How often does your DH text/call in the day?

[HeyBabyBaby]

I'm currently at home with our 10 month old baby. DH leaves at 7:00am, normally back past 7:30pm. Yesterday DH sent me at text at 5:30pm, saying he's had a busy day and didn't have a chance to call and would be home later than usual. He then calls at 7pm (I've just put baby down and in the midst of preparing our dinner) saying hi and I said I was annoyed that he'd not called during the day, even just for a couple of mins. He then said 'great, this is how the evening is going to be?', 'you're just having a go at me', then we said good bye. He got back home and then just launched into me saying how I don't understand and I was being so unreasonable, then got angry that he didn't have a shirt ironed (he normally irons his shirts and didn't do them on the weekend). I couldn't be bothered having an arguement, so went straight to bed. I worked in a busy job and am currently on mat leave, but if he was at home all day on his own looking after a baby, I would call at least once a day.

What do you think?

Never.

I can't stand calls just to 'chat'. And much as I adore DH, I don't feel the need to talk to him while he's at work. He's busy and I'm busy.

Very occasionally we'll text, if there's something that needs saying -- say if I have a dr's appointment and he wants to know how it went, or he's had an important meeting. Or if he's getting a later train or going out for a drink after work.

He calls me from outside the supermarket on the way home to find out what I feel like eating.
He emails during the day sometimes but only if he is having a slow day. I never have a slow day so my replies are perfunctory.

DH hardly ever calls from work, he certainly wouldn't call for no reason, it would be to tell me/ask me something that couldn't wait until he got home. If he does call for some important reason, then we will usually chat a bit little about our day as well, but I am aware that he is quite busy so don't tend to talk for long.
I don't like to call him myself in case he is in a meeting or something, so I usually email if I want to get hold of him, and he'll then call me back when he gets it. He usually doesn't notice for hours and hours if I send him a text (to be fair, I am the same), so I don't bother trying to text him at work

When he is away overnight, he usually phones in the evening, not during the day.

Very rarely. He's at work and busy so I don't expect him to find time to chat to me tbh.

When my DDs were young there was no such thing as mobiles so he couldn't have texted anyway.

Dh usually calls at some point in the day, but thats really because hes working either away or long hours so doesnt always see ds before he goes to bed. He`ll text or email if he has anything interesting or so he thinks to let me know, but its not compulsory, he does he doesnt iyswim.

Never unless something exciting. he texted me last night to say there was a big fire next door to his hotel and he was evacuated. I was asleep so missed joining in his drama .

Normally never text when he's around and only a late night one when he's working abroad.

So OP, your husband leaves home at 7am and doesn't get home till after 7.30pm. He sounds very busy and hard working. You're at home on maternity leave looking after your child yet you don't iron your husband's shirts for him ?!? Wow.

We have constant communication through the day, usually by phone. But then, having said that, DH is a farmer, often working on his own in a potentially dangerous environment and it's quite often to check he's OK, or for him to tell me he's finished doing something.

We also have a rule that we always answer the phone to each other, if only to say "I'll call you back" - again, it's partly a safety thing. I've just checked my phone and we've had 8 calls already today!

to answer to the question in your thread title - Only if he needs me to do something - I do some work for him sometimes. atm I am revamping his company website. He's phoned about 10 times today in relation to it and I am about ready to scream.

Other than that, rarely and never just to check in. We said bye in the morning, I know what time he leaves. it irritates me enough when he calls with lists of things I have to attend to, if he started calling to ask me how my day was going as well, I think I'd swing for him. . When he gets back, we enjoy a chat about our days.

Re your post - I think he was looking for stuff to have a fight over re the shirt.

Did you pick up the phone, hear him say hi and launch into how unfair and unreasonable he is? Because that's going to get anyone's back up, isn't it?

Maybe sit down together and explain how you're feeling and how you really feel like you need some extra support atm and how a phone call would really be appreciated?

We sometimes exchange an email or two but often he's too busy to reply to my inane waffling.
Texts and calls rarely

Usually one call a day our a text if he's busy. He really does it to keep me sane as I've given up work to care for dtds and never planned to be sahm but childcare was too much. I only get cross if he doesn't call if he's running late. When we both worked we'd go all day without talking but mat leave can be quite an isolating experience and its nice to have contact with outside world... Maybe explain that to dh.

