How often does your DH text/call in the day?

[HeyBabyBaby]

I'm currently at home with our 10 month old baby. DH leaves at 7:00am, normally back past 7:30pm. Yesterday DH sent me at text at 5:30pm, saying he's had a busy day and didn't have a chance to call and would be home later than usual. He then calls at 7pm (I've just put baby down and in the midst of preparing our dinner) saying hi and I said I was annoyed that he'd not called during the day, even just for a couple of mins. He then said 'great, this is how the evening is going to be?', 'you're just having a go at me', then we said good bye. He got back home and then just launched into me saying how I don't understand and I was being so unreasonable, then got angry that he didn't have a shirt ironed (he normally irons his shirts and didn't do them on the weekend). I couldn't be bothered having an arguement, so went straight to bed. I worked in a busy job and am currently on mat leave, but if he was at home all day on his own looking after a baby, I would call at least once a day.

What do you think?

Oh when he's working late he rings to say goodnight to the kids

"IMO when he's at work he's working and I don't expect to hear from him."

^^ Totally agree. DH probably calls/txts once a week to check if he is picking up DS from sport. (I'm not awake when DH leaves the house.)

Thanks for all your responses. I found it really interesting. Not sure where to start..

I have certainly made the most of my mat leave (going back to work in July, 4 days), baby groups, made friends (with babies), walks, coffees, running, etc, and I dont depend (or rely) upon phone call to make me happy. I just thought it was normal thing to do.

Our baby has been a real pain lately, fussy eater, waking up at 5:30am, grizzley, needy, crying lots, and has been a bit of pain. Our baby was like this all weekend and my DH saw this. DH normally does call or text just to ask how my day is, etc, and I thought he would have called. He works in a job that he can step out (or into a meeting room) to make a call. I dont have the effort to get into arguments but I do say how I'm feeling, which clearly didn't down well. I think its nice to have your husband call you during the day to see how your day is getting on, I'm not needy, if anything just a friendly call.

In regards to house work and the generally running of the house (shopping, cooking, cleaning, arranging any jobs), I do everything except iron his shirts and cut the grass. I do sometimes do his shirts but he had all weekend to do them. Last night I made a lasagne, everything was cleaned up by the time he got back.

Its 5 mins of my husbands busy day, but when you've been struggling to feed your baby lunch, its means more than just a 5 mins call. I don't think he realises what is like to be at home....

A few times a day most days.

To be fair to your DH when I was working there were days when I just didn't get time (10 mins to eat lunch and go to the loo) and I didn't always call DH (he was previously the SAHP).

It is hard being on your own all day with a baby or young kids. Do you manage to get out to baby groups to get some adult conversation?

Be kind to each other, apologise for being snappy, explain you are lonely. He will likely apologise for being snappy too and explain that he was tired and had a hard day. Trying to imagine how the other person is feeling before saying something is always a good idea when you are cheesed off and have a spat.

Think its work environment partly...
If you're on the clock and fixed hours...then too much texting at work will be frowned on...and doesn't reflect any lack of care/attention in your partner...

Usually only if there's a reason or something exciting has happened. I'm off on maternity leave as well, but I would be worried if he started calling me all the time.
I do feel supported by him though and can call him anytime but don't really feel the need to unless there's a specific reason.
Its horses for courses though and if you need a call during the day just say to him to make the effort when he's got a spare 5 mins.

Does he know that, OP? Because if I were struggling with a difficult baby, the last thing I'd want would be DH (or anyone) getting on my nerves phoning me. Maybe he thinks he'll wake the baby/interrupt you at a difficult moment?

I ironed DH a shirt once.

He looked at it, said thank you, that was nice of you to do that.

I found him 5 minutes later re ironing it because he likes a sharp crease down the sleeve.

Now, on a Sunday, he goes upstairs with his fancy steam iron, the ironing board, a film on sky and irons his work shirts, my work clothes, and 3 DCs uniforms. It's lovely.

I do cook...well not every night though. We take it in turns, me, DH, teenage DCs and the chippy.

I don't mind doing stuff to help him, but if he was asking me why I hadn't ironed his shirt when a) he hadn't asked me and b) he always does it himself id be inclined to tell him where to stick it.

Dh has to travel about a lot with work and will quite often ring for a chat I he's travelling for 3 or 4 hours - think he's just bored!
Other than that he'll send the odd text if he's got anything he wants to say. He's always been quite a big texted though but I'm not really.

DH never calls; that woud annoy the life out of me (even when I was at home).

Only if there is a reason - like being late, or if he has forgotten what I asked him to bring in.

I work from home f/t or on the road to see clients and DH works at an office or often on the road to clients, we don't text or email unless there's something to organise/say.

I'll be on my first mat leave from beginning September for three months then p/t after that - It hadn't occurred to me to expect him to call me more to see how I am... but maybe he will want to know how the baby is? I don't know, but I wouldn't say speaking during the day is necessarily normal, most people I worked with when I was in an office would make one call around 4pm to give an estimated time home or arrange travel/nursery pickups/dinner.

