This is the dating thread 54, all welcome!

[JulietteMontague]

All very welcome to share online and real life dating experiences.

Ok, I've downloaded the app for that very purpose - let's hope there's signal. Gah!

What time are you going?

Oh other tips nowt - don't feel pressured, don't feel you have to stay if you don't want to. Don't accept a lift from him (have you checked him out with the mutual friend?)

Most of all, just have fun, enjoy the meal and the conversation. Don't expect too much though, it's rare to hit it off. Don't feel like you have to impress him too much, he should be trying to impress you at this stage.

Just relax. But don't drink too much. Oh and wrap up warm. Don't take sweets from strangers

I'll shut up now.

I suggested Thursday to the Translator, she said that probably works, maybe she could have one or two beers, she'll let me know.

Oh and they're filming Dracula two streets away from my conference hotel today. I may wander down and try and get a bit part instead of going to the work party tonight

Bant, hate to tell you this but when I was a 27 year old female my ideal was no-where near a 40 year old man. They were too old for me. In fact many 30 something women are flattered and enjoy the attention of younger men.

I still wouldn't date a man 13 years older than me now and I'm all grown up and stuff. This might just be me personally but I don't get why men think women their own age aren't desirable and are always striving for younger.

Will add that nowadays, I prefer to date men around my age,

Meeting at 8.15 - he has been well stalked checked out

Oh I'm not saying its mutual, just that they did a survey of men and that's what they found.

ScrazyI think he means what would be 'ideal' for a man, in a wishful thinking kind of way rather than what women consider ideal

I guess it feels like more 'Kudos' if a man can pull a younger woman..he can always try I guess but at 27 men over 35 were not on my radar:o

i'd only be interested in someone older if they'd looked after themselves, men on dating sites over 45 mostly seem to have 'let themselves go'

let themselves go if only Merc more a case of escapees from the morgue.

Seriously, I sometimes look like a carer rather that date.

He, he. My current is 7 years older than me and he is one of the oldest men I've had a relationship with but he is in v good condition and not on any dating sites, or so he tells me . I think he thinks I'm too old for him though.

I tend to think that a specification that you will only date people younger than you tends to view youth as a trophy. I think ten years or so either side of your own age is 'acceptable' but there may well be power/control issues with someone who specifically and only chooses to date someone younger than themself. If you keep the age gap, but shift the sliding sale, it's a bit weird for a 30 year old of either sex to date a 16 year old unfortunately it's one of those societal norms that seems to suggest it's acceptable for a 40 year old bloke to date a 26 year old woman, but a 40 year old woman dating a 26 year old man raises more eyebrows. Because we fetishise youth, there's a correlation of 'dating much younger = win'.

I like I think it's the person not the chronology, but there's other stuff going on in the background.

I had a fucking horrible day at work (annual report, 'must improve' = no bonus = fucked) so I feel teary and beligerant. So I've come home to £3 a bottle wine. There would be wine doom, but I'm actually in a really happy nameless place at the mo, went to his yesterday, spent most of the afternoon in bed. He's smashing. I could look at him forever.

Oh and I had a vague 7-years-either-side rule... Well, when I say 'rule' I had 'relations' with persons 7 years older than me (grey pubes!) and 7 years younger (scarily unhairy, rubbish at oral) so tended to stick around a couple of years of my age. I think as you get older it matters a bit less, although I'm the first to admit I would have difficulty in finding a 58 year old attractive, but bugger all difficulty in finding a particular 32 year old popping into my head throughout the course of the day. Ergo I'm a giant hypocrite. Hey ho.

well the cheek of him Scrazy:o

saying a mans ideal woman is half his age plus 7 is a bit like me saying my ideal home is a villa in the south of France, I can dream but I gotta cut my cloth according to my means

the 'casual' dating sites are bursting at the seams with men whose 'ideal' woman is one who will function as an unpaid escort..overwhelmingly they were sorely disappointed

Oh well Snape, glad nameless is some consolation. Work isn't going well for me either atm, roll on my well needed break. Any news on your holiday?

58 year old men can still be fit, not many, admittedly or it might just be that I'm getting on a bit too.

