Who's going to start dating thread No57?

[akaWisey]

Or am I going to be 'one'

Bant no matter how difficult her life is, you cannot be her rescuer. She contacted you, she may be in fear of telling friends in RL or family but imo a woman who will put herself on a dating site as single, send pictures and then follows it up by setting out her stall the truth is either desperately lonely, bonkers or scamming.

None of these would be what you signed up for.

You could always politely decline and let her know she can contact you to chat when she is free?

felicity - I generally find female friends are less likely to challenge me to an arm wrestle. Many of my good friends are women and I'm able to resist sleeping with them.

I'm just thinking of the number of threads I've read where people in tough situations say 'I don't have any friends to talk to in real life' - and think 'can I say no here?'

I mean of course I can. I could tell her to go away, fix things, see a counselor, whatever. Or I could say we meet as friends only and see how things go romantically with the other two dates I have lined up.

I just hate seeing someone having a bad time. Call it my old fashioned sense of gentlemanliness or whatever.

From our email conversations she's interesting and funny. I'm really torn here. She sounds like she's in a bad place and from having read some of the horror stories on here, I could be a shoulder to lean on as a friend when she needs one. Her dating profile says she's looking for friends, not dating.

Bant, I normally NEVER offer advice but on this occasion I will and I'll echo MissyLemon - AVOID THIS ONE.

No matter how big you feel your shoulder is, this has potential shitstorm written all over it. Does this lassie not have Hungarian pals to support her in times of crisis ? Why is she looking for a foreigner for solace ?

Sorry to be so matter-of-fact and cynical but don't forget, you are a stranger in a strange land with a young family back in the UK.

55 good news on dinner .

Felicity some sites attract people looking for friendship as well, I know people who have made friends on sites and I would have wanted to be friends with several of my dates, interesting, knowledgeable but no way could I ever have fancied them.

Oh ladies where am I going wrong? Every time I meet someone from OD, we have a great time (or so I think) but then I struggle to get past the 2nd date, I always get dumped! Starting to wonder what's wrong with me!

Bant - I wasn't suggesting you aren't able to have friends of the opposite sex. I have many too. I was asking a serious question. Would you have 'befriended' her if you met her, say, at work?

Juliette - I know it happens. Just seems a bit odd to make a point of using a dating site to make friends (as opposed to possibly decide to stay as friends if dating didn't work out)

Felicity - probably, yes. She seems amusing. If I met her at work though there wouldn't be a problem so much because I don't date people I work with. And there is a limit to how 'friendly' I can get with work people given the fact I may have to fire them at some point.

If I'd met her out for a drink with friends, and she talked about her problems, I'd say I was okay to talk about it but make it clear I wasn't going to get involved romantically with someone who's married.

I think I'm going to say I'm open to listening to her via email, but not going to meet her in person while she's married. And that I'm going to be dating other people, so all we can be is friends. Is that safe do you think?

Bant - I think being an 'email friend' is probably the safest option if you feel you want to talk over someone-you-don't-know's marital woes . Less chance of irate husband following her when she wanted to chat over her "woes" with you over a drink and breaking your legs!

Bant that sounds good. You can see how it pans out and always change your mind about meeting up if you want to later.

Dutch is visiting on Saturday for a few day. I have no idea if we can move forward, I am still very pissed off.

as in not ready to forgive (yet?) I think

Hi all

Massive apologies to all that I just keep jumping in and have been unable to catch up properly for ages now.

I am determined that things will get back to normal at some point! I'm doing 19 hour days at the moment it's insane.

Anyway I finally have a little downtime this weekend with Mr Flirt. Really looking forward to that!

Apologies in advance that I heard the possibility of good weather this weekend too so I've bought a bbq and pimms and stuff... bound to bloody piss down now...

Bant I think that's a very kind and sensible plan. I can see the potential for trouble or a scam here, but I also think if the society there is like the UK thirty/forty odd years ago then there might be very little RL support for someone in a difficult/abusive relationship, so offering a listening ear and a different viewpoint might really help her.

Hope it all works out Juliette. I suppose it all depends on what he has to say and what steps he's taking to try and sort things out. Just take your time with it and don't feel pressured into deciding one way or the other just because he's there. You are very sensible, I know you will make the right decision depending on the circumstances.

Is he staying with you juliette ?

bant I would say I am sorry for your troubles please give me a shout when you are no longer married

OWW the weird thing is, I am having to talk to myself and learn that it will take as long as it takes. He knows he is not in a position to ask anything, is respectful of that and I will take my time. It's only been 2 months.

Kirsty yes.

Bant, I agree with Kirsty, could potentially open up a whole world of pain.

Juliette hope things with Dutchie go ok, and at a pace you are happy with.

Dolly, please don't think it's you, the chances of meeting 'the one' on OD are pretty low, and it just takes time

Have fun with Mr Flirt. Might I suggest a bit of downtime before you see him, so that you have some energy when you need it?

Bant, the others have said it, but you're a big boy, you'll make your own mind up. Keep your eyes open, mate.

Bant you're right, she does need a friend. But you are not a friend. If she genuinely has no one in real life she should get on the Relationship board. It's nice you want to help, but inappropriate IMO. If you're happy to be an email sounding board than do so, but I think it's a minefield.

Dolly in my experience fizzling out after 2nd date is pretty common. They're nice enough but no one is compelled enough to really make an effort.

Dolly - firstly, you don't get dumped - until there is any agreement of exclusivity between you, or a discussion about where things are going, you shouldn't think of yourself as 'in a relationship' - you're just two people who have decided to spend a few hours together and see if there is potential. Either of you can decide no, it's not 'dumping'.

It's impossible for us to know why they choose not to take it further of course - do they just stop contact or tell you they've met someone else or something?

Dolly - don't feel bad, just be glad you've had a lucky, early escape from those men! How many of them did you really want to meet again? I try to look at it as good practice until a good one comes along.

Bant - very sweet that you want to help her out but I think you've made the right call. She needs to seek help and friendship elsewhere and sort out her home life, easier said than done I know but most of us here have been there!

I am still crazily infatuated with my guy after only 3 dates, not good! We text each other every day and seem to be meeting about once a week so it's not like it's moving too fast or anything. He seems keen and he's lovely but I can't help fast forwarding and thinking I'm wasting my time here. He doesn't want DCs, I have a 7 & 5 yr old. But it's not like I'm looking for a replacement dad - aaargh!

Oh god, read my post back I sound mental. 3 dates and I'm worrying about our future

Can I just point out that calling me big boy is almost as bad as referring to a secret mound, Flipper :)