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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this an affair?

69 replies

naswm · 30/05/2006 22:42

discovered DH is in regular contact with with someone from inuivessity via the internet. They were emailign ayear but put a stop to it. But they just went on to the internet. Dont know fi they meet or talk but I am still piossed off big time. I dont kno wwheth erI am making a mountain out of a moleholl but I feel awful about ti all.

OP posts:
Feistybird · 30/05/2006 23:04

God, me too (re; ironing).

joanna4 · 30/05/2006 23:04

well i havent done any of anyones ,tomorrow it will all be on a need to wear basis.

Thomcat · 30/05/2006 23:04

their ironing, sorry

Lact8 · 30/05/2006 23:05

Thats quite a while ago, do you know what they talk about? Have they stayed in contact all that time? What does he say about it?

joanna4 · 30/05/2006 23:05

Anyway are you more narked cos you found out or that he didnt tell you.

Original poster
naswm · 30/05/2006 23:05

ghis is not an irongin thtread fgs

OP posts:
joanna4 · 30/05/2006 23:06

Look down we just put it back on topic.

Original poster
naswm · 30/05/2006 23:07

I ont know what to thik or whatt to do aboutit. toight I am jst pisswed and pissed offf. And go tot clear aay this bloosdy irongin befor eth kids get up tomororw

OP posts:
Lact8 · 30/05/2006 23:11

naswm, tell me to p* off if you like but I think you should forget about the ironing tonight, don't drink anymore because you'll only pay for it in the morning. Get yourself wrapped up in a blanket and watch some tv ot something til you fall asleep.

Then you can look at the situation again in the morning.

Wish there was something I could do for you [frustrated emoticon]

joanna4 · 30/05/2006 23:13

you say they were in contact a year ago but put a stop to it is there any reason for this.

Original poster
naswm · 30/05/2006 23:17

lact8 you are rigfth,. I am not cros with you. I just ened to clear it all awwy. Wont drink any more. Feel vey light headed already. But want ot obliterate itall. Wish I;d finised ironging thouigh. Need something to feel good about. joanne I fiound out because they were using out family email and I thouht ti had all stoped. now they ply tantrix on the net

OP posts:
joanna4 · 30/05/2006 23:20

Has he said anymore to you about why or if ther is more behind it or has it all gone a bit tits up for tonight.

Lact8 · 30/05/2006 23:22

naswm, you have taken steps to deal with the problems you've been having. Thats a really difficult process to start and you should feel proud of yourself. When you come out of the other side of this ((and you will!!) you'll realise what a strong person you are.

joanna4 · 30/05/2006 23:22

Now tell me if I am on wrong tangent here but if there was more to it would they have risked it by using an email address accessible to all the family.Anyone with an ounce of undercoverness would have created another way which not anyone else could read.

Original poster
naswm · 30/05/2006 23:23

ha I am not strong I am naswm In fact right now I am anything but strong I am :( :( L:( and almost crying which is unhead off

OP posts:
Lact8 · 30/05/2006 23:27

oh naswm, you are wrong about being strong, not asking for help is the easy option. Saying you need it and taking it are the hard parts and you've already done that.

I've posted to ou befoer about crying, maybe you should give it a try? It does stop eventually you know!

I've got a shoulder here if you need it

Original poster
naswm · 30/05/2006 23:28

How the helldo I mkake mysf feel better abotu this? I am sooooooooooooo :(

OP posts:
Original poster
naswm · 30/05/2006 23:30

lac8 that is so nice. I ahve done qa lot of crying lately actuallyu Brought on by counselling. Althogh not at sessons. I just go numb there. But it had all stared to come out afterwards. And I have been terarful on othe r occasions since. At he mometn I dont knwo what I am doing. Keep tleling myself it is allnothing.

OP posts:
Lact8 · 30/05/2006 23:30

Honestly, I don't know naswm Sad Have you talked it through with DH?

Original poster
naswm · 30/05/2006 23:31

no we dotn talk. He is usually at woprk but he came home earlu tonigvht then I found him on the pc talking to her. Npw jhe is in bned and I shpold be donig he sodding ironign

OP posts:
Lact8 · 30/05/2006 23:36

Does he know your going for counselling?

Risk of repeating myself here, sod the ironing! Just do the minimum you can get away with and put the rest out of sight.

So they were playing on the same game on the internet then? Not sure how those work? Do they have facility to chat too?

Original poster
naswm · 30/05/2006 23:41

lacc8 yes he does know. I ahve givein up irong. Ys they pklay games and chat at the smae itme. both read maths at uni. I am dumce and dont unedreand it. Cant even do so dudocku

OP posts:
Original poster
naswm · 30/05/2006 23:43

right I nedt to to fgo bed. Sudenly feel very drunk and cant belvie dthe mess I need to clea away bfeor I go to bed. Thnks for listing foldk. But please ihnore more. It is nothing.v I will managed. I usually d. I'll find my mask tomorrow and carry on asif notign ha shappendn. naswm

OP posts:
Lact8 · 30/05/2006 23:51

Not being able to do sudoki(sp) doesn't make you a dunce, just means you've got more interesting things to do ith your time like MN!

Seriously though, it seems to me its a case of him doing something he enjoys with someone likeminded. But i imagine your confidence is pretty low at the moment and i know that can affect how we perceive things. Its hard for me to say yes or no as to whether something is going on between them. I can only speak from experience when i say the more i hold things in the bigger they become in my mind. its taken me years to learn to talk openly about my feelings so i appreciate its hard, but have you tried to explain to dh how you feel about him being in contact with her? Is he supporting your decision to go to counselling?

Lact8 · 30/05/2006 23:53

naswm, sorry i took so long to reply, dd woke for a feed and I'm a crap typer.

I'll try to get on here in the morning if you want to chat

Take care

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