Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Abusive husband

61 replies

Longtimelurker0111 · 25/05/2013 13:22

I've left my husband after an incident last night.
He was drunk, he hit me, he went and sat at the top of the stairs whilst my daughter was asleep in bed. I thought he was going to hurt her.

He broke my cheek and my nose, I'm covered in bruises. He is still at the police station I think.
I don't know.

I'm scared for him to come back.

OP posts:
HeySoulSister · 25/05/2013 13:23

are you home now? read last nights thread...

karatekimmi · 25/05/2013 13:24

I'm sure wiser people will be here soon, but didn't want to read and run. Have you contacted women's aid? They should be able to offer help and advice.

Original poster
Longtimelurker0111 · 25/05/2013 13:26

I'm at my brothers, staying her for a few nights.

OP posts:
TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong · 25/05/2013 13:33

Hello.

I just caught up with last night's thread as well.

You need to call Women's Aid, there is a link at the top of the page I think. They will help you with practical advice on how to do everything you need to do.

If you are still at your brother's then your husband won't be able to "come back" to you, will he?

Please remember one of the things someone said to you last night, when you feel up to it, reread the thread, because they told you some very wise things that you need, when you're feeling calmer, to get a hold of. If you don't end this relationship, this will not be the only time you come on here on a Friday night because you've been lamped.

MissBlennerhassett · 25/05/2013 13:34

Hi Longtime. I have no experience here but I was on last night's thread and wanted to say hello and tell you how glad I am to see you safe.
Well done leaving him. It's such the right thing for you and your precious baby. People are here for you and many will have gone through the same thing. Take care Flowers

Original poster
Longtimelurker0111 · 25/05/2013 13:38

Thank you

OP posts:
IAmNotAMindReader · 25/05/2013 13:54

Involve as many people as you need to help you stay safe. A lot of people are afraid of social services but if you think he was going to hurt her and you say he has threatened to use her to keep you quiet then they can help you deal with him (as they woud be helping you to keep her safe from him). Womens Aid, Shelter, your local council, Gingerbread, your local domestic violence unit (they have officers specifically trained to deal with domestic violence and its lasting effects). To name but a few

Stay safe, keep your Dd safe. Wishing you well.

SolidGoldBrass · 25/05/2013 14:25

Reach out, there is loads of help out there. With a bit of luck this shitbag man can be sent to prison for his attack on you; at the very least you will be able to get a court order keeping him out of your home as he is such a danger to you and your DD.
And keep posting, there is lots of support on here as well.

Original poster
Longtimelurker0111 · 25/05/2013 14:28

Thanks for your support
This isn't the first time he's been violent but there's no proof will that matter?
I'm going to phone women's aid today, and a solicitor Tuesday.

OP posts:
SquinkiesRule · 25/05/2013 16:11

I followed last night and I am so glad to hear that you and the baby are safe.

Chubfuddler · 25/05/2013 16:15

I left my husband for DV four months ago. The difference is he had never and I am satisfied would never hurt the children. Social services have been involved, the police were brilliant. Have the police not been in touch today to update you about charges etc? I'm surprised if not - so they know where you are? If they do I would ring the police station and explain you'd like an update.

They offered to help me get an occupation order of family home but it was rented anyway and I didn't want to go back there. That is something you could look Ito - women's aid can also advise on that and housing options generally. I applied for council emergency housing but in the end I didn't need it as got a private rental. Being forced out to flee a DV incident which you can prove is all logged with the police would help you with that.

Have you given a proper statement? I told the police about previous incidents. They believed me.

Chubfuddler · 25/05/2013 16:16

Help you with the council list I mean, not help get a private rental.

Original poster
Longtimelurker0111 · 25/05/2013 16:20

The police got in touch earlier saying he was still in custody and would send someone round to go through what's happening next I'm just waiting for them now.
I gave a full statement last night,and told them everything

I might ring for an update now
I don't know where I stand to be honest

OP posts:
Original poster
Longtimelurker0111 · 25/05/2013 16:21

He was kept in hospital overnight

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 25/05/2013 16:29

Was he kept in because he was drunk, or because your db punched him? Good he's still in custody.

Original poster
Longtimelurker0111 · 25/05/2013 16:33

Because he was drunk - he's got a cut lip because of my brother but that's all
Apparently they couldn't get anything out of him and he passed out because of the amount of alcohol he had drunk

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 25/05/2013 16:35

He's probably still pretty rough now, then. I suppose it's just a case of "wait and see" now, while you take care of dd and yourself.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 25/05/2013 20:36

longtime I have no specific advice but I wanted to say well done. I was on your thread late night. It takes guts to leave, call the police... Keep going. Holding your hand.

whitesugar · 25/05/2013 20:53

I am sorry this has happened to you. When this happened to me I contacted a solicitor who very quickly got a court order which prevented him from coming near me. This might give you time to consider your options. Best of luck

MadBusLady · 25/05/2013 22:12

I was lurking on your thread last night. On proof: I've no special knowledge of how the police work, but given your injuries this time I suspect they'll believe you about previous incidents.

You must be completely in shock with all this. Hope WA have been helpful.

ChestyNut · 26/05/2013 09:10

How are you this morning?

Fairylea · 26/05/2013 09:16

I'm sorry, what a terrible time.

Make sure you take lots of photos of your injuries, including ones over the coming days showing the extent of the bruising. These will be helpful later for your solicitor and also if you have a bit of a wobble feeling sorry for him (I know I did when something similar happened to me as stupid as it sounds).

Also, if finances allows or if you have somewhere else to go I would hide there for a bit .. unless he doesn't know your brothers address?

Also get in touch with your local council and say you have been made homeless due to domestic violence and have a baby. They will give you advice and help.

Good luck x

Original poster
Longtimelurker0111 · 26/05/2013 12:24

I'm feeling a lot better about everything today, still shaken up - but I have my daughter to think about!

Thanks Fairy, I will phone my council tomorrow/ Tuesday to see why advice they cAn give me. I am happy staying with my brother for a few weeks but after that I will need help.

I am taking photos, and will give them to a solicitor when I have got one.

My husband knows my brothers address - but I feel safe here, my brother works from home so is always here.

Thanks for your help, x

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 26/05/2013 14:06

All the best OP. Flowers

Jux · 26/05/2013 15:26

Call Women's Aid, too. I lurked on your thread last night but the broadband was being iffy and kept falling over, so couldn't post.

How often does he get drunk?
How often does he get drunk and hit you and threaten (or imply that he will) hurt your baby?

Sorry, not really giving you the third degree. Just, last night it was clear that this is not the first time something like this has happened, and that he has made you very scared that he will hurt your baby. Sometimes it helps to get things a bit clearer in your mind.

Please don't feel pressured to answer, if you don't want to.

Hoping you have a more relaxed day, and can enjoy this sun with your daughter.