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Relationships

DH has booked himself a hooker. Awesome. Help me fast.

269 replies

nogoingback999 · 20/05/2013 20:30

named changed for obvious reasons.
I'm going to sound cold and clinical but thats only because I am trying to hold it together. I have no friends nearby who I can tell this to.

I need advice fast. I have been trying to hold it together for the last few hours but Im not sure how much more I can manage. Just found out DH has booked a high class hooker for Wednesday night. Sounds easy to leave. Not really.

DH and I have been together for a long time and he is currently dealing with depression (on ADs) and a drink problem (just found out it was worse than I thought and that he'd been hiding the extent of it from me). I also knew he watched porn but thought it was within 'normal' behaviour for a male. We've had some fantastic years together but frankly the last few have been pretty difficult and I have been very lonely and worried about our relationship.

Today I was out in the car with DH, the kids and FIL and MIL. I had his phone in the back seat as mine was flat and I don't know what made me do it but I checked his emails. He has booked a hooker for Wednesday night (when he is away on a business trip). I looked the webiste up later and she cost 500-800 pounds. I just saw the request as in .." is so and so available for a hour or two on wednesday night?. Saw no reply but it looks like a lot has been deleted as there were only a few messages in the inbox.

We live overseas and me and the kids will need to be repatriated back to our country. We dont have that much in the way of savings. He earns a good income and I of course gave up my job to come overseas. So the outlook is pretty bleak in the short-term for me.

I have the PILs in the house for another week. What do I say, do? Numb with shock. I can't even look at him I am so disgusted I did take a photo of the email. Do I wait till he's gone on the business and then email that I know? Or have it out tonight and let the PILs hear it all??? I guess a trip to the clinic is in order as I have no idea if he has done this before :(

Advice please and fast.

OP posts:
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nogoingback999 · 22/05/2013 10:03

So I sent the same message to the email address of the escort company that he sent. He said he got no reply... I got this..

Hi,

Thank you for your email;

Please call the office regarding your appointment and any information required. If you received this it means you need to call as soon as possible.

Kind regards

Vicky
Manager

So I was thinking of creating a fake gmail and emailing 'from him' to confirm the booking. Chances are its too late or that they will tell me to ring. Any ideas how I can get some info on whether he booked or not. He's still professing innocence.

OP posts:
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RiotsNotDiets · 22/05/2013 10:15

Why would they reply to you and not to him?

He's lying OP.

You deserve better

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Lucylloyd13 · 22/05/2013 10:28

Clearly, a husband bedding hookers is unacceptable.

However the issues associated with this are the root of the problem. His depression, the causes for that, and your deteriorating personal relationship predate this.

Neither of these may be your "fault", but those are the more substantive issues to deal with, hookers are just the end result.

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moleavenger · 22/05/2013 10:37

I've made a couple of documentaries about prostitution and spent quite a lot of time in brothels and with escorts (as a result of making the documentaries.) One thing's for sure - hookers don't make appointments over email or text. They will only make an appointment over the phone. They have a category for the men who email but don't talk on the phone and that's the category who never actually go through with it. They have a name for them - I can't remember what it is. They're the ones who want to reach out and get off on the correspondence or the interaction with the hooker and the danger of it, rather than actually want to have sex with the hooker.

I'm not saying your OP didn't want to do it, no-one can be certain of that - but there is some -some - plausibility in his story.

However, I don't think there is any plausibility in his morals. The fact he even reached out, that he wanted this interaction means that he is looking outside of your marriage for some sort of internal or external arousal.

I am sorry OP that you are going through this and I hope you can come out of the other side in the best way possible.

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QueenofWhispers · 22/05/2013 10:40

oooh can someone pretend to be a hooker and see if they can catch him? would that be entrapment?

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moleavenger · 22/05/2013 10:43

that's a good idea, QueenofWhispers.
Maybe we wait a couple of weeks, the OP sends one of us his email address and we send a few "personal marketing emails"

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QueenofWhispers · 22/05/2013 10:59

but then would it make me as bad as him?


but can we do it anyway? I'm pregnant and really hormotional and could really get my hatred for men out one way or another.