I guess generally we tend to gravitate towards people whose level of attractiveness is similar to that which we perceive our own to be?

At least I'm sure I read a study which supports that conclusion :o

when I'm 80 I'll be giving the glad eye to 'hot' 80 year old men :)

Still plugging away on the holiday front. (Juliette has been very lovely and offered some suggestions x) I think the difficulty is that holiday selection is akin to Internet dating. You have deal-breakers and a top 5 of 'wants' but 4 out of 5 of your 'really-would-likes' is a bloody good score, so I shouldn't be that picky (to note: I dated some hideous fucking cunts prior to nameless, who met the 'taller than me? Tick!' 'Witty, engaging? Tick!' Stuff and met blokes who would technically score a 5/5 but no spark. Which means I should just comprise a shortlist, send it to him and let him book the fucker.)

I've heard that "half your age plus 7" rule being applied to both genders as the acceptable age gap rather than any sort of ideal. Let's be honest though, there are plenty of men and women who have very specific age range requirements. As Snape says, its probably something to do with the power dynamic, but I also know many a woman in their 40s who've given up attempting to date men in their 40s (or even 50s) because those men will only consider women in their 30s. These women are playing the men at their own game and toyboy dating sites are flourishing as a result. For those of use who stick to sensible age differentials, it does make the pool much smaller (not something I need to tell any dating regulars). My range is 10 years up and down. Like Snape I will admit that I've not dated anyone the full 10 years older recently (although I did when in my 20s) but have shagged dated someone over 10 years younger. But as he was 38 and a soldier already a grandfather I didn't feel like I was stealing his youth.

Lovely to see many many new people and please forgive me but I'm not going to be able to namecheck. It is fabulous to hear new experiences and views though, really fabulous

In my dating news, I'm seeing a couple, talking to a couple and shagging a couple One, who I'll call Pawnee (he's had knee surgery ) looks to have the most potential, however he's now got a partially blocked stomach to handle along with the crutches. But he appears normal, keeps in touch with me with the appropriate regularity, remembers what I'm doing and is remarkably inventive and active despite the knee But its all BS until it isn't ...

I soooo love this thread, it keeps me sane

Possibly too sane ...

I've just received a message that says: "You're not the most attractive woman on here but there is something about you that I find very attractive and sexy".

I laughed ... ought I to have been offended?

what a tit Joyless
quick!
someone think of a back handed compliment to cut him down with..or is it not worth the bother?

I hate today. How many hours till its over???

Agree about lovely, shiny new folk. :) it's nice to see you all and there are so many that it's difficult to name check. I wish you all dating-loveliness!

I get the Pawnee stuff. I think it says a lot about you that you see this as a slight concern , because here may be mobility- moderations in your potential relationship that wouldn't be an issue otherwise (& they're not an issue unless you make them an issue... but it doesn't seem to be a deal breaker. :) I sometimes think that if nameless didn't have M.E. he'd be cavorting around clubs being all superstar DJ and have women flinging themselves at him... Instead, he's got me... As if it's not bad enough having energy deficits, poor love has snape to contend with.

Merc, that's FAR from the worst. I was contacted by someone on POF who's headline goes something along the lines of "fat, ugly & hairy ... no problem to me".

I did laugh at that one too ... but I suspect it hard a somewhat hollow ring

Hello all.
Well I had dates 3 and 4 with the Italian on Sunday and Monday respectively and all seems to be quite nice and normal. Sunday was a geeky film (I seem to attract slight geeks, can't think why!) with meal before. All nice and chatty. Quick kiss as I dropped her off but no more.

Monday was a lunch at hers (she suggested this on the Sunday date) followed by a gig a friend of hers was organising. Many beers were consumed, much kissing, and I stayed at hers (no coffee, just sleeping!).

She's clear the pace is a slowish one. I'm comfortable with that. No red flags, all very nice. Slight wory is there's no sign of the "don't date anyone else" conversation and she's pretty open about being in touch with other people. I guess that's fine, and honest. I think the Coffee is probably the trigger for not seeing anyone else and we've not done that yet.

that all sounds good bill :-)