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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Abusive husband

61 replies

Longtimelurker0111 · 25/05/2013 13:22

I've left my husband after an incident last night.
He was drunk, he hit me, he went and sat at the top of the stairs whilst my daughter was asleep in bed. I thought he was going to hurt her.

He broke my cheek and my nose, I'm covered in bruises. He is still at the police station I think.
I don't know.

I'm scared for him to come back.

OP posts:

Report

Jux · 29/05/2013 12:03

Are you OK, Lurker? How's it going?

vintagecakeisstillnice · 29/05/2013 08:36

Ok first of all I believe you.

Now I hope I explain this correctly, bear with me.

He lying and saying he didn't hit/hurt you because he knows what he did was wrong. He's not even doing the classic she made me do it/ she forced me in to it, because he knows no- one will believe him, that normal decent people see right through that shit, so he going for total denial.
Does he really think that the 'A big boy did it and ran away' excuse is any better?

You know what happened, that is all that matters.

I think the one thing you need to realise/ believe is that you don't need anyone's permission to end this relationship. There doesn't have to be a list of faults, no one has the right to force you back in to a relationship with him.

What he did was criminal, and all you have to do is continue to tell the truth and keep yourself and your baby safe.

Jux · 28/05/2013 23:01

I believe you.

Earthworms · 28/05/2013 22:23

I believe you,

SlittySluttySlots · 28/05/2013 21:59

I believe you too

LunaticFringe · 28/05/2013 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IAmNotAMindReader · 28/05/2013 20:37

I believe you.

Stick to your statement and be guided by what the police and your solicitor say. If it is them who have told you this it doesn't mean they in any way belive what he has said, just that they are informing you this is the stand he has decided to take.

Keep strong and protect yourself and you Dd.

MadBusLady · 28/05/2013 20:10

Is this what the police have told you he said? If so, just reiterate that your statement is correct, and see what the police/your solicitor advise.

I really hope you're not talking to him/in touch with him via a non-official channel.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 28/05/2013 20:05

I believe you.

You do not have anything to do. He is trying to wriggle out of what he has done. Don't engage with him or try to justify yourself.

You told the truth. It is logged. Keep protecting yourself and the DCs. Keep talking to people in RL about what happened, what has been happening and how to prevent it happening again.

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong · 28/05/2013 19:53

This is typical abuser behaviour. Blaming it all on you, of course it's your fault, you provoked him, you made him mad, it's all you.

You mean he has lied to the police and said it was your putative other man who hit you? How original of him.

Do NOT let him get away with this. Are you still at your brothers? They believe you, the police believe you, and we believe you. xx

Longtimelurker0111 · 28/05/2013 19:48

He's denying everything. Said none of it was true. Said ive been having an affair and it wasn't him doing the beating.

He said it was all a lie - what do I do

OP posts:

AllThatGlistens · 27/05/2013 17:35

So glad to hear you're feeling better OP, keep that strength up for you and your little one

LunaticFringe · 27/05/2013 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Longtimelurker0111 · 27/05/2013 15:15

Hi everyone, things are a lot better today. Everything's a lot calmer :) we've actually had a lovely weekend.

OP posts:

Jux · 27/05/2013 11:28

Lurker, that's lovely. It brought tears to my eyes. What your life has been like is beyond comprehension. So happy for you.

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong · 27/05/2013 07:23

You are doing brilliantly Lurker

Have a lovely day with your baby and your family.

Longtimelurker0111 · 27/05/2013 06:26

He does swim, I'll encourage him to go and maybe to the gym too. He needs to push it out of his kind and focus on something else. He's punishing himself way to much :(

I'm currently sat looking out the window bfing my baby girl feeling the best I've felt in months - something I couldn't have done before. It's amazing how much my life's changed in a few days - and I have you ALL to thank for that :)

OP posts:

Jux · 26/05/2013 23:00

Running? Gym? Just a skipping rope in the garden, or jumping on the trampoline. Digging a new flowerbed. Clearing out a box room. Redecorating. The list is endless!

Sleep well. No one should ever have to live like you have. Thank goodness you have put a stop to it.

LunaticFringe · 26/05/2013 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Longtimelurker0111 · 26/05/2013 22:42

Hmm. Like what?

OP posts:

LunaticFringe · 26/05/2013 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Longtimelurker0111 · 26/05/2013 22:00

Thanks Lunatic.
I feel all over the place - my brother is so angry he can hardly talk to anyone, including his wife :(

OP posts:

LunaticFringe · 26/05/2013 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Longtimelurker0111 · 26/05/2013 21:24

I don't want him near us, but do I want him in prison? I don't know, I just know I need to keep my daughter safe

Alfalfa - yes he would constantly force me, I did give details to the police so they do know everything.
I'm so glad my baby won't know any of this, but what do I say to her when she is older? This is such a mess

OP posts:

LunaticFringe · 26/05/2013 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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