I just texted round three of DHs friends asking if they know if there is anything secretive/inappropriate happening between him and his friend. Have I been totally unreasonable?

[BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte]

This woman is an ex-patient of DH's and their 'friendship' (which involves several phone calls a day and several meet ups per week) predates our relationship by many years. This past week, DH has been several hours late in returning from hers. I've just texted each of the three mutual friends who were apparently also there asking if they know of anything going on. Have I been a total shit to do that to him? Are they all going to hate me for evermore?

The thing is, they've been like this with one another for as long as I've known DH. And all our mutual friends know what 'friend' is like, and until now they all respected me for my patience with the 'friend'.

hmm, op is not really answering peoples' questions properly.

Which ones am I not answering?

Sometimes we need to do what we need to do and you must not focus on the people you text. You've sent a follow-up excusing them from further involvement.

Now is time to refocus on you and where this goes from here. If your gut is telling you something's up, please listen.

Giver her a chance.

OP, I'm sure the friends won't think any less of you, especially if as you say they commented on your patience with this situation.

oops sorry, completely missed your post of 18.22pm

Op, I feel sorry for you

You have been outmanoeuvred to the point that you are frozen

I would be forcing the point and forcing it good

This inertia and desperate seeking of others to help you is a sign of how low he has brought you

Break the deadlock

Tell him not to come home

See where the cards fall

It's got to be better than this

What are you going to do then breastmilk?

Can I ask anouther, hopefully useful and relevant question this time.
Are you the sort of person to act first, and think afterwards?

12 hours a day three days in a row seems inappropriate to me in it's own right - unless he's actually fitting a bathroom for her or landscaping her garden. What are they doing all that time?

How long have you been married?
Have you suspected him of anything before?

A counsellor wouldnt have 3 other colleagues there as well would he?
So not a counsellor I think.

Is your DH the boss of the other 3?

Absolutely what AnyFucker says. Force his hand.

For the record, I don't actually think the ex patient relationship questions are relevant to us, and don't feel pressured to tell. Professionally or not, if she's not paying he hourly rate, even as a mate, it's too demanding on his time.

I really hope it's innocent breast, however, I'm doubtful. Best thing you could do is WAFS xx

Yes I am dreadful for saying and/or doing ill-considered things. Oh dear.

DH is home now and insists that his lateness each time has been due to the mutual friend dropping him home from 'friend' house late. He has agreed to us spending tomorrow just as a family without 'friend' or anyone else present. I hope we can talk and I hope he will be straight with me.

god yes wholly unreasonable.if I were his pal I'd be blanking you and ohm plain to him
sort your fractious relationship without dragging others in
I'd refuse to get involved but be cross that you'd dragged me in

Does he not have a job?

af advice is shocking.ignore all that kick em to kerb rubbish
you can't deny him access to joint home if you in a huff
talk like adults.no daft big gestures

If i were one of the three I'd feel very sorry you were forced through sheer frustration to text me.

I'd also be seriously wondering why DH was still my friend when he is evidently such a gold-plated wanker.

I think the texts were misguided, but I certainly understand why you sent them. I mean, I understand the need to know.

How would you feel about inviting this friend 'round to yours? You could have a cup of coffee with them, and then leave them to catch up or whatever.

(Sorry, I can't think tonight, should just focus on cooking the tea really). I meant, kind of insist that all future meetings are at your house or a neutral place and with you around for some extent.

This is one of the most confusing threads i have ever read. This woman is an ex patient, but is not your DHs friend? He spends all day at her house and comes home late? How does he make a living if he is at hers all day? I dont understand - have i missed something?

Sorry, but this sounds CRAZY!

Since before you got together, he has been calling this woman several times a day and seeing her several times a week?
And this week he has spent 3 full days with her?

That sounds like a girlfriend to me. I don't have any friends I see/talk to that much, not even my sister Even if it's just a friendship, it sounds much, much too intense.

Does she know he is married ?

I can honestly say ignore the strident yo go sista rubbish its easy for them to say
stop being so hyper texting folk.i wouldn't respond and that's not indication he at it
only thing to infer from this is you've crossed line.cool it and ask calmly