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Original poster

Dating thread 56 all welcome

999 replies

Kirstywirsty · 15/06/2013 21:12

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;

  1. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  2. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  3. Trust your gut instinct;
  4. If it is not fun, stop
OP posts:
JessicaBeatriceFletcher · 20/06/2013 10:27

I have made one friend via OD because of a mutual interest and it's been great. But as a rule of thumb, I am there to date and find someone to have a relationship with that includes sex. I have plenty of friends and don't really want to find any more!

JulietteMontague · 20/06/2013 10:33

I'm going to a MeetUp this evening. It's a wildlife kind of thing, will be good to go out.

Bant · 20/06/2013 10:35

I'm still going to be friends with Buffy, I think - although that may have benefits if we both happen to be in the same part of the world at the same time.

The Nurse though, we're actually mates who chat on messenger occasionally. We made each other laugh, the chemistry didn't really exist without lots of alcohol, but still we got on with each other.

But I don't think I'll ask PinkHat to be friends, she's made it clear she wants more (at least a second date) and if things between two people aren't either mutually yes or mutually no, someone's going to lose out.

T2710 · 20/06/2013 10:38

Have a good time Juliette!
I have third date with mac tonight. I'm actually quite nervous about it (and not in a good way). Oh dear.

mercury7 · 20/06/2013 10:56

I have not remained friends with anyone one that I had a 'thing' with from online dating.
Infact most of them I shudder to think of and hope never to see againBlush

There is still one ongoing 'thing' and I am very keen on the bloke in question, but I do wonder if that will turn around at some point and I'll end up feeling badly towards him Confused Hmm

OhWesternWind · 20/06/2013 10:58

Don't you want to go, T? I've ignored that feeling before at my peril - not that anything awful has happened, but it does mean that things aren't right.

Sounds good Juliette. I have all sorts of plans about nice things to do when the children are older.

T2710 · 20/06/2013 11:38

I don't know. He seems very keen one min, then the next I'm not sure. This is the slightly awkward guy. I guess I'm just not used to being the more outgoing one at the table. Also, hes suggested that we Anyway I'm figuring after tonight ill know my feelings for sure.

I know he's jokingly mentioned us not dating other people and I have two other dates arranged for this weekend. Could be awkward :-s I just hope he doesn't mention it. It's just FAR to early to be putting all my eggs in one basket.

Scrazy · 20/06/2013 11:45

Mercury, my feeling for my on going thing have never waned. I still Grin like a loon, when he rings. I just carn't help it and still feel excited and sometimes cannot believe how much I feel, and this is some time down the line. How is it going with him? Any signs there could be more?

I have kept in touch with a couple from OD. The only one who did a disappearing act after DTD! The only one I DTD with, come to think of it. He keeps in touch, strangely. One who I had one date with and is asking for another 3 months on.

Bant · 20/06/2013 11:46

oh dear - someone you're not really into asking for exclusivity, even jokingly. Awkward...

Is there anything the two of you have talked about which he got excited about? Work? Football? The coming zombie apocalypse? If there is a topic of conversation you can steer him onto where he gets animated and is a bit less awkward, that may help you see him in a different light and see how you feel about him then. If you can't get him to come out of his shell, then it's time for the 'it's not you, it's me' conversation.

mercury7 · 20/06/2013 12:20

sometimes cannot believe how much I feel, and this is some time down the line
this is pretty much how it is for me Scrazy!
I dont know what will happen, he works oversea's alot, he thinks he may be in the uk more at the end of the summer.

I guess anyone who travels such alot for work is bound to have problems in the relationship & dating dept

I sometimes wonder if his allure is rooted in his unavailability, I may have gorn off him yonks ago if he lived down the road :o
I used to find it painful and wish he would just end it (because I couldnt bring myself to) but I feel quite calm about it lately.

Are you happy with the set up that you have?

Scrazy · 20/06/2013 12:26

Mercury, yes atm. I've gone through all the angst and finished it, several times but we gravitate back to each other. This time I doubt I will finish it. If it's not meant to be then it will be his decision. I'm all calm now and just think, what will be will be.