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 22/05/2013 11:18

Going back to the issue of telling DD (17), surely while things are so up in the air it is better to hold back, she may have picked up there is trouble afoot but it would only add another upset person to the mix.

Sorry OP I don't know what to suggest regarding ascertaining whether any real booking was made. Have you checked back on bank accounts and unusual spending patterns?

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Lulabellarama · 22/05/2013 11:24

I'd ask a man to call the number and confirm the booking. That will tell you if he made one or not.

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comingintomyown · 22/05/2013 11:54

I had a DH of 17 years who was completely moral , good guy, trustworthy etc etc but actually he wasnt.

I didnt bother doing much snooping or digging once I realised what he was up to but that that I did do confirmed he only ever admitted to what I could prove.

I would think from what you have said hes lying its just a question of on what scale really. Its a shock when you realise your DH is just like so many gone before him and not special at all

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lollydollydrop · 22/05/2013 12:24

Why are so many men such shits? One of the people posting on this thread PM'ed me, he's a male 'much older' than me who came onto the Relationships thread to pick up women, and told me that he also used escort services due to a sexless marriage. WTF.

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deste · 22/05/2013 12:27

I would be cancelling the booking.

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Mumsyblouse · 22/05/2013 12:30

lolly what a charmer! Hope you are ok, that's not a very nice thing to do to someone.

OP I hope you are ok today, this must be so stressful for you, I don't have any advice except to sit with it and do what you think is right in the long run, and keep your wits about you.

I wouldn't be happy if my husband emailed hookers for kicks, even if he never went through with it- but the fact that he emailed for an appointment for a time he was away at a conference makes me think it was a genuine enquiry rather just emailed for the thrill of it.

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lollydollydrop · 22/05/2013 12:33

He was emailing me to apologise for a post he thought had caused offence, but managed to drop in there all this other irrelevant information.. I got the feeling just 'on the off-chance' he got any response out of me. Which he didn't. Feel dirty! Poor wives everywhere Sad

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Chubfuddler · 22/05/2013 12:40

Lolly you can report pms and block the sender from sending you any more.

Creep. Yes you up thread. You're a creep.

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GetOrfMoiLand · 22/05/2013 12:46

Oh what a sad bloody thread.

I have no advice but what a shitty situation to be in.

Am astonished that anyone would consider an affair to be worse than her husband using a prostitute. As hard as an affair would be at least you could explain it by normal human feeling. It wouldn't be as visceral as knowing your husband thought it was OK to purchase a woman to have sex on.

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BOF · 22/05/2013 12:52

Name and shame, Lolly, name and shame. What a loser.

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QueenofWhispers · 22/05/2013 13:01

and please please please don't let it be my husband.

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BOF · 22/05/2013 13:13

What, he's on this thread?

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BOF · 22/05/2013 13:13

Is he the creepy one talking about punternet?

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lollydollydrop · 22/05/2013 13:19

Hahaha!! You got it BOF (must stand for Bofffin!)

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Chubfuddler · 22/05/2013 13:19

I think so Bof.

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Sallystyle · 22/05/2013 13:34

OP, if this was happening to your friend what would you say?

I think you know he is lying. None of it rings true does it? :(

I am so sorry you are in this position and I wish you strength to deal with it, whichever way you decide to go xx

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AnyFucker · 22/05/2013 14:03

Approaching darkness

Wanker name

Wanker behaviour

Your ilk ain't welcome here.

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BeCool · 22/05/2013 14:21

re all this booking prostitutes online, along with all these claims by men to make fantasy bookings, surely any business in this area would insist on taking a deposit prior to confirming any booking?

Otherwise you would have prostitutes & porn stars turning up to all these "fantasy addresses" for dates with mythical punters. I can't imagine they wouldn't address time wasters (as they are apparently so very common) in their ahem business model.

OP can you see if any payment has gone out of his account around the time of the email? It won't be under an obvious name.

I have no idea what a deposit for a £500-£800 pound booking would be. In my line of business (music) we always ask for 50% up front.

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