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Original poster

How often does your DH text/call in the day?

130 replies

HeyBabyBaby · 08/05/2013 14:56

I'm currently at home with our 10 month old baby. DH leaves at 7:00am, normally back past 7:30pm. Yesterday DH sent me at text at 5:30pm, saying he's had a busy day and didn't have a chance to call and would be home later than usual. He then calls at 7pm (I've just put baby down and in the midst of preparing our dinner) saying hi and I said I was annoyed that he'd not called during the day, even just for a couple of mins. He then said 'great, this is how the evening is going to be?', 'you're just having a go at me', then we said good bye. He got back home and then just launched into me saying how I don't understand and I was being so unreasonable, then got angry that he didn't have a shirt ironed (he normally irons his shirts and didn't do them on the weekend). I couldn't be bothered having an arguement, so went straight to bed. I worked in a busy job and am currently on mat leave, but if he was at home all day on his own looking after a baby, I would call at least once a day.

What do you think?

OP posts:
TobyLerone · 08/05/2013 15:47

So, division of housework aside, you think that the way to deal with your husband shouting at you because he hasn't done a job he usually does, is to just do what he wants?

Ihatemytoes · 08/05/2013 15:49

The OP says that her DH usually irons his own shirts, so it's as if he expects her to do it on a regular basis. What would be so wrong for her to iron him one if he hasn't got time once in a while?

Ihatemytoes · 08/05/2013 15:51

And to answer the original qusetion, when I was a SAHM my DH hardly ever called or texted me during the day.

sarahtigh · 08/05/2013 15:51

not unless a real reason;

I work 2 days a week as a dentist i do not expect to be called unless real emergency at the surgery by DH, nursery family or friends, I will gnereally answer texts at lunchtime I deliberately do not have my mobile in surgery, I reckon those that really need to find me will have the landline number of the practice

i would only msg DH if going to be more than 15-20 minutes late home I it is not a route that gets traffic so it pretty much takes the same time to the minute

i find staff that check mobiles between every patient very very annoying, I also get annoyed though try to hide it at patients that want to stop mid treatment for a chat!!!

jasonbirder · 08/05/2013 15:52

I'm obviously too needy...I'm at work...DW is at home...I probably text trivia half a dozen or more times a day...I get lonely when she doesn't reply LOL!

signet · 08/05/2013 15:53

Dh never rings me during the day. However, when I was at home with a newborn and finding it hard to adjust, he used to ring me several times a day just so I could have some adult conversation on the hard days. Some days were so difficult and just to be able to talk to him at some point in the day was what kept me going on those days.

AnyFucker · 08/05/2013 15:53

Yonli, I am not my husband's domestic slave and neither is he mine

mutual cooperation means valuing what each other does

and yes, if someone criticised my contribution on a regular basis, you betcha I would withdraw my labour

TobyLerone · 08/05/2013 15:54

Oh, jason, I'm glad I'm not married to you! That level of neediness would drive me insane.

AnyFucker · 08/05/2013 15:54

jason, they are paying you too much Smile

ItsYonliMe · 08/05/2013 15:57

Jason, your neediness (along with your constant LOL-ing) would drive me insane, even if you did iron your own shirts.

jasonbirder · 08/05/2013 15:57

If only LOL! :D

TobyLerone · 08/05/2013 15:58

Jason. LOL is not punctuation. HTH.

LlamateurDramatics · 08/05/2013 15:59

DH usually calls when he's on his lunch, to see whether there's anything I need to do, and will call/text when he's on his way home. As far as the ironing goes, I'll do his shirts if I have the time but I'm not expected to do them - DH has said before that my 'job' when I'm on mat leave or at home with the children is looking after them not ironing his clothes!

I found mat leave really difficult, especially after the first couple of months when things started getting into a bit of a routine and the sleep deprivation really kicked in. I'd been in a very responsible job and was suddenly at home feeling like I didn't know what I was doing with this tiny, precious baby and without the social contact I'd been used to. I felt very isolated so calls from DH were a bit of a lifeline during the day. I can see why you were upset when he didn't call, OP, have you talked to him about why you were upset? I know my DH can't always call when he's snowed under and I always emphasise the fact that I'm not counting on talking to him but it's lovely to hear the voice of sanity when I'm in the midst of weaning/tantrum/squabbling children hell!

KatieScarlett2833 · 08/05/2013 15:59

Oh and I don't cook either.
Bring it on Smile

AnAirOfHope · 08/05/2013 16:00

I get a ?Love you loads? txt at lunch time every day eg when he is on his lunch break.

I txt him stuff i want him to do on way home or to txt his.mum and dad.for me i have issues with inlaws

He has asked me not to txt him so much when he is at work Blush

TobyLerone · 08/05/2013 16:02

I do pretty much everything in the house. That's how it works in our house. It's a choice we're both happy with.

But if DH started shouting at me because something wasn't done, or dared to suggest that I'd done something wrong/that I should have done it different/more quickly/at all, he could go whistle.

AnyFucker · 08/05/2013 16:02

I cook

if I don't cook, I don't eat Smile

jasonbirder · 08/05/2013 16:03

Sorry...thats what happens when a midle aged guy starts dabbling in social media!

KatieScarlett2833 · 08/05/2013 16:06

My family would rather not eat my badly cooked offerings Grin
In fact, DH is a bit peeved that I am not asking for elaborate meals at the moment. I'm boring him with my daily request for chicken and salad.
I might make his day and ask for lasagne or something time consuming tonight. I'm such a good wife.

BalloonSlayer · 08/05/2013 16:06

DH never calls unless there is a reason: do I want any shopping, how is sick DC etc.

He left at 8am today and I don't expect him back till 9pm tonight. I do not expect a call.

I do sometimes feel the tiniest twinge of envy of people who get the lovey dovey calls/texts but not for long - that is not DH's style (or mine, really) so I don't care all that much.

AnAirOfHope · 08/05/2013 16:08

Im shit at being a SAHM im lucky my dh is as lazy as me and doesnt care. If i dont cook he can or have take out, he has sleeped on matrress as i hadnt dried beding/washed all of it in one good and he just steps over clothes and toys on the floor and hes good at getting rid of mold and washing his own cup out :(

housework strake would not be noticed by him

FoundAChopinLizt · 08/05/2013 16:11

We have little flurries of texts, particularly if one of us is on a train or waiting somewhere. It's good fun. He phones most days and we talk about what we've been doing and what we are planning that night.

I do iron his shirts, he does plenty for me too although we're not keeping score.

MrsHoarder · 08/05/2013 16:11

We communicate when there's something the other person should know (working outside normal hours now/planning to in the future, hire car being delivered etc).

As for domestic tasks, I'm in the house more so do the more time consuming tasks like laundry. But getting angry that shirts aren't ironed when its not usually even the OP's responsibility isn't on. He could have asked nicely I'm not allowed to iron DH's work clothes. Something about sharp creases.

VitoCorleone · 08/05/2013 16:14

Very rare he calls me when working, but he does at text every day, sometimes just to say good morning if he's on early shifts, texts to ask if im ok, sends me jokes etc

But when works really busy and i dont hear from him its no big deal.

Restorer · 08/05/2013 16:15

If DH phoned during the day, when he's supposed to be working, I would be genuinely scared something terrible had happened.

He might very occasionally text, if I've asked him to check something and he's got an answer or he might text to check if I need him to get milk on the way home.

IMO when he's a work he's working and I don't expect to hear from him.