Scrazy · 20/06/2013 12:37

Also I think the attraction for me at the beginning, (although I'm not really sure when it began, as it was vair casual for a long while) was his emotional unavailability Grin. I knew it would take that type to reel me in, maybe because I have for many years been the same.

T2710 · 20/06/2013 14:39

Bant he's fine one we get started and talks away. It's just the initial two mins. I just can't read the guy. It's so difficult. Plus I do feel a little guilty about having two dates arranged for the weekend. If he mentions other dates what do I do? Tell him or lie?

Bant · 20/06/2013 15:04

T - no reason to feel guilty about the other dates. You haven't DTD with this guy yet (I assume) and haven't agreed exclusivity.

If you don't feel comfortable with him because you can't read him, it's okay to call it off.

If he starts asking if you're dating anyone else, that's kind of a crunch point. You can lie and say you're seeing friends, or just say you're not seeing anyone, you can shift the topic a bit and say how you want to take things slowly with him, but generally I'd think if he's going to push the issue then you have to either agree exclusivity, drop him, or say you're not ready to become exclusive yet, you don't know him very well and you'd like to keep seeing him (if you do) but can you save that conversation for later.

BillMasen · 20/06/2013 15:34

Silence from moon girl re tonight's catch up so sod it, I've arranged to go out with a mate instead. To be honest I arranged it ages ago as I knew she'd either cancel or just go silent. Why am I still giving her any headspace??

Seeing the Italian on Sunday for lunch. scrazy (I think it was) made me think a bit and if I'm still considering other options then I can't get too arsey if she does too. There will come a point where that stops though, but for now we'll keep in touch.

Scrazy · 20/06/2013 15:37

Bill, did Italian say much in response to your text about her date. Has she been on the date yet?

Original poster
Kirstywirsty · 20/06/2013 15:52

I still chat with Kiltykilty .. However he has gone a bit quiet since the chat when he said we didn't just have sex and I said 'yes I fed you and you drank my wine rack' at the same time as he replied and said that we had some food and drinks as well haha .. Guess that's a different perspective

Hope the meet up goes well tonight Juliette .. I was supposed to be having a phone chat with MrMarathon but he has gone quiet so I reckon I'll just have a hot date with a man who wears his pants over his tights .. I am totally scunnered with OD now

OP posts:
OhWesternWind · 20/06/2013 16:00

Good for you Bill - she's just been messing you around for ages and you are worth far more than that. Hope it goes well on Sunday with the Italian . . .

Kirsty that made me laugh about Kilty! Sorry you are feeling a bit jaded with it all, it does get like that sometimes.

You're right T, you'll know tonight I'm sure if you want to carry on. I am a total coward about finishing it with people but sometimes it just has to be done. You don't sound very enthusiastic about him at all, to be honest! I think if I were you I'd plan what I was going to say in case he asks you outright to be his gf/if you're seeing anyone else.

smoothieooo · 20/06/2013 16:04

In other, non-dating news, I just got the weekly Mumsnet parenting news email and made quote of the week! It made me quite ridiculously excited [saddo] Grin

Bant · 20/06/2013 16:34

I'm annoyed. I made a witty pun on another board thread, and not only did no one pander to my fragile ego by telling me how funny it was, but MNHQ deleted the whole thread..

Scrazy · 20/06/2013 16:37

Which thread was it Bant?

Bant · 20/06/2013 16:44

'online dating from a blokes point of view' - started by some bloke who was trying to be offensive by saying that he couldn't see why he couldn't get a date with some of the trout-faced fat birds out there, who would just be used as a casual shag by men who were out of their league.

It was a heartwarming, life affirming read. But got taken down because it was obviously just set up by the bloke when drunk and in a bad mood in order to take out his many frustrations on wimmin.

BillMasen · 20/06/2013 16:48

scrazy she sort of said about not being ready for not having other options, and taking things very slowly. I kind of get that, and I think it's all just a bit of being very nervous about any form of "next step". I'm not one to pressure people before they're ready and so, whilst this isn't the way I'd do things at this stage, I'll give it a go.

ALittleStranger · 20/06/2013 17:50

Bill just look after yourself as that also sounds like the sort of thing we've probably all said while keeping our options open.

Bant · 20/06/2013 17:57

Although its nice timing, if nothing else, that T is looking for that exact phrase at the moment..

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