Who's going to start dating thread No57?

[akaWisey]

Or am I going to be 'one'

Lorna I hear you! I have an attached acquaintance who I saw today. I don't think I'm imagining it, but we have a bit of a spark and I always feel like his DP hates me. I was generally the only single lady out today and it's a bit meh, especially when most of the couples were also a bit meh together. To be honest, I probably felt more smug than sad. I'd rather be single and have the promise of something exciting, then wake up next to something crap every day.

55 any update?

thanks ALittleStranger

its socially tough - as in "must make sure I'm not seen to be standing talking 1-1" with someone attached for too long! don't want to be insensitive, even if the guys are starting conversation!

and of course to reassure others i could say "well i am dating X who is working abroad" which actually is "technically true" but then i bugger up my chances of chatting with anyone who is single and looking!

argh!

WineHow appallingly rude to just come out with it like that

even if he ultimately did want that to happen you'd think he'd test the water a bit first, perhaps suggesting something w/s related but much less full on..
I think I'd have poisoned him on the spot..well certainly delivered that most poisonous look I could muster!

ah how I love waking up to a conversation with 'cuntybaws' and 'piss in your mouth' on a sunday morning... :)

Regarding the meetup thing - I think it's different from being at a christening or work do or something when it comes to social dynamics. By definition, everyone there is meant to want to meet people, male or female, and if some woman has a problem with her OH chatting to attractive women, that is her/their problem. If she doesn't want him meeting up with new people, they shouldn't be going to a thing specifically designed for meeting new people. I'd say you can chat to whoever you want, just keep an eye out for the wedding ring if they're getting too flirty.

I like OD for it's straightforwardness - you're meeting people who want to date, want a relationship or something casual, but they've advertised the goods, so to speak. Real life is different but more colourful. I have more of a RL social life in Hungaria than I have in several years of being married or single in England, and there are little pitfalls like meeting the Translator, going to the zoo with her and then she says actually she's kind of seeing someone else (who's shagging around and she's annoyed with it but says 'yeah, but what can I do?' in a pathetic kind of way.. sad really)

But RL gets me meeting more people, men and women, and their friends, and friends of those friends, which to some extent replaces the friends I lost when I split from my STBXW. And I'm a social animal, I like meeting new people and talking rubbish over beers, I'm not the scared type who sits in the corner, more of a plonk-myself-down-at-someones-table and discuss their views on the zombie apocalypse (or something) Which is fun.

If I had more time in the UK I'd join a meetup thing. I always thought it was just hill-walking. I bloody hate hill walking.

I'd say 'no' Broken remember insouciance is your friend, if he wants to get in touch he will.

Morning everyone.

Ahh, the power of the sex hormones, 'tis a bastard. I'd probably still go with 'no' but see what other people recommend.

I'd go with no. There's a reason there's no such phrase as a two night stand.

Morning all! Bit of a lie-in after cleaning marathon yesterday. Now looking vaguely presentable in case anyone chances to visit.

I'd leave it Broken and see what happens. Do not chase. If it comes to nothing and you're after a bit of luuurrrve then there are plenty out there who will assist. Hope it's given you a bit of a boost - you are sounding a lot brighter which is fab.

broken - I'd agree. No.

You can leave it 4 or 5 days until he's obviously not going to contact, then text and say 'I presume you didn't want a repeat of last week. Shame. Nevermind' or something. All casual-like.

Yes Broken, it's obviously possible to have a short-term sex-based relationship ([grins] at self and diary), but the same tends to apply, I've found that men will always get in touch quickly (partly out of politeness) even if you're not firming up a time and a place for a re-run.

Bant are you sure about that text? I'd read it as quite passive aggressive rather than a casual offer for a repeat, but I tend to bow to your knowledge of the male mind.

I'd also add that if you genuinely just want sex it's better to find someone new than expose yourself to all kinds of heartache with someone if they're not that keen. I find that however casual something is, repeat appearances always get under my skin.

Absolutely Stranger but would just add that trying to have any kind of set-up with someone who's not that keen is a recipe for heartache and disaster and a big knock to your self-confidence. If someone's reluctant or unable to give you what you want/need, for whatever reason, then walk away. Far easier to do this sooner rather than clinging on and accepting crumbs. This is a lesson I've learned by bitter experience and I will never, ever go there again.

It's not going to 'work' in the sense of getting him interested again, apart from seeing you as a quick shag whenever he wants. I'd recommend not going down that road.

If it comes to the point where he hasn't contacted you after 5 days he's unlikely to do so, to be honest. There is a 3 day 'rule', beyond 3 days he's probably not going to call. It's not strict of course but as a rule of thumb it kind of makes sense.

Of course he could be waiting for you to call, he could have thought he was crap in bed and is hoping you want to see him again - but it's really not likely. If he's got any self-confidence at all (which should have been boosted by DTD with you) then he'd pick up the phone. If it goes beyond 4 days he's not going to, and that is just a way of your pointing out he was a dick and taking some control of the situation. As in - 'lost your chance now mate'

Yes Stranger - that text was more a way of broken calling him out on being a dickwad and saying he'd lost his chance for a casual thing, even though she doesn't want one herself - to reframe the situation from him going 'I'm such a stud. I had a ONS and didn't call her again' to 'I'm such a moron, I could have had great sex on tap and screwed it up by not calling her again'.

So that way broken gets to stick the knife in just a little bit, to a bloke who's a player.

I reiterate though, you can't make him want a relationship, texting him now may possibly make it less likely, but to be honest it's just a waiting game. He does or he doesn't.

Like Schrodingers cat. If you open the box, the cat is dead. If you send the text, unless there was a really strong connection between you, then it may kill the cat. All you can do is wait for the cat to text you and get on with other stuff. Or something.

I'd say if you DTD on Friday night, he should probably get in touch by tonight, maybe tomorrow. If not, write it off as a fun Friday night, and go search for someone else. It takes a lot of looking.

I think you've just had some excellent advice there from Stranger, OWW and Bant , Broken - I'd say that the single most important thing for you is to avoid anything that's likely to cause your spirits to be dented.

In self-centred news, had a text late last night from Talent Show which seems to hint that he has problems with erectile dysfunction, text conversation about kissing not sex, by the way. Sometimes I feel like Fate is conspiring against me.

But you hadn't slept together at that point and from what you told us it seems like date didn't go that well?

This is one of the few areas where I do think things are quite cut and dried. If a guy is interested he will contact you fairly sharpish after sex.

And if he's not interested just remind yourself that there's no accounting for taste.