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Original poster

Is this an affair?

69 replies

naswm · 30/05/2006 22:42

discovered DH is in regular contact with with someone from inuivessity via the internet. They were emailign ayear but put a stop to it. But they just went on to the internet. Dont know fi they meet or talk but I am still piossed off big time. I dont kno wwheth erI am making a mountain out of a moleholl but I feel awful about ti all.

OP posts:
Finbar · 30/05/2006 22:44

Don't jump to any conclusions yet.
HOw did you find out?

motherinferior · 30/05/2006 22:45

Er, well, it kind of depends, doesn't it. I mean it could be an affair, depending on how you define affairs (do you mean cybersex, phone sex, or real sex)? Or it could be a pleasantly flirtatious conversation. Or it could just be a friendship, with or without an underpinning frisson. It certainly doesn't have to be an affair.

Original poster
naswm · 30/05/2006 22:45

idot told me

OP posts:
CristinaTheAstonishing · 30/05/2006 22:45

That is awful. Have you told him it's upsetting you? Is it afffecting your relationship or are you acting like you don't care in the hope it doesn't go further?

Lact8 · 30/05/2006 22:46

naswm, all i i know is I'd be gutted if i found out dp was doing this

What has he said about it?

CristinaTheAstonishing · 30/05/2006 22:46

Did he tell you in a moment of rage, to piss you off?

busybusybee · 30/05/2006 22:47

It depends what they talk about. how he feels about her etc.

Does he regularly demonstrate that he loves you?

My h has numerous internet "friends" Angry

joanna4 · 30/05/2006 22:48

How did he tell you did it come out in a row or was it more a by the way i was talking to so and so last week kind of way.

Finbar · 30/05/2006 22:48

Why did he tell you - a confession or to make himslef feel better. I'm trying to understand his motives.
I had a boyfriend once who told me tht he'd had sex with my best friend...10 months after it happened..he wanted a way out of hte relationship and thought this confession would do it (it did!!)

Original poster
naswm · 30/05/2006 22:48

no I found out by accident but he know sI know. I said 'ohj are you still spowekaing to here' and he said yes we pkay this game on the interset, Quite ooen. But they went out at uni fgs. how can it be platonic?

OP posts:
Finbar · 30/05/2006 22:51

I don't think it can be entirely platonic - but it maybe safe and unlikely to go any further. It may be a way of ocming to terms with passing youth too ( not as trite as it seems)

motherinferior · 30/05/2006 22:51

I keep in touch with university boyfriends with absolutely no intention of shagging them again. DP does the same with exes.

Thomcat · 30/05/2006 22:52

Hmmmmmmm, well from what I know, no, I wouldn't call it an affair.

Would I be happy about it, no. Would I be happy that he was being honest about it yes.

What is your relationship with hi like? Can you tell him how uncomfortable it makes you feel and ask how he wold feel if the boot were on the other foot? How would he feel, do you know?

Lact8 · 30/05/2006 22:52

oh naswm, i was just thinking about you the other day and hoping everything was going ok for you re the counselling

so sorry to hear you've got this to deal with aswell Sad

how are things between you both in general if you don't mind me asking?

Thomcat · 30/05/2006 22:52

Can you trust him? Aside from emiling an old mate do you have any reason to distrust him?

Original poster
naswm · 30/05/2006 22:54

I thought I was donign so well andf this ahs hit me litght a bus. I am so pi&&&ed off

OP posts:
Original poster
naswm · 30/05/2006 22:54

I'm suppsoed to be irongong

OP posts:
joanna4 · 30/05/2006 22:56

I keep in touch with one of my ex bf he is a better mate then he ever was a boyfriend for what its worth. My hubby is fine about it too and he also keeps in touch with girls from his past its no biggy to us.

Original poster
naswm · 30/05/2006 22:57

our realtionshop is weird. HJe woprks long hours so we hardluy see each other duing the week. At the weekedn I do a lot of 'escapong' to get away from everyrthngk. We are either at each other;s throast or all over each otehr in bed. Deosnt seem to be any happy mediom IYKWMI.

OP posts:
Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 30/05/2006 22:57

I keep in contact with ex univerisity boyfriends as well with no interest in going anywhere near them. I had an interested nose at their wedding photos etc, bire them with the kids photos. Our conversations are very boring as well. Have you seen what sort of stuff they say to each other?

Lact8 · 30/05/2006 22:58

I've got huge pile of ironing too but it can stay there for tonight!

I would've been more suspicious if he'd tried to deny he was still in touch with her.

How long ago was he at uni?

Original poster
naswm · 30/05/2006 22:59

20 yeas

OP posts:
joanna4 · 30/05/2006 23:02

Another one here guilty of the non event ironing marked for tonight here.

Original poster
naswm · 30/05/2006 23:03

I;ve not done any of his irongin

OP posts:
Thomcat · 30/05/2006 23:04

None of you should be doing there ironng anyway really. But that's another thread.