Simple things that keep a relationship strong?

[fuzzpig]

Random hopefully uplifting thread... been thinking about this lately.

DH and I have been together over 10 years now and are generally rock solid, totally in love blah blah blah :o but lately as our circumstances (injury, disability, work, money etc... not to mention two small DCs!) has got even worse, we have been a bit more strained than we have ever been.

So for the first time we are really needing to work hard at our relationship as opposed to happily plodding along, and it got me pondering about small things we can do (ie because we have very little time, energy or money!) to bond a bit more.

The other day, DH met me from work, and as we had half an hour before he needed to catch the bus for the school run, we walked through the mall and had milkshakes (as an aside. Wispa and raspberry. Wow.) and just chatted... we get hardly any child free time and it was so much nicer than just going straight home.

Making an effort to actually watch new films in the evenings (I get free rentals with my job) rather than just collapsing in front of any old thing, as it is something fun to discuss.

Reading to each other - this is something we used to do pre DCs and I'd really like to get back to it - got through the Hobbit, most of the Harry Potters, His Dark Materials and various other series. We alternate chapters.

What are your tips/ideas please? :)

Keztrel I use a separate Amazon wishlist for present ideas :o

A lovely thread. I've recently met someone new so we are still in the honeymoon period. He's romantic and thoughtful. I send him love letters and poems that I've written. He sends me the most wonderful texts. He surprised me on Sunday with a single red Rose. It's about appreciation and communication i think. We can talk about anything. He can't do enough for me and tells me he loves me all the time. I'm so happy and lucky. I think this is for keeps.

What a lovely idea for a thread! I'll be following closely, because me and DH have been quite strained lately, due to my problems with anxiety and depression.

Reading to each other sounds wonderful, fuzzpig, and I've read little short Edward Gorey books to DH a few times! I would say:

1. Plenty of physical contact. Sitting close to each other on the couch, not miles apart, engrossed in smartphones, holding hands, hugs for no reason other than you want to.
2. Looking back through photos of holidays and fun times.
3. Doing an activity that requires you to be tuned into each other, not the TV or an ipad/phone, even just a game of Scrabble.
4. Little surprises. Nothing expensive, really. A £1 card from M+S with a heartfelt message in it is great, or a homemade cake.
5. I think daily deal websites like Itison and Groupon can be really good for finding super cheap lunch/dinner deals which allow you a bit of nice time together, without too much expense.
6. And honest compliments which you might have made at the beginning of your relationship but wouldn't think to make now, such as "you're such a kind person," "I love just sitting quietly with you," "you have lovely eyes."

Ahh love this thread!

DH and I play loads of card games and board games, we also don't have a TV license so we only watch something when we really want to. It means that our default is doing something together (like a game) and watching something on TV is a treat rather than just zoning out. We also really like making/refurbishing stuff for the house.

Agree with everyone who's mentioned being polite and kind - can't understand people who think you don't need that with those closest to you!

Also agree about not dissing your partner in front of others or discussing your problems with everyone. When we first got married we agreed on a few people who we would be happy for the other one to discuss issues/grievances with if we couldn't work something out between us. That way we know we're both talking to people the other person trusts.

Forgot one - picking out fiction for DH - might be specific to me though as I work in a library :o he went through a really long phase of only rereading stuff but I have started looking for stuff that is his 'type' and borrowing them for him (incidentally, he recommends the Ben Aaronovitch Rivers of London series!).

We always complement each other and that's one thing that's really never changed in our 10 years. DH has a daft habit that always makes me laugh even though it is soooo predictable - he will randomly go "OMG!!! I can't believe it, I forgot..." and I'll say "forgot what?" and he'll say "to tell you how much I love you" :) soppy thing he is. Even though I no longer fall for it only took 5 years or so I still play along as it makes me happy :)

During our first Xmas together we got each other advent calendars (actually he got me 2 as he felt sad when I'd told him I was never allowed one as a child!) but I made his. I got a load of blank business-type cards with a nice background (from my Dad's office he wasn't using them though...) and on each one I wrote the number on the back and on the nice side wrote a meaningful song lyric. He still has them all :)

Schedule sex. What I mean by that is not literally synchronize watches but we found with young kids we were so knackered at night that we now almost always have sex in the daytime. At the weekend after breakfast we stick a movie on and sneak back upstairs for a "nap". It's important to stay sexually connected so make it work.

