I just texted round three of DHs friends asking if they know if there is anything secretive/inappropriate happening between him and his friend. Have I been totally unreasonable?

[BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte]

This woman is an ex-patient of DH's and their 'friendship' (which involves several phone calls a day and several meet ups per week) predates our relationship by many years. This past week, DH has been several hours late in returning from hers. I've just texted each of the three mutual friends who were apparently also there asking if they know of anything going on. Have I been a total shit to do that to him? Are they all going to hate me for evermore?

What's his job?

How many ways can you make exactly the same rubbish point, scottishmummy?

I'd be kicking his sorry arse out the door and telling him to go live with her instead

I hope you're not still washing his skids

I can honestly say ignore the strident yo go sista rubbish

Well you can 'honestly say' whatever you want. Even if it's a load of tosh.

We all can. The beauty of Internet forums, isn't it.

and I think some folk incite others to be yo sista about any situation
usually the lock him out house.really?that would be illegal ad land you in trouble
I think no hoo haw.just a calm adult whats goin on conversation

OP is not calm, Op is highly distressed by her DHs desire to spend more time with another woman. I'm not surprised OP wasn't cool, you do mad things when you're pushed into a corner.

Scottish, are you suggesting she hangs fire on this? Seriously?? I'm far from some of the posters on here that jumps to a DTB, but I think the OP needs to face the fact that his relationship with this OW (although not confirmed, could be considered an EA) that its detrimental to her marriage. She needs to confront it, and do it quick but I suspect it's too late (sorry OP) x

How many ways can you make exactly the same rubbish point, scottishmummy?

I think Scottish is wrong in saying Breast was being 'wholly unreasonable', however, I totally agree that the whole shite about 'kick him to the kerb' is extremely OTT!

This is the actions of the cast of a bloody soap and it isn't as cut and dried IRL.

This is someone's real life FFS! This is Breast's real life She needs to address her suspicions, most definitely, but she doesn't and shouldn't be doing it in a manner that's flippant and 'throw away'.

This seems dodgy, but we must remember, we are being offered but a snapshot into Breast's personal world and that means we should be trying to help her balance the situation and look at things from other perspectives, rather than declaring LTB!

That's three then.

BM, you obviously do need to talk: we aren't really getting the full picture to be able to help really, and I can see why you might not want to say. But from the sketch you've given, he sounds so far over the line that the line is a dot to him. Something has got to give.

clearly she not calm,so being instructed to kick him out,lock door is reckless
she needs clarity,some answers not mn massive instructing her yo sista
texting the pals was foolish.I don't get the ex-pt bit,in what respect does he socialise with pts?

Four, sorry.

Eveey

Every

I suspect some vicariously like being strident ltb,lock him out,because they can
in reality,op needs to be calm.get answers she needs,and this is done without aggro
it hard to feel so stressed that one lose judgement and feels stressed.thats were calm need to prevail

I think I've got the picture, OPs DH is spending more time with another woman?

FFS! Stoopid phone!

Everyone has different levels, different standards, different 'that's enough' moments.

So some think it's a deal breaker, some don't. OP will listen or not, depending on what resonates.

The "yo sista" phrase is irritating in the extreme. I can tell you not to use it anymore. But you don't have to.

instructing op to lock their dh out is very strident yo sista.online bs
if she lock him out he can legitimately call police,she'll be in wrong
these posts never benefit when the yo!crew arrive they simply raise the temperature

lol,at notion you can tell me how to compose posts based on what irritates you extremely
I can honestly say in not going to moderate posts based on your preference
the beauty of Internet forums is I can compose posts as I wish. innit

What the very feck is all this "yo sista" in your texts posts SM. Cease and desist would you please. It looks mad.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you can, in fact, read.

Therefore you'll see that I said I can't make you stop posting what you wish.

Maybe you'd like to have another little read?

Fwiw I don't like the "I can see OP is upset but I'm going to smugly pick up on her unreasonable behaviour instead of looking at the bigger picture, cause that's how I get my kicks. Innit" posters.

But that's just my opinion.

Op - interesting that he came home early when you text his friends.

Get hold of his phone. If he doesn't beat you to it, there will be a 'she's onto you!' text or call.

Cripes, and now you lot are arguing too.

Thank you, though, for all your support. I particularly like the idea of suggesting that DH and 'friend' do their socialising/fraternising/whatevertheymightbeupto here where I can keep a silent eye out.

And when DH is in the shower, I will glance at his phone, too..

Drug Buddy?

Breastmilk: when does he go to work?
He seems to be round at the 'OW's house for many hours.

Good luck to you.

Oh my god.... I cant actually believe how calm you seem OP.