He only texts me to let me know he's arrived at work safely, if the roads are icy or extremely wet and only calls me if he needs to ask me a question about something and can't wait for me to check my email. Otherwise, he's at work, doing his job.

Dh only texts if he needs to. Never calls me, I would be shocked if he did to be honest.

Ph and we used to laugh at the woman who rang her dh to confirm that they'd got to work safely/had managed to way lunch/were about to leave every day. It doesn't look good to colleagues unless they know there's a serious issue.

Mine calls once around lunchtime most days now I'm on mat leave. He also rang me on my day off when I was working 4 days. If he doesn't ring for any reason I'm not bothered and usually don't notice. I can always call or text him if I need him for any reason.

It's definitely not a lovey dovey phone call, usually a request to do something or fetch something.

I don't iron or cook either. I'd iron a shirt for him if he needed it quickly but he'd need to ask me to do it; I'm not a mind reader.

We exchange a fair number of emails, usually about domestic stuff (this is actually how we sort out pretty well all domestic/child related stuff) and the occasional phone call. (Usually when he's out of one meeting and on his way to another.)

I have no idea what DP would do if I ironed one of his shirts - which, in theory, I could do as I am freelance and at home a fair bit. Either assume I was having an affair or that I had a strange, personality-changing brain condition. Probably the latter.

We usually exchange texts but they tend to have a purpose (e.g. Arranging to meet after work, errands needing done etc.)

He or I will call if something can't wait or is more easily sorted with a chat. I travel a fair bit, so we sometimes have a lunchtime call on those days if we know we won't speak in the evening. Other times we'd usually call to check in is when one or other of us is sick, but again it's usually a 'how are you and do you need me to pick up more lemsip' type chat

Texts a few times a day usually. If he doesn't I know it's coz he's busy at work (so I comment when he gets home i.e. 'how are you, you had a busy day?') Sometimes he texts loads when he's bored.

He'll call if it's about something important or sometimes when he's leaving and planning to stop of and buy some food to see if I want anything.

I'm also on ML so I tend to text him quite a bit, often whatsapp him pics etc but I don't expect him to respond all the time.

We usually text somewhere in the middle of the day, just to see how each others day is going and to say roughly what time we'll be home (it varies daily for both of us).

Other than that, its just if we have something specific we need to tell each other, which is pretty rare. We'd never ring each other unless it was an emergency.

If we are busy and don't text each other its no probs at all, we just leave it that day. I would be quite annoyed if my DH got cross with me for not texting as it would only be because I was so busy at work.

Never, but then we both work, if we contact each other it's for a reason. He works in an open plan office and is rather scathing about 1 bloke there who makes cootchy coo type calls to his wife every couple of hours and puts on a wierd voice. We'll occasionally send texts. It's only a few hours, if you're at work there never seems time for phone calls, you're just bored because you are at home all day. Did he phone you before you went on maty leave? If not why should he phone just because your location has changed? It sounds as though you are ready to go back to work and have run out of things to do at home. What difference would him phoning for 2 minutes actually make? Do you need to find a gym with a creche or a mother and toddler group or something so you aren't so lonely?
I don't iron my husband's stuff, I hate ironing. I'll happily cook for him as I enjoy cooking but I'd rather clean the bathroom than iron shirts and didn't get married to become anyone's domestic servant.

Dh calls when he leaves the office- he leaves when he is at a good stopping point which could be anywhere from 5:30 to 8:30pm. The call increases his chances of having a warm dinner on the table when he gets home...He has a 45 min commute so it is a bit self-serving. The dc and I will eat no later than 7.

He learned to text last year but reserves this skill for when he is on travel and then mostly to the dc. Don't get me wrong, he is in a highly technical field but just is a dinosaur regarding social communications; he may be over saturated.

He refuses to regularly carry a phone. His work gave him one, but he is loathe to use it for personal use.
He did call me on 11 Sept 2001 to tell me to turn on the TV and let me know the office would be closing early .

DH and I both work part-time, part-time at home with toddler. I'm due to go on maternity leave with DS2 at the end of the month.

When DH is at work (me at home) he doesn't usually call me. Sometimes he'll call at lunchtime but often he's too busy. I don't call him because I know he can't really take calls.

When I am at work (DH at home) I NEVER call him except to say I'm on my way home. But he calls me a couple of times a day as I think he gets a bit lonely. I find it a bit annoying as I'm really busy at work but feel I have to answer in case it's important (except if I'm in a meeting).

We do exchange texts especially functional ones and reminders.

I think when I was on maternity leave he did make an effort to call me at lunchtime as he knew some days were quite tough. But to be honest, I don't really see why a partner should call more than that unless there's something specific going on.

Sounds like you're both tired and feeling a bit unappreciated. Maybe just cut each other a bit of slack and acknowledge that you are both tired and struggling a bit?

Rarely. We sometimes text a "hello" but frequently he doesn't reply.