We tell each other we love each other every day. Just celebrated 17th wedding anniversary last week.

Always be kind and respectful. And have a larff.

Thought of another one

Being honest about your own bad feelings instead of bottling them up. I have had some crap news and am feeling particularly anxious/grumpy right now so instead of arsing about on laptop all evening and barely speaking to him I am going to ask to stick on a movie and snuggle up together.

At least I will, if the DCs ever go to bloody sleep

This is great. I am going to read this with DH tomorrow!

This is a lovely thread!

Best thread I have read.
Excellent tips for happy life in this stressful times.
For me, it is open communication channel, make each other laugh and body contacts even your head is not feeling like it.

we read to each other in bed in the evenings and have done since we moved in together over 10 years ago. That and making sure we unwind for about 30 mins every evening before going to bed, just have a cup of tea and a biscuit and chat snuggled up on the sofa.

We meet for lunch occasionally on a weekday and have a giggle over silly stuff. I agree with lots of touching/ holding hands.

I make his favourite food occasionally; he puts music on my phone that he thinks I'll like. Like the leaving notes thing.

I just got sent an amazon voucher to download a specific book onto my kindle. Just unconditional loveliness.

Lovely thread, will ready properly tonight. But I would say, a good snog! A proper teenage style one! Especially when other person is a bit down & maybe not expecting it

I wish I had found this thread earlier - some lovely ideas - exactly what I need!

Realised I didn't add anything!

Silly little things that are just 'you'. Dh always sends me a text from work asking how my day is. Nothing much more although the wording/soppiness varies. I didn't think much of it as it's such a silly little thing but when he changed jobs and was obviously busier he stopped. Then I realised how much I missed it and asked him to find time again. Now I will text him if it gets to 2pm and he hasn't had time yet. I guess it just tells each other that you're thinking of them and missing them without actually saying it

Indeed hhhmmmmm DH gets no signal at one of the stores he works in, it is pants when he can't text.

We had another milkshake date today :o

This is a lovely read

Date night once a week where we get a bottle of wine and a nice meal in front of a good film Developing a secret little language and pet names for each other Teasing each other about little idiosyncrasies you notice about your loved one Getting off the sofa and climbing on top of them and snuggling up unexpectedly Be Kind Always

How are all the relationships going?

Hubby and I always give the benefit of the doubt. We assume the other is still the amazing person we fell in love with so if either one of us is having an off day, we don't take it personally or hold onto the negatives. Life's too short. Be kind to each other.

Sometimes when DP knows he'll be out when I get home, he puts on the pretty fairy lights so that I don't get back to a dark unwelcoming house but to a cosy-looking friendly house. (he thinks I am a bit odd for caring about this, but he does it anyway)

Sometimes if I am working from home and he is going out to work, I'll make his packed lunch - he normally does it himself and puts in pretty much the same thing every day, so I'll try to do something a bit different (even though we only have the same usual stuff in the house,so it mght be just a bit of interesting chutney in the cheese sandwich).

Lovely thread. It's reminded me of things that DP and I do, but that I sometimes take for granted - hold hands when walking, he rubs my hair when we're watching tv sometimes, he brings me a cup of tea every morning (even on weekends when he doesn't have to get up earlier), sending little texts with just "hello sexy", or "hug for you" in them, we walk and cycle alot at weekends together, cuddle, have sex very regularly.

Being kind and speaking nicely to eachother, and saying thank you, and sorry when you're wrong, go a long way....

Agree with all the above.
Kindness is the key I think, always.
But just to add one more thing, make sure you have eye contact when you talk to each other. Really look into their eyes. Makes them notice you and notice that you are noticing them.

Great thread

Kindness is so important
Not moaning
Cooking their favourite stuff
Doing something unexpected
Keeping your physical life alive however difficult at times
Not taking them for granted
Showing gratitude
Imagining life without them - sharpens the focus on appreciating them
Remembering there are no perfect relationships
Trying to look at your own faults rather than theirs