Who's going to start dating thread No57?

[akaWisey]

Or am I going to be 'one'

...seeming relaxed AND chatty.

Stop I do think that if he entirely ignores the first message then that is probably your answer. I wouldn't tell someone not to send a follow up message with an explicit date request, but I wouldn't personally. How long have you been ODing? Unfortunately silence is the default option! Sometimes that works, if you're both a bit meh about a first date for instance, but it requires a thick skin at other times.

Anyway, I'm saying all this far too soon as you can't file him under 'non-responsive' yet.

Why is a text arranging the next date on the way home a no-no stranger??

Most 2nd dates I have had have been agreed in person on the first date

I've learned to not ask someone for a second date while on a first date, as they may feel uncomfortable and say yes out of politeness. Also, I may be a little drunk. And I'd really prefer to ask them when we're both sober so we both actually want to be there next time.

Texting afterward? Well if it's gone really well and there was a connection, I've done it before. But it could make me appear a bit needy.

oh I'm new to it all, stranger! I suppose I was expecting a positive response as it seemed to go so well on the night! but I guess that's the nature of OD. yes, a thick skin appears to be necessary!

I think it's a personal no-no rather than standard, but I've found the ones who do are likely to also come across as needy on the date. If it's that obvious you're both keen, ask and firm up in person (although agree with Bant's caution) I'd rather be given time to think. Plus without endorsing game playing, I think leaving it over night encourages the other person to sweat a little and decide they would like to be asked out again please!

I always have first dates in the day time for coffee ( yesterday was the first lunch) and always sober. I have had people ask if I want to go on a 2nd date and have said no in person ..

interesting to read others POV!

If I REALLY like the guy i'll text him after first meet ASAP to go:

"was lovely meeting you today thank you for ....... regards ps do give me a shout if you ever fancy a chat again".

reasons....

1. Its VERY rare i feel "yes I'm VERY interested" especially with OD, so i'd rather "get my interest lodged" as i know people are multiple dating and busy so don't wanna leave any uncertainty.

1. My wording is fairly casual so "no pressure" - not aggressive or anxious, like "i've looked up your favourite restaurant and they have a space free on wednesday. I think we could get serious. DO YOU LIKE ME?"

More like "you can ask me, and i'll say yes".

1. Must say that when i'm 50/50 or don't really like the guy, i leave him to follow up himself (eg guy i mentioned in last thread, who seemed to have BO issue - he contacted me to ask for 2nd date, I would have been happy to leave it after the 1st meet but thought i'd give him a chance to see if the BO was a one off thing!)

1. Of course it doesn't mean i'm a pushover or run round trying to please them or instigate all contact and don't read social cues. I assume the men who strike "me" as being attractive are in demand by other women - so i'm not gonna cripple myself by doing the "you must chase after me and i will wave my fan at you as a reward" dance. I don't start lots of "chat sessions" or try and take over someone's social life, just indicate that i am up for the 2nd date if offered....?

i mean what does it "prove" if someone chases after me ? it doesn't mean that the relationship is gonna be better or that i'm more attractive.

@ ALittleStranger

yeah I think day after is good day to do it! although some exceptions, like if a guy is working crazy hours or whatever and has only a rare weekend free, then if we've met on friday i've texted friday night so we can meet up again on saturday, play it by ear really!

Lurking, I've always been just the same, on the rare occasions I met someone I liked I'd text him after the first meeting to say I enjoyed meeting him and would like to take things further.

Nice date tonight - went for a meal, his choice as he's a bit of a foodie, but it was a blooming dry restaurant. Oh dear. I do find a date goes better with a little bit of alcohol. Lovely food though, lovely man, very nice, funny, made me a "mix tape" as we'd talked about music a lot. Just had a text to say thanks for a lovely evening, which it was.

But oooh Alpha date tomorrow! Can't wait. Hope I've not let my imagination run away with me here but he seemed great the first time we met. Not that I am excited, oh no, not me, not at all. Feeling very nervous and full of butterflies already. This is one I'm asking you to all keep your fingers crossed for.

fingers crossed OWW

mine too, OWW

Good luck OWW!

Fingers crossed all day OWW

Morning and have a splendid day everyone.

Morning all

Fingers crossed OWW

Well, good morning all you contortionists! Day started well, nice text already from Alpha before he goes to work. No smutty or suggestive texting at all which is very refreshing. Am getting too excited about all this.

Hope everyone has a lovely day.

OWW that all sounds very promising .. My fingers are also crossed for you

bant did you get a reply from the married one? (Sorry if I missed this)

Kirsty - yep - she just seems to need someone to talk things through with. Usual story, she was pregnant with the 1st one, husband went off with his ex-gf, she threw him out, he persuaded her to take him back, got pg with the 2nd one, he's been disappearing off, she thinks he's back with the ex again and they're in separate rooms while she works out how to throw him out again.

I've suggested counseling, given her my theory on why marriages break down if not looked after, and said I'm there to talk (via email) if she wants to. I've also made it subtly clear I'm going to leave the country at some point so I'm not someone to turn to in times of need...

I think you have been kind bant but you may regret getting involved .. I hope not!!

Well, it seems she's being up front, Bant. I think you've done A Good Thing.

Am getting excited for you, OWW.

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to meee-eeeee
Happy birthday to me!

maybe - but as everything I said was about how she can fix the marriage it's fairly clear I'm not encouraging her to leave - I've never been one to say 'LTB' unless he's actually hitting her or something and I've told her how unpleasant splitting up can be.

It would be difficult to see how I'm angling to be the OM or something. But you're right, I'm keeping it minimal contact.

Happy birthday Flipper

Happy birthdayflipper