This is the dating thread 54, all welcome!

[JulietteMontague]

All very welcome to share online and real life dating experiences.

Django no was just messaging Ruggers. All happened quite randomly as well. I had stopped going online because i was sick of the idiots but he contacted me after I had clicked on his meet me thing on pof weeks before. This is rubbish. Hate it!!!!!

OWW Rocky doesn't drink alcohol and is a bit of a tea Jenny .. I look on it as a way to temper my alcohol consumption .. 2 nights a week when I am with him I don't drink or only have a couple when we are out

Went to his at tea time last night .. Dinner got switched off .. Went to bed for a while .. Had dinner and went back to bed .. Got up just before 5 tonight .. He went to his Auntie's for dinner and I went to the gym .. He's coming to me tomorrow night after he's been to the climbing and I've been to the gym .. We have had the 'I don't want any commitment' chat on more than one occasion .. I think he finally believes that I'm not trying to trick him into marrying me ( I've been married twice and don't believe in 3 times a charm) .. Sex is amazing though so im hoping to keep him for a while

Raf you need to be true to yourself

Thanks for the offer kin but Ivor might just tip me over the edge!!!

(Right, I've told him my name is Grace )

lol - its been hot today grace - dont you think !! - lol so how you finding grace on here then bit mad yes ??? say grace was my mothers name always liked it and am not bulling either lass am a yorkshireman grace we dont talk shit we tell it the way it is - lass !! am a nice warm friendly guy treat a women like a lady not a lump of meat !! so tell me grace what you looking for then ?? just say lass !!

Being called 'lass' is a huuuuugggge turn on for me by the way.

You know you want to Pom ...

Hi Dolly and good to see you again on here. Sorry you are feeling a bit crap. Just so you know, the first person I almost (but not quite) slept with when I was starting OD did the disappearing act on me. He did a right number on me too, loads of romance and talk and I was carried away by the whole thing - this was real early days for me and it was very difficult. I think it's probably happened to all of us and it's the sign of a very sad and inadequate man and definitely nothing to do with you. There are a lot of disappearers and flakes online. By the way, you come across as a really lovely and likeable person on here, but meeting the right person just one of those things that takes its own sweet time. That's what I keep telling myself, anyway.

The same with you, Pom. You are lovely too, very kind and caring and you have achieved so much with keeping it all going with the children, starting your new job and all that. The dating thing can be hard and a bit bruising to the ego. I think if you feel it's not right for you, then stop doing it, or possibly try one of the other sites where there might be a different type of man. I can't recall which site you're on - maybe go for GSM or Times Encounters or something?

Like you say - it's rubbish now but it won't always be.

Pom there are nice people OD (you're on there aren't you??) .. Have a break if you don't feel up to it but you should give it another go

flipper are you seeing the neighbour again?

Thanks ladies, I think it is the uncertainty that gets to me. You just never know where you are upto with things. Ruggers seemed different to loads of the men ive messaged/ met and for the first time in ages i actually wanted to meet him. Suppose the uncertainty is the same with any kind of dating. This is when i wish o was still married and settled and happy (not that i ever got that secure feeling from my ex) I just feel like retreating into my shell for a bit to get strong and then I will get back to it. I am dealing with a lot at the mo and dating was meant to be a distraction. It's not really cutting it at the mo!! I have had a lovely weekend, had fab time with my beautiful kids and friends so why am I not happy with that. Why do I still want more?? God I am depressing myself now! Sorry!!!

Pom, he might get back to you yet. Just try not to think about it and if he doesn't then, his loss.

Pom if it's not a distraction, then don't do it. As OWW says, you're clearly a very lovely person, some Internet stranger not getting back to you says bugger all about you, it really is them.

I'm willing to bet that everyone on here has felt like you do at the moment, it's a bag of shite but I promise that things will get better for you.

Dolly, what OWW said (and what Pom said to me earlier too) - it's not you, it seems to be the nature of things with many ODers. It's rubbish, I think the players just assume that everyone on OD is playing at it.

But there definitely are good men on OD too, I guess it's down to luck whether you find one without having too sift through too much chaff first.

Pom it does sound like you might be ready for a break from OD, someone suggested to me (think it may have been OWW) that OD is cyclical, give it a couple of weeks and you may well find yourself getting loads of attention. The uncertainty is crap, and sometimes it's handy to have a shell to retreat into.

Kin, sorry, Grace lass, how did you respond to that last message, lass? Hope you told him the way it is, just like he likes it!

Top tip for any male lurkers. If you're, say, a 40 year old male, don't stipulate you're looking for someone 26 to 39. It makes you look like a dick.

