This is the dating thread 54, all welcome!

[JulietteMontague]

All very welcome to share online and real life dating experiences.

Sorry you are so low velvet .. Hope things improve soon

Velvet, my parents have both passed away. I have close siblings and their families, thankfully, but I always feel like the lonely aunt. I work full-time and just get by financially and have just been passed over for promotion at my age, it's discouraging.

I've been single for 26 years, lived with someone between divorce and now but that didn't work out. Had lot's of crap from men. From the age of 26 to 32 I had so many casual relationships I lost count. All the men I liked only wanted one thing and the ones I didn't were all over me. It was a strange time. I only met men who were seriously interested after I became a single mum but was so hung up on the babies father, I pushed everyone away. I'm now in a relationship without any commitment which only serves it's purpose of me not being so lonely now I'm child free and sex! But I have brought up a fantastic child, who I really struggled with when she was smaller. I have my own home, a job I enjoy, financial independence (although I'm not rich). And I've come to the conclusion that I'm actually OK, you know. I think when we feel low we can draw on the positives. It's hard bringing up teens on your own. It will pass. x

Velvet there's not a huge amount I can add but I will tell you, after years of dealing with people - there is no such thing as 'normal', you are you and that's a wonderful thing.

The other thing I want to say to you is that the loneliest I have ever felt was within my marriage, on the outside it all looks ok, on the inside you know that the person who is supposed to be caring about you doesn't give a flying one, it's a constant, driving pain.

And OWW that's sounding very good about Incognito, you're on fire, baby !

Velvet I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so low.

I had a similar experience to Nora. I've never been so lonely as when I was married - from the outside it might have looked wonderful at times - he was good at the grand gesture. I would get sent big bunches of flowers for no reason, get taken out to fancy restaurants for my birthday etc. What people couldn't see was that the flowers were usually in place of an actual apology for the latest abusive nonsense and the meals out would often end in some nasty whispered insult, which left me confused and in floods of tears wondering what had happened. And our sex life was non-existent but he was big on public displays of affection in front of other people. It was an utterly miserable place to be.

Who's off out tonight? Bant I think - anyone else?

So tempted to get in touch with LM but I am not going to. I know he is a tit, and what is wrong with me is that I'm missing having a special person, not him. But starting from scratch time after time and then it all goes wrong can be so wearisome.

Texting from last night's date today, nothing since Sunday from the engineer, couple of old ones have popped up again including one I went out with last summer. Think I am out on Saturday with another one, getting a bit silly. I am doing my not chasing thing at the moment - not going to ask anyone for a second date or whatever, they can do it if they're interested.

OWW I don't know how you keep up with them all! How do you feel about the one last night? He sounded promising.

Hungari-banker is.. Okay..

No thunderbolts.

Not sure if I should expect any.

I don't know how I am keeping up with them at the moment ChooChoo - no idea what has happened but it has all gone a bit silly. Haven't changed my profile or anything so I have no idea what has brought this about.

I liked the one from last night. He was quiet, but I am not sure if that was just first date (and I think it was his first OD ever) nerves or if he is just a quiet person. I liked how he held my hand, it's things like that that can be really sweet. But I liked the trainspotter from Sunday too. He is a bit flaky with communicating though, was like that in the run up to the date too, so I don't know what is going on there.

The one for Saturday has offered to pay for my babysitter - never, ever had that before. Not sure if it is very thoughtful or a bit odd. I said no, of course, but it is just a new one on me.

But Bant - ARE YOU STILL FUNNY???

and DID YOU SHAVE OFF YOUR STUBBLY-BEARD?

(Not sure why I am shouting ...)

OWW I think the quiet one sounds nice. Is he good at communicating in the run up to dates? Have you made plans to meet again?

Could you cope with the trainspotting chat? Think that might grate a little after a few dates!

I think paying for your babysitter before he's met you is a bit odd, even if he is just trying to be thoughtful.

Good luck with the next date.

I do like the quiet one so far . . . He is communicating as we speak, very "quiet" texts, not great long chatty ones like I am prone to, but he is definitely communicating. Normal chat, no weird hobbies so that is all good. Haven't made any plans to meet up again apart from that we will, but it's going to have to be next week now.

I would have to start very firmly changing the subject about trainspotting. It is just freight trains, don't know if that makes it better or worse. And bikes. But he was good fun and chatty otherwise.

If I could kind of meld the two I would be sorted!

Arf at "just freight trains". I'm afraid I don't understand such passions - it might be alright if he could keep it to himself or at least find someone else to talk to about it - other than you.

I did shave the beard off, yes, as it was beginning to look like you could hide a very small squirrel in there. Incidentally, Hungaribanker taught me the Hungarian for 'squirrel' tonight. It's 'mokush'.

She's okay. Quite attractive, conversation was a bit difficult at times but her English wasn't perfect. Far better than my hungarish obviously. We laughed a bit but no great big slamming the table with your hand belly laughs. She asked lots of questions but answered a few back. No big red flags. But no 'oomph'.
To be honest I've only had oomph with one date in years, and that was the Amazing Vanishing Historian who.. Vanished after arranging the 3rd date so I'm not sure whether its feasible or a good thing but.. I want it again.

Banker has left the OD site, she told me, so I gave her my card so she can mail me if she wants. Don't know if I want her to. She may grow on me.

Yes, I don't know why passenger trains don't cut the mustard. I could have asked, but thought better of it. I think there are clubs for that kind of thing.

I have date 3 with the Italian on Sunday evening. Followed by date 4 on Monday (she's taking me to a band night run by a mate of hers). I'm looking forward to both.

Wine - okay, I think that wins the prize for weirdest story on this thread. I'd thought the groping perv in the wheelchair, the 'let the sausage see the roll' guy or one of the various other weird dates might do it, but yours takes the cake.

Not that we have cake, you know, but...

'ello 'ello...what's going on 'ere then? Mek room for a rabbit's erse?

I have no idea what you just said, freedom..

Welcome back lovingfreedom

lol...I'm not dating yet but might as well join in the fun!

Bant it's my favourite literary quote...Saturday Night, Sunday Morning...one of the few things I remember from school!

Wine aha! so that's what was going on. Totally explains why the weekend episode was even more disturbing than just him being a twat. Your gut was screaming at you something wasn't right. As Bant says, as weird dates go that is up there. Can we call him Ken now?

Bill yay for dates 3 and 4, this is sounding straight forward and good

Bant worth giving it a go if she gets in touch?

OWW for some reason, I find the idea of freight trains acceptable. Passenger trains though, just sounds smutty.

Snape all shoes are present and correct, all will be well