If you lost your virginity before the age of 16..............

[THERhubarb]

Can I just ask, was it something you did willingly? Was your partner older than you or the same age and do you regret it now?

I guess this is leading on from the other thread about when people lost their virginity.

My dd is 12, nearly 13 and according to that thread, some posters were having sex at 13. I know this happens today too but I just wondered at the circumstances really.

[grimbletart]

I've always held the view that it is the truly mature (as opposed to got breasts, got hips, have periods) girls who realise that they have a lifetime for sex and that there is nothing mature about having sex at 13, 14, 15, 16 etc. Those are the years for learning and having fun not playing at being grown up.

But I don't expect anyone on MN to agree with me as I'm just an old gimmer.

[KittensandKids]

I had a fumble at 14 he was 15, I regretted that as I was way too young, next time I was 16 and in my first 'relationship' he was 19, that was fun!

[curryeater]

Big hugs to everyone on this thread who has suffered and is still suffering.

I want my girls to have good experiences but I don't know how to be open with them. I have to learn. I was brought up Naicely, but emotionally neglected and had no one to talk to about anything, especially relationships (let alone actual sex). I was treated badly by boyfriends for a long time because of it. The "values" that I was brought up with made me desperate and lonely, and seeking love and friendship made me far too malleable to people who used me. I want my girls to have good relationships of all kinds, friendships and romantic relationships, with good people, that they go into willingly with their eyes open, that nourish them and do not violate their self respect. I have no idea what to do to help this happen. for now I (and their father) am their world, and I can love them all they need. but at some point they will have to go into the world and get love from other people and it terrifies me because I don't know how to help them do this because all my family did was tell me that I couldn't have it and didn't deserve it.

[JenaiMorris]

I was 14, in the 3rd year I think (so Y9 in new money). He was 16 and had just sat his O-Levels at another school. We'd been together for a few weeks but speed serial monogamy was the order of the day, which in a way was no bad thing. Anyway it was all very sweet and I have no regrets.

I was pressured into having sex a million years before (as it seemed!) when I'd barely turned 13 by a bunch of older kids who I thought were cool , as was the 15yo boyfriend (younger bro of the immature twats older gang). When it came down to it neither of us wanted to, so we emerged from the room claiming to have done it. There was cider and dope involved and it was all very This is England.

I'm proud of myself for not giving in (even though we fibbed) but the situation - someone pretty much my son's age getting pissed and smoking cannabis with a bunch of virtual strangers - unsavoury ones at that - makes me shudder. It's one of the reasons I'm so hot on knowing where he is after school these days and I regularly spout off about children needing us around more when they're 13 than when they're 3.

[jacktarot]

I was almost 15 and he was 20... It wasn't consensual in that I was off my head on psychedelics but he didn't really pressure me that much. I just had far too low an opinion of myself and too much hatred of y body to think I could say no.
Yes I regret it, although at the time I was relieved to have it over with. I didn't have an enjoyable sexual experience until around 21 - 5 years intoy relationship with DP. It took me a long time to relax and enjoy!

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Great post curry
I think you're further along in helping your DD's have good relationships with others than you realise
Good luck !

• I'm going to need some too, my DC's are teens/pre-teen now

[Mama1980]

I was 15 just, he was 16 I felt no pressure and wasn't coerced, we took precautions and it was all very sweet really. I don't regret it at all. We were at a party no alcohol involved though. Our teenage 'love' didn't last but we are still friends, and giggle about our innocence now.

I'm sorry for everyone on this thread suffering. X

[JenaiMorris]

grimbletart I am inclined to agree with you, although as I said upthread I don't regret having sex when I did, even though he and I split up a few weeks later.

I went on after to get into a relationship with a man six years older (possibly more - I was in the 4th year I think and he was in the final year of his degree!) which lasted until I was 18. He was actually a decent chap but good grief I don't think it was healthy for a girl my age to be so caught up with someone older like that.

