Simple things that keep a relationship strong?

[fuzzpig]

Random hopefully uplifting thread... been thinking about this lately.

DH and I have been together over 10 years now and are generally rock solid, totally in love blah blah blah :o but lately as our circumstances (injury, disability, work, money etc... not to mention two small DCs!) has got even worse, we have been a bit more strained than we have ever been.

So for the first time we are really needing to work hard at our relationship as opposed to happily plodding along, and it got me pondering about small things we can do (ie because we have very little time, energy or money!) to bond a bit more.

The other day, DH met me from work, and as we had half an hour before he needed to catch the bus for the school run, we walked through the mall and had milkshakes (as an aside. Wispa and raspberry. Wow.) and just chatted... we get hardly any child free time and it was so much nicer than just going straight home.

Making an effort to actually watch new films in the evenings (I get free rentals with my job) rather than just collapsing in front of any old thing, as it is something fun to discuss.

Reading to each other - this is something we used to do pre DCs and I'd really like to get back to it - got through the Hobbit, most of the Harry Potters, His Dark Materials and various other series. We alternate chapters.

What are your tips/ideas please? :)

This is a great thread. Thanks. DH takes his lunch to work (usually just sandwiches) and so on Tuesdays he get's a 'Tuesday treat' which can be a biscuit he particularly likes, packet of crisps, if I'm feeling like superwoman i'll bake something I forget why we picked Tuesday as treat day.....

We also have 'going out in' evenings where we get dressed up and ready as if we were going out, but then cook something in. Would also work with a take away or even pizza- set the table nicely, get a candle or two, get ready to go out, but then stay in!

Presumably it was the alliteration that made it Tuesday, Mrs :o

Failing we have similar issues in our lives, I am disabled since last year, before that DH had a severe injury, and it makes so much of life a real struggle doesn't it.

Love this thread. :)

We find it hard to have time together away from the DC as babysitters are expensive, and we have no family support nearby, but now they are both at school, we do occasional lunch dates - DH works very near city centre, so there are loads of nice eateries with lunch deals - I pick him up and we go for a date together, hold hands, catch up... it really helps.

Not romantic, but something that definitely helps keep the relationship strong is apologising when one of us is in the wrong. We both make mistakes from time to time but we recognise it and always apologise before the end of the day.

We also love watching cheesy comedy stuff on iPlayer with a takeaway together :)

I am also suffering from a fatigue/pain illness for the last 2 years and it makes marriage (and life) so much harder. I identify with all that you say failing.

Lovely thread. This may sound old fashioned to some but we always make an effort to scrub up for each other. I don't mean being caked in make-up, but I shower/bathe every day, put on 'day' make-up etc, and he does the male equiv, clean clothes, on top of hair and teeth etc etc. I have friends who now married have let some of this slip, and I think it is a shame.

When DH goes away for work, I like him to leave me a t-shirt he has worn and sometimes I sleep in it, or cuddle it - I love the way he smells!

As well as the points raised above about courtesy and appreciation, teamwork keeps us close. Tasks that we do together, such as putting together flatpack furniture or clearing out the garage.

Lovely thread :) I've been stealing people's ideas, like reading to each other (DH has a lovely deep voice, I don't know why I haven't thought of this before - I love talking to him on the phone cos it means I notice his voice more, but reading could be ideal for voice-appreciation purposes!)

Agree totally re. being kind and polite. We always thank each other, even for little things like emptying the dishwasher. And not being militant about whose turn it is to do something helps (as long as one of you isn't taking the piss and being lazy) - we go with the flow and offer to take each other's turn if the other one seems tired or has been working hard.

Also I love creating little traditions with DH - I am very skilled at turning things into 'traditions' even if we've only done them once, e.g. watching a film now means we have to make posh hot chocolate with marshmallows because we did it for the last film we watched

Being at least as nice and polite as you would to a random.

Only turning the TV on to watch something specific. Putting some tunes on as the default slouch option instead.

Teamwork

treat each other as moral and intellectual equals (even if earning power is not)

if it needs doing, do it, do not moan at the other person to do it (unless its pegging out washing where DH gets more in the peg than hanging down ....)

Thread has made me feel a bit sad as I remember when DH and I used to kiss and cuddle all the time - now only peck on lips goodnight or during sex. If I tried to hug and kiss him randomly now he would probably think I was mad.

This is a lovely thread. It's so refreshing to read about people's kindness and thoughtfulness towards each other. And it does make me realise I need to pull my socks up abit sometimes!

We're just over one year in, so have lots to learn, but, I think just doing small things for each other often is good. and doing selfless acts, like the week before last DH had had a rubbish day at work, so I made his favourite meal for dinner. It was something so small and it made him very happy.

One of my favourite things is in the morning and the alarm goes off, he puts it on snooze and takes me in his arms.

Enjoying a wank together. Damn this predictive text! A walk together.

Arf Wideboy. Totally agree re. wank tbh, especially useful when you're both too knackered for sex

Feel bad about completely lowering the tone of this lovely thread now But there's a serious point in there somewhere - it maintains the closeness!

And so you should feel bad, Keztrel. Honestly. (Ahem...)

Absy I love the snooze button thing, DP does this too!

We also made a little rule a few years a and stick to it religiously. We go out for a walk after dinnner every evening, rain or shine, often for just 20 minutes or so...

Just a good way to talk thru our day, any worries, stuff about the kids without the phone, mobiles, tv, ipads, laptops etc distracting us.....

We also cook together fequently......

Great thread by the way OP!

This is a great thread. I have noticed that our relationship does better when the television isn't on all the time. If DH is being a TV zombie I start a fire in the fire pit if it isn't raining or I go sit on the covered porch and read a book. Within 10mins DH joins me with a drink and some music.

Wideboy :o I am concerned that your predictive text considers wank a more likely option than walk :o

Excellent point about teamwork and building stuff etc. My colleagues thought I was insane when I said we were leaving the DCs' first Playmobil set (castle) unbuilt til they were asleep on xmas eve - but it was a fab evening! Building toys together with loads of some Baileys, what's not to like? :)

Kiss/Cuddle/hug often - even if it's just a hug from behind while one of us is doing the dishes.
Saying thank you/ praising things that go well, again even small things like if one of us makes a good cup of coffee or a nice meal.

Laughing together - we have a very similar sense of humour and still (14 years in) frequently end up speechless with laughter.

Going for a walk or run together somewhere pretty (we are lucky to live somewhere with fairly nice 'country'esque walks even though it is actually a town)

Listening to audio books together - we have shared some books we like with each other this way and we have lots of in jokes about the narrators/story lines etc.

Trying to respect each other - we are very different (e.g. DH is a hoarder and I am a ruthless declutterer) but we both try our best to understand where the other is coming from.

good idea for a thread.

I think genrally making the effort to simply be nice to one another goes along way

We always do the dishes together every night, DH washes and I dry. You get time for a little chat whilst you're doing them and its another job ticked off the list and no one feels resentful that they are always the one who has to do them :-)

I think making an effort to remember little details about each other, like making notes on present ideas when your DP has said he/she likes something, or remembering what they had on at work that day, makes a big difference. Personally I do need to make an effort with this because I have a rubbish memory and am a bit selfish tend to get wrapped up in my own life - it may come more naturally to others!