Simple things that keep a relationship strong?

[fuzzpig]

Random hopefully uplifting thread... been thinking about this lately.

DH and I have been together over 10 years now and are generally rock solid, totally in love blah blah blah :o but lately as our circumstances (injury, disability, work, money etc... not to mention two small DCs!) has got even worse, we have been a bit more strained than we have ever been.

So for the first time we are really needing to work hard at our relationship as opposed to happily plodding along, and it got me pondering about small things we can do (ie because we have very little time, energy or money!) to bond a bit more.

The other day, DH met me from work, and as we had half an hour before he needed to catch the bus for the school run, we walked through the mall and had milkshakes (as an aside. Wispa and raspberry. Wow.) and just chatted... we get hardly any child free time and it was so much nicer than just going straight home.

Making an effort to actually watch new films in the evenings (I get free rentals with my job) rather than just collapsing in front of any old thing, as it is something fun to discuss.

Reading to each other - this is something we used to do pre DCs and I'd really like to get back to it - got through the Hobbit, most of the Harry Potters, His Dark Materials and various other series. We alternate chapters.

What are your tips/ideas please? :)

My ex and I used to have pizza and wine in the bath :)
Mind you, he is my ex, so maybe that didn't work out so well...

Being generally kind to each other, it makes me sad when I read how harsh some people are to each other on here.
We always go to bed at the same time even though we are temporarily in separate rooms/no sex just now.
We have such a good laugh together as well and can chat till the cows come home. No airs and graces we are what we are , far from perfect but lots of love in our little house and we both can't wait for sex to resume! !!!

Every Friday a special effort to cook something nice for the two of us (kids fed earlier and ignore us, knowing it's our time). Wine and real "end of week" chat. Weekends he brings breakfast in bed for me both days. Generally we are very polite and gentle with each other. We go to bed at the same time. Often read to each other before falling asleep (we both love books).

My dh and I often have baths together. We book weekends away based on the bathroom before the bedroom.

We recently went to a hotel where the bath was at the bottom of the bed. I now want this at home.

Ilovegeorgeclooney you've given me a lump in my throat, I think it is just the nice little day to day things that count the most.

Lovely thread.

I think dh and I have a pretty strong marriage and do some of the things mentioned but I do find I have to instigate them. Can I ask you who suggests all these things or do they just happen?

I would love for example to sit outside and look at the stars but I think dh might be bored after a short while. I knows he loves me and he does show it in his ways but I don't think he's naturally romantic.

So what do you do if you have a difference of opinion? I get very enthused/passionate about things, outings, places to go etc, he's much more laid back, take it or leave it type of thing which I read as him not really enjoying those sorts of things as much. He works a long, hard week and is happy to relax at home at the weekends while I want to go out and do 'stuff'.

Woohoo we are on Discussions of the Day -->

:o

Lovely thread.
Dp gets up with the kids on the weekend and brings me coffee in bed a bit later. Glass of time and beer together when bathing kids on Friday evening.
Visitors know they are eexpected to look after kids so we can go for a run together.
Phone up for little chats during the day.

Oh and we take days off work while kids are at school so we can have a day together.

I agree with the above, especially:

• pleases and thank yous
• doing things all the time for each other
• special treats, be it afternoon sex or ordering a book from Amazon for the other (surprise parcel = instant good mood in this house!)
• lots and lots of sex, or at least cuddling if sex is off the cards
• being extra-lovely when the other is ill
• taking lots of time to admire our daughter together.

Ilovegeorgeclooney What beautiful memories you must have.

I am reading this thread and feeling inspired and also quite ashamed of how my DH and I are with each other. Feel permanently irritated right now, but have just found out that I have got very low iron and that could be what is making me so tired etc. Am really going to try and take some of these ideas on board and be a nicer wife, the only problem is that it feels like something else I have got to work at in and in my current time of the month mood, makes me feel more overwhelmed. But I will try.

women - leave the toilet seat up.

men - leave it down

octopus
get hold of a bottle of pregaday iron supplement pills : they are wonderful : I carried on taking them until my iron deficiency cleared up

I also remember when we bought our second house, literally in the middle of nowhere, we had no phone for 3 weeks and I walked a mile to ring him to tell him DD1 (6 weeks) had smiled. He was a busy GP and I had to leave a message with a grumpy receptionist but he called in between visits in the hope she would repeat it.
Sometimes I think a forum like this overlooks the fact most people are lovely and sincere.

make time for each other - we let DD go to a club that we pay for on a saturday that gives us two whole precious hours together. The club is a bit of a drive away and there is only a small town near so we either go for a coffee or beer, look around the market or charity shops - its such precious time. We have even been known to drive somewhere really secluded We have been together 21 years.

Oh and lots of sex!

tourdefrance - yes yes yes to the crafty days off!!

Most important of all - don't post trivial gripes on the relationship board, you'll be half convinced you should leave the bastard for not taking the bins out!

George, that's so lovely! :)

Haha yes LEM! In fact in response to a post upthread about singing each others' praises to other people and how nice it is to know how highly your OH thinks of you... I once said on a thread that DH did that. I got told it was creepy/lame!

Mind you, DH does always take the bins out...

Thanks Talkinpeace, have got some supplements from the docs and have started eating meat, early days yet only got blood results on Thusday, hopefully should clear up.

dancing together! silly dances alone at home or in the car etc

physical contact. in past relationships its never been important or enjoyable but now i can see why its so important! not just making love but holding hands, stroking an arm or face etc.

communication- even when tired/stressed. or even when the other doesn't really understand.

little things like asking how your day was.

Another one inspired by many threads on here - I don't involve other people in our relationship. Not his mum, not his colleagues, not his ex... nobody. I really don't understand why people do otherwise. It's one of the few times I agree with "don't air your dirty washing in public".

"Little things like asking how your day was" and listening to the answer!

Physical contact.
Humour.
A shared interest.
Mutual respect.
Communication.
Compromise.

To outsiders it may seem we are at each others throats somewhat, sweary, loud and derogatory. However those things are said only in jest and there are lines we do not cross and subjects that are off limits. If a serious situation comes up it is calmly discussed, not shouted about. Once an agreement has been reached we present a united front.

Don't sweat the small stuff - after 25 years of marriage my DH still leaves empty bottles on the kitchen worktop instead of the recycling bin, yes it irritates me, but in the scheme of things it really doesn't matter. Likewise he always rearranges the dishwasher as he feels he 'does it better than I do'. Yes, both habits are annoying to the other person but the reality is that we are in the fortunate position of being able to drink wine & beer regularly at home and to have a dishwasher, so does it matter?

DH works from home a lot & we often take the time to go out for a midweek lunch or walk, so relaxing without DS.

(But we rarely go to bed at the same time or even share a bed these days - neither of us has worked out how to sleep in the same bed even after all these years ).