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Original poster

If you lost your virginity before the age of 16..............

185 replies

THERhubarb · 14/05/2013 13:25

Can I just ask, was it something you did willingly? Was your partner older than you or the same age and do you regret it now?

I guess this is leading on from the other thread about when people lost their virginity.

My dd is 12, nearly 13 and according to that thread, some posters were having sex at 13. I know this happens today too but I just wondered at the circumstances really.

OP posts:
sparklekitty · 14/05/2013 16:24

I was just 14, he was 21. I didn't have a choice in the matter. It carried on for 18 months and I live with the consequences to my mental health daily.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 14/05/2013 16:28

I was 11 he was in his 60's I had no choice.. was I ready.. no.

Original poster
THERhubarb · 14/05/2013 16:31

I guess the few examples such as those experienced by sparklekitty and rosyposynotsodozy are reasons why the law is as it is, although it is clear that this did not protect either of you Sad

It does make me worry a lot for my own kids and the pressure they will be subjected to, not just from their peers but from the media, magazines, fashion industry and anything which profits from the sexplotation of children. Both boys and girls.

OP posts:
Original poster
THERhubarb · 14/05/2013 16:32

OMG Never Sad

I am so sorry. I hope this thread hasn't brought back any horrible memories for you. I am truly sorry if it has.

OP posts:
lottieandmia · 14/05/2013 16:36

A lot of my friends had sex at 13 or so. One I know did it because she was in a hurry to grow up. She said she regrets it.

Badvoc · 14/05/2013 16:36

I was willing.
I was 18 but I wish I hadn't, at least not with him.
I had just had my heart broken (unrequited love) and I guess I just thought "you don't want me, but look! He does!" Sort of thing.
Sigh.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 14/05/2013 16:37

threads like this will always bring up memories for anyone who has experiences rape/sexual assault. I used to remember to avoid them.. this time I forgot.

TooOldForGlitter · 14/05/2013 16:39

I was just 16 and he was 28. Bastard Angry. I was not ready Sad. The more I look back on that 'relationship' the more unpleasant things I remember and the more I feel almost, I hate to use the word, but, abused I suppose.

cafebistro · 14/05/2013 16:44

I was 15 and he was 17. We were both virgins. I did it willingly and had a 2 year 'relationship' with him. I don't really regret it but I do wish I'd have waited until I was a bit older.

tb · 14/05/2013 16:46

He was 25, I was 14, and I was coerced - it was an extension of being abused as a child. I spent the next 3 years being worried about getting pregnant. His 'maturity' didn't include contraception.

He's now a vicar!

Original poster
THERhubarb · 14/05/2013 16:48

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood only by sharing your experiences can you help others to understand. By speaking out, you might not be able to erase your own memories but you can make people think and hopefully you can change people's attitudes and behaviours and perhaps save another girl from going through the same ordeal.

Often a chain of events can be prevented by just a very small change. A sudden thought, a change of mind, a different course of action.

I wish I could turn the clock back for you and everyone else who has been abused. Instead I can only offer you Flowers and Wine.

And my thoughts Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
THERhubarb · 14/05/2013 16:49

tb, have you ever thought of reporting him?

OP posts:
nannyof3 · 14/05/2013 16:50

I was 9, he was in his 30's i guess...

Didn't want it... Hmm

JugglingFromHereToThere · 14/05/2013 16:50

I'm sorry you came across this thread NKU, and for you and everyone here who's had bad experiences Sad

Pendeen · 14/05/2013 16:57

"Being a virgin is now looked on as more taboo than being sexually active"

Of course it isn't.

Where did you get that idea?

Original poster
THERhubarb · 14/05/2013 16:57
Sad
OP posts:
Original poster
THERhubarb · 14/05/2013 16:59

Pendeen from my peers when I was 16/17/18 myself. School friends would take the piss out of me for my lack of boyfriend, calling me a lesbian. Family also thought I was a lesbian.

When I told a few select people I was a virgin they reacted with horror as if I had a disease.

Then there is the media pisstake of public virgins such as the Jonah brothers and so on. Like they are freaks themselves.

OP posts:
Pendeen · 14/05/2013 17:01

I think we must live in very different worlds then THERhubarb

JugglingFromHereToThere · 14/05/2013 17:01

Hey Rhubarb, maybe for most people it's good to have somewhere to talk, and as you say it may help someone else or help change society's attitudes or the law. Easy for me to say though as thankfully I don't qualify for this thread. I was 23.

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 14/05/2013 17:08

I lost my virginity at 13. He was 16. I don't regret it, I didn't think it was really that important. I have a DD and whilst my opinion has changed on the importance of it I don't regret it. It was a bit crap and things didn't work out with the lad but hey ho.

Original poster
THERhubarb · 14/05/2013 17:10

Public perception of virginity here:

The Student Room

Also Google Lori Jones, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez and you'll get plenty of articles on their virginity.

OP posts:
ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 14/05/2013 17:10

And also for the record, my mum didn't drive me around or supervise me, I wasn't into sports or anything so had no hobbies really. I used to spend my weekends like most uni age people I suppose. sex and drink and staying at mates. i do wish my mum had cared a bit more though.

Original poster
THERhubarb · 14/05/2013 17:11

Maybe Pendeen but that doesn't invalidate my experiences. From what I read and hear and notice now that I have my own teenage dd, being a virgin is something to be ashamed of and something that you need to get rid of asap.

Same as it was for me.

Nothing changes.

OP posts:
ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 14/05/2013 17:14

rhubarb, it was the same for me. if you get to year 11, or even year 10, and yourestill a virgin then you're a social outcast.

kotinka · 14/05/2013 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.