I just texted round three of DHs friends asking if they know if there is anything secretive/inappropriate happening between him and his friend. Have I been totally unreasonable?

[BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte]

This woman is an ex-patient of DH's and their 'friendship' (which involves several phone calls a day and several meet ups per week) predates our relationship by many years. This past week, DH has been several hours late in returning from hers. I've just texted each of the three mutual friends who were apparently also there asking if they know of anything going on. Have I been a total shit to do that to him? Are they all going to hate me for evermore?

Hi breast it sounds like a desperate step. What kind of ex-patient is she - what's the context?

I think it's a bit unfair to be dragging others in if you haven't already confronted your other half.

I don't imagine they'll hate you, but might be a bit 'awkward' around you for a while.

Could you not have asked your DH instead? They're bound to tell him you asked.

Any reason you feel suspicious about this suddenly?

Won't they wonder why you haven't asked him first? I don't think I would have involved other people. I can understand you are suspicious but the person to talk to is him. Good luck.

God i cant imagine they will be rushing to reply.

why wont he giver her up?

If he is having an affair his friends won't tell you they'll be straight on the phone to him

You'll just come across as a jealous loon

I don't think they will hate you for it, but i'm not sure that they would tell you if they did know something was going on.

Jealous loon or not, I have already confronted him.

They won't say they know anything even if they do.

Awkward!

You have to confront him about it.

There must be 100 better ways to deal with that.

Unless there id more context.

I'm suspicious now because this is the third day running he set off in the morning to see her telling me he'd be back for dinner. None of the past three nights has he been back before 9

go round and see?

Why does he need to see her so often and for so long each time?

in what context is she an 'ex-patient'?

what is his profession?

I don't blame you for being suspicious.

But they won't tell you. Nobody wants to be the messenger, because nobody wants to get shot.

Go and see if his car is there?

So he has spent the last three days with her?

Totally unfair to put his friends on the spot. Can't imagine why on earth you thought this was a good idea?

What on earth do you expect them to say? What would you say to your best friend's DH if he asked you the same question?

ask her?

What did he say when you asked?

Honestly, I think if you are at the stage you are texting his friends about it I would be thinking more about how to practically end it than I would be worrying about if the friends will hate you.

Helloooooo???

In what contact is she an 'ex-patient'?

What is his profession.

you sounds very insecure and I'm not entirely surprised. Why does he seek to undermine your relationship , knowing that you are not trusting him. In what way was she a patient and how long have you and his friends known him ?

He has spent 12 hours a day with an Ow for the last 3 days ?

He's just coming home for a change of clothes then ?

Has he left you, because it looks like it from where I am standing

Sounds dodgy to me!