On reflection, I think he likes me but is just taking it slowly, which is good in many ways but blimey I could do with having a kiss to see if things work that way. Any suggestions? I am not going to launch myself at him, but I want to subtly encourage him along.

I thought I might take a taxi then he'll have to give me a lift home. Not going to invite him in but maybe being in his car might give him the opportunity?

Any other suggestions more than welcomed.

I am enjoying this old-fashioned approach, actually. It is building the tension and no mistake!

ha ha OWW you harlot (woman after my own heart!)

ok just loose suggestion.

feel free to dismiss.

-more alcohol? obviously not paralytic but for loosening up

-also i have found some (very attractive) men are very funny about having "public contact" where people can see them? maybe he might want to hold off till you're on a sofa in someone's home or on a bed with complete privacy. i think men can get quite (sorry ) "obviously physically excited" in a more explicit way when interacting with a pretty woman, so will only initiate any contact where they have 100% privacy.

Thanks Bant. Reassuring. That's what I thought but hmm anyway was really nice so will keep it simple and so again if I get chance.

Oww it's a tough one. Didn't think the consultant would make that move today - might have been to shut me up actually I was talking rather a lot hehe. But he said 'what's the consensus on kissing on date 1'? Worked quite well as he sort of asked but have me an out? Not sure I'd be brave enough. Did punce once on date 1, was very nice and did leas to date 2 etc but the chap was quite surprised so I don't think is have the guys to so that again!!

Like you though I need to KNOW!!!

He told me he was old fashioned so I wasn't expecting it but then we spent 4 hours together I guess.. Don't think he expected it either. Oh well.

Hope he pounced tomorrow!!

'Gave' me an out. I hope the rest of the rubbish phone typing is workout-able sorry..