Actually, thinking about it, if DH was to call me 3/4 times a day just for a chat I would have to tell him to stop it. It would drive me insane.
It would probably drive him mad if I phoned him for a chat during the day.

But I suppose it's different if one person wants the phone calls during the day and the other doesn't IYSWIM.

Never unless there is a problem at home. So rarely. He works across the border so we get hit with roaming charges for texts and mobile calls.

We exchange several emails a day though, and when he's having a bad day I send him a pic or two of the kids.

Haha just read comment re ironing dh's shirt... Never going to happen in this house sahm or not. I'm a rubbish wife, just as well dh loves me!

I've just checked my phone. The last time one of us phoned the other one was 2nd April

And the last text was from me to him, over a week ago, telling him I was behind the 'selfish bitch in the minibus' in the station car park because he wouldn't have been able to see my car.

Maybe we should talk more :o

As for your OP, OP, I wouldn't have a strop about DH not calling me, obviously. But I wouldn't put up with being spoken to like that, either.

And what princess said.

Never unless there's a reason

Never, unless there is something specific that needs to be discussed that can't wait a few hours til we're both home.

He tries to remember to text when he leaves work so i can work out whether to keep the boys up or start cooking for us. No guarantee though.

I have never ironed since DH tried to tell me how to do it properly. That was in 1995.

So rarely that our phone calls are actually a bit awkward, like strangers! We'll text now and again to make plans or if one or the other or ds is ill in order to check in but there's no expectations on either side. Life is stressful enough without adding more aggro!

Depends on whats your 'normal' is.

And what job you're in.

We tend to email normally rather than text/phone, sometimes just a 'Hi hows your day?' and then call to say what time we'd be home etc.

My BIL and DSis talk about at least 3-4 times a day either a call or a text the've been together over 20 years, not in the less bit needy just like each others company.

BIL was in a job where he had to take a break regularly, so I think it became a habit to get a coffee and call her/home.

Sounds like you're both feeling stressed and need to think about what the other one is doing. If he hasn't done a full 24 hours with the baby it can be easy to underestimate how bloodly tiring it is, and if you have a stressed day at work you can be blinkered and not see that you OH is tired and stressed too.

On the other hand in the current economical enviroment it can be stressful being the main wage earner.

Though the anger about the shirt wouldn't have been acceptable, he had a long weekend, he knew what he had and hadn't done.
You're not his laundry maid

Never.

It used to drive me crackers when I had tinies at home, because my days were so long and horrific, and I was so bored and fed up, and stir-crazy, cabin-bound.

Then I realised that was entirely my problem, not his, and left the house once in a while. (Every single day)

Why are you making your happiness dependent on a person at work who can do nothing about it?

Get thee out to mums and babies, mums and tots, the shops, the coffee shop, to friend's houses, anywhere you can get away with taking a 10mo, really (which is pretty much anywhere). I used to like the garden centre, because the hot house made them fall asleep. Air koshing.

Take some responsibility for your own daily routine and don't rely on him to understand how bored lonely and frustrated you are at home with a baby.

Or, find some decent childcare and go back to work, honestly. Being a sahm takes a particular type of character, and if you'd rather be working, then that's fine. Really, it is.

And if you call to pick a fight, don't be surprised if you get one. He sounds just as exhausted as you are. Neither of you are in the wrong, neither of you are in the right, but expecting him to remember to text amidst his 12 hour day even if he has nothing to say is a bit bonkers, tbh. (Understandably bonkers, because that's what happens when you do nothing but stare at your own four walls and a baby all day every day).

Go find a life. You won't rely on him nearly so much then.

katie, same here

Just listen to all you women being proud that they don't iron their husband's shirts. What the hell are you all on. If he had been at home on paternity leave and you were doing his job what would you expect out of a loving sharing relationship?

I feel sad for those of you who feel it's not up to them to help their husband out in these circumstances. I'm lucky that I have a shared partnership and neither me nor my husband would think twice about picking up the iron or anything else to help the other one out.

There's a big difference between helping your partner out and being expected to do his laundry. . .

Feel as sad for me as you want but I like the fact that my OH dosent assume that I'm there to fetch and carry for him