Pom the uncertainty is annoying, but it's no reflection on you. Especially if they disappear pre-meet up. You have no idea what kind of backstory, baggage or genuine other demands on their time they have going on. It's hard not to imagine that the disappearers have bucked the odds and are having amazing meaningful sex with the woman with the profile above yours, but it's more likely to stem from their own issues.

Feeling a bit perkier, got a dinner date lined up for Saturday with the biker bloke who does the same job as me. He seems nice, actually - like his messages and he's quite funny, nice pictures, thoughtful about me having the children to think about when arranging dates so I am quite looking forward to meeting him.

Apart from the Italian and the bitumen bloke, I have without fail had at least an interesting time on all of my dates, and most of them it's been a good night out. Will this one be Good Night Out + Spark??

Aw thank you, you lovely lot. I have felt a lot worse just feels bit hopeless sometimes. I will dust myself off and put it down to another lesson learnt. I am going to be a very wise old lady the way I am going!!

Back to work tomorrow - is it wrong that I really love it? I used to say that the only people who enjoy going to work are the ones without a life. Mmmnnnn kind of fits with me at the mo!!!

*Django' I told him that it's hard to say exactly what I'm looking for but if he makes his own parkin then that's a good start. ( I was going to say that I'm looking for parkin and punctuation but I decided that was a bit mean )

is it wrong that I really love it
gosh no, it's a wonderful thing to love your work:o

Pom Loving your work is fab. We spend so much of our lives doing it that it is such a shame if we are just clock-watching and wishing our lives away. It's so important to have a job that you enjoy, at least most of the time.

Chin up Pom lass - all will be well.

Apparently there is Yorkshire parkin and Lancashire parkin Nora - I make a really good one but apparently it is a Yorkshire recipe so my mum won't eat it silly mare Parkin and Punctuation sounds like a lost Austen novel, Ivor as the rustic hero, manly but unlettered, snatching the fair Grace from the clutches of that citified bounder Showbiz . . .

We have an old family recipe too OWW, supposedly from the Yorkshire side of the family, traitorously, I prefer Gary Rhodes' recipe. I bloody love parkin, mmmmmm.

You want to get on to Victoria Wood with that pitch ...

Thank you ladies. OWW you're too kind and you speak an awful lot of sense.
Pom our situations sound almost exactly the same! I could have written the same about how I'm feeling, verbatim.
Turning in now, poor DD2 (14 months) has the pox and is suffering bless her so I'm in for a night of it I think.
Tomorrow is a new day!

for those of you feeling a little sadder than usual tonight.

Pom I swear by Meet Ups - A great place to meet actualmRL singles & get to know them & see them interact with others. I am active in 2 locally, but there are something like 87 (!) others. Two keep me busy enough. I would sooner stick needles in my eyes than OD.

Hi all,

I have lurked on these threads for a while and am fairly newly single after an 11 year marriage.

I just want to feel a bit more human and attractive again.

I have a date lined up for the first time, well, actually, ever TONIGHT! and i'm a little nervous to say the least. I know it's very very soon but I am viewing it as more of a pick-me-up than anything serious.

We met online, he seems nice and it turns out we have a mutual friend who is complimentary - we are meeting in a pub for food, any tips?

I'm struggling with 101, what to wear!

nowit - hello and welcome.

Unless you're wearing something completely outlandish, men generally don't notice what you're wearing. A decent top and jeans or a skirt is fine for a pub meal. Don't stress the small stuff, really.

Be prepared for no chemistry or him to turn out to be shorter or older. But then, he may be lovely. Just don't overthink things, see if you like him, if you want to see him again. And give us an update from the loo.

Stranger - Why would it make a man look like a dick to express a preference for 26-39? That's not my preference, personally, but I'd say if he said 18-25 then that would make him look like a dick. The majority of men prefer women a couple of years younger than them. Studies show the 'ideal' age (at least theoretically) is half his age plus 7 - which would be 27 for a 40 year old man.

I don't get irritated by 40 year old women expressing a preference for men under 30 - I've seen that a couple of times - or women under 30 saying they want to date men over 45. Expressing a realistic preference isn't a bad thing, just means they're probably not your type.

Blimey Bant I hope that's not true or else I'm ideal date fodder for a seventy-year-old ...

Hello and welcome Wit - I'd just second what Bant said about clothes. Something comfortable that you feel good in is ideal. Sounds good, very reassuring to have a mutual friend! But really, do be prepared for it to be a pleasant night out and nothing more. That spark is so elusive! Just try and relax, treat it as a chance to have a chat and a meal rather than a DATE which automatically makes it more scary and stressful. The first one is the worst on the nerves, but I'm sure it will be fine. Good luck and don't forget the loo update.