I was utterly fixated on being with people I perceived as cool. It wasn't just about seeking love (although there was a big element of that). Boys in bands, basically

[Meringue33]

I was sixteen and ready for it, at 15 I really wouldn't have been. At 15 there were squalid fumbles - not coerced into it by the boy but definitely felt peer pressure to participate even tho I wasn't attracted at all.

[Dittle]

I was 15 with my boyfriend who I'm still with now, who was also fifteen. It was totally consensual and wasn't that great lovely.

[MadameJosephine]

I was 16 but he was 15 and I was definitely willing. I celebtated the end if my exams by showing up at his house in my shortest skirt and highest heels and brought beer, he didn't know what had hit him. My ds is now 16 and doing his exams and the thought of some teenage snapper doing the same to him horrifies me!

[babyradio]

I was 16, he was 17 and we were together for 2 years. Looking back I can see I was pressured into it. I think he was under pressure to fit in with his friends and older siblings too.

It was no better or worse than the average first time I suppose. But looking back I can see he watched far too much porn and like another poster said once it was done it was expected, and a lot of the time it was like I didn't really need to be there. Like it could have been anyone, if that makes sense?

Even though I was above the magical age of consent, I do wish I'd had the sense to wait for someone who treated me properly.

[SundaysGirl]

I was 16 he was 19. It was consensual.

What disturbs me more looking back is I got involved with someone who was 32 when I was coming up 17. I didn't see anything wrong with it at the time but as the years have gone on I have become more and more icked out by it. Now I am 32 the thought of having sex with someone in their teens makes me want to vomit. I think its really wrong and there is something extremely unhealthy about that sort of age gap.

[Lowry]

I lost my virginity at 16. I was legal, finally!
Couldn't wait to copulate!
He was also 16 and a virgin. It was a total fiasco......i wish i'd never done it then.
I wish i'd had the maturity to just wait, instead of "sowing my wild oats" over the next 2 years!
I feel sad looking back over those 2 years before i met my DH (at 18).
I so wish he'd been my first.
Anyway, you can't change the past can you ?

[chibi]

i was 13, he was 17 and nagged and nagged until i gave in to shut him up.

it could have been worse.

looking back,i am faintly horrified.

[GilmoursPillow]

I was 15, he was 29. I don't recall not wanting to do it, but I do regret it.

[MoodyDidIt]

i did it willingly

but was definitely taken advantage of

i was - only just - 15, he was 21. i thought i was so grown up, going out with this "man". but i can see now that he did such dreadful damage to my self esteem that it will probably stay with me forever in some form :(

i dread dd being a teenager. as most of my friends had done it by 13 or 14. and this was in the 90's. god knows what its like now

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

I guess it is possible for things to change for the better Moody ?

• such as UK becoming more like the Netherlands,
  

much more modern views but also sounder ones.

[Chubfuddler]

We were both 14, had been in a relationship for over a year and both very willing. Precautions used, shipped for together, all very responsible.

Having had quite a lot of sex to compare it to, it was pretty good.

[Chubfuddler]

This was over 20 years ago btw.

[MadamGazelleIsMyMum]

I was 2 weeks off my 16th birthday. With a boyfriend who was a couple of years older and who had put no pressure on me. I didn't love him, but was close to being the last of my friends and thought he was as good a person to do it with as anyone else. We broke up a few months later, but I have no regrets. About 10 years later we hooked up again and are now married with 2 DC. Depending on how carefully I word it, I will be able to tell DD and DS that I lost my virginity to DH.

[SleepyCatOnTheMat]

I lost my virginity before the age of 16. I did it willingly. I regret it. It wasn't an awful experience but it wasn't special either.

[CoalDustWoman]

Can I clarify something that always seems to crop up on these threads?

I know it's called the age of consent, but it doesn't mean that under 16s can't give consent. It's under 13s that are deemed unable to give consent in law. Or, rather, consent is a non issue in terms of the of the offence committed.

[quoteunquote]

someone posted this else where on MN well worth reading and bearing in mind when talking to your children about choices.

I wasn't luck enough to have a choice, I have a rapist uncle.