This is the dating thread 54, all welcome!

[JulietteMontague]

All very welcome to share online and real life dating experiences.

Genuine question, lots of people snog or dtd with someone they don't fancy. How? When it happens are the men/women in the catergory of attractive but no spark from the personality or something?

Splish it is definitely possible for someone to grow on you, you have nothing to loose if you give him another go.

I'm trying my best not to be shallow, and judge him by the person he is - which after all is more important... but it's not easy!

I think it feels hard too, because he wanted to know if progress is likely... it's all a bit analytical rather than kind of wooing... I know he's keen and don't want to be mean either.

Oops Super you are perfectly entitled to dodge the gf thing if you are not ready, you can always let them know you are looking for a more casual arrangement before or when you meet up with them

And we had a snog because he went in for the kill as it were and I thought it was worth a go to see any spark would leap into action.

I confess I have dtd with people I wasn't particularly attracted to by looks, but my libido is usually easily aroused!

Splish you can't make yourself fancy someone the entire thread knows I've tried hard enough more times than I can count, you like what you like. Just because you are curvy doesn't mean you have to like curvy. Also, he is pushing it a bit by asking where things are going, it was only date 2. I would say something like 'it's early days yet, lets just see how things go'. You are a free agent as long as you want to be.

Hello - it's been a while and I've not kept up but wanted to pop back see what's happening.

Still single here - been giving match a go the last few weeks but so far nothing inspiring. Lots of winks from men I don't want to meet & A few conversations with ones who seem to lose interest as soon as meeting is suggested.

Jobs going well but everything else feels like a real slog!

I think it's maybe because I've had such rubbish exes, the thought of a decent man is rather alluring!

Maybe it's Bant's theory of sterile non alcoholic environments coupled with analytical discussions of progress.

Also maybe this is me being really unreasonable, but even though I would have said no, I thought it might be nice if he'd offered to pay for the (inexpensive) lunch. Whereas he just looked at the bill and said "that'll be a tenner each". Actually my main complaint is that he said no to the dessert menu without asking me!

Hi Yoga, I wondered where you were. Oh well at least your job is going well which normally lasts longer than a relationship anyway .

I met a guy on POF who was different to my usual type, quite geeky, and I wasn't really attracted to him but we had some nice chats and dates. When it came to DTD it left me cold. Juliette, I think alcohol helps with this one and you hope that they will arouse you. It didn't and I had to end things.

Splish any whiff of tightness is a no no for me. It may be unfair, but I think on first/second dates no one should assume anything but it always nice when the man offers to pay. It has put me off more than one man, and later events showed I should have listened to my instincts. Deciding on the desert menu without asking is also presumptious and no decent man would consider what you would like and that you may like to decide for yourself Next?

Yoga good to hear from you, I've often wondered how things are going for you. Good news on the job, if you are even getting winks on Match you are probably doing quite well...

Scazy unfortunately/fortunately I don't have any beer goggles. I do get huggy but that's about it. Even with a bf I don't want to dtd as I would start giggle then throw up. Who said romance is dead?

Splish, I don't like any hint of meanness either, that would put me off and passing the desert menu on your behalf is just inconsiderate.

Splish - I am the same as Juliette. I honestly think on a first date, he should pay. Saying no automatically to the dessert menu and immediately wanting you to pay half tells me that he is not prepared to give too much of himself. If he is doing that to begin with, then what the blimmin hell would he be like once he starts getting comfortable?

I always offer to pay half/get the next round in - it's nice if the man pays but I know people don't always have a lot of spare cash, so it's not a huge deal. But meanness is a different thing altogether, and so is the no dessert thing.

Sometimes you (well, I) can't tell if you really fancy someone til you kiss them. It can be surprising, really. I wouldn't go to bed with someone if I didn't think it would be good, but again this can throw up some surprises.

Well, I have just had a look on Match and the nice man from the next village has sent me his phone number - very keen! And two messages since last night. Ooh oooh ooooh. I quite like a few messages (or texts if it gets to that stage) - not huge amounts like I know some people have had, but a few every day would be lovely just to keep the connection going. Isn't it funny how you just get a message off someone and it all seems good? I know by now not to rely on this translating into real life, but on the other hand both LM and Indie were very good messagers that I did feel that connection with too.

The Last Engineer is not very messagy and I am not at all bothered. I am feeling quite lacklustre about this date tomorrow, no real reason at all (except I like the new one better) but I don't think I will cancel as a) it would be rude and b) you never know.

DD's party was apparently "awesome" according to a text off one of her friends. Thank goodness. They are all so very, very cool but not too cool for a very competitive game of musical chairs

Sorry, I have probably missed loads today, apologies for ignoring people, it's just been one of those days and there is a new Mrs Titto now in existence. Poor, poor woman

OWW, you never know. I went on a date feeling like that, within about 2 mins I really liked him and we had a love thing but for other reasons it didn't work out.

Do you know for sure now that there was a wedding today?

Yes it's not so much who pays it's the unilateral decision by him that the bill is split, tenner each, no we're not having desert. Puts the where are we going down to pure self interest rather than love sick puppy.

I may be biased on that as I had that one on the second date who insisted on wanting to know exactly where we were going as he had a 3rd date the next night, and as he put it 'I like her, but I like you a lot so I want to know before I see her tomorrow' . He was another tight one on the first date, tighter on the second. The last time I saw him he was still asking whilst holding onto the taxi door as I drove off.

Jeez OWW if that is definitely the case, just open a bottle and feel smug he's officially someone else's problem.

Scrazy if it wasn't today then it's already happened - today is the date he's given for reducing his maintenace payments as he will have "additional dependent children" so I'm surmising that this is his new step-family as his sister has said she knows nothing about a new baby. They won't actually tell me anything outright, though, which makes it very difficult and awkward.

Glad things are back on track for you. Just a bit of a temporary wobble?

I think my new mantra will have to be You Never Know. It's all that is keeping me going . . .

OWW, sounds about right, he can reduce his maintenance as he now has other dependent children. They mustn't get maintenance from the natural father then, is that how it works?

Yes, I hadn't seen him for 10 days and was busy and hadn't thought much about him so thought I was going off him. Wrong, I doubt I ever will.

Scrazy - I'm hoping the CSA will sort it all out for me and get proof of what he is saying, as he is not a friend of the truth. I am past caring, it's another one of those many things there is no point worrying about.

Does anyone here know anything about the CRB checking process? If so, could you PM me please so I can ask a quick question?

I've had a CRB check done for volunteering at school - don't know if I'd know anything useful though

Re paying - maybe it's old fashioned, but just think would have been nice of him to offer especially as he seems to have a good job and I'm not working at the moment. Though I would have paid half anyway. And dessert - I love pudding! My abusive ex was at least good re puddings when I first met him - sometimes we'd just go out for pudding, forget the rest. I heard the waitress ask him and didn't realise he'd said no til the bill arrived.

I know someone (late 20s) who did OD for a bit and said she never paid for anything, she basically spent a few months having lots of drinks and nice dinners bought for her. There is no way I would be comfortable doing that.

But I did have a mean date recently and it -was one of several things that-- really put me off him. I effectively ended up subsidising him and it's not like he was a starving artist. He'd been inappropriately discussing money all night though. I'll happily do religion and politics, but not inheritence.

splishsplosh x-post, I'm really feeling for you missing out on pudding now, you need to get yourself something nice before the shops close.