Dating thread no 53

[Flipper924]

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;

1. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
2. It's all BS until it actually happens;
3. Trust your gut instinct;
4. If it is not fun, stop

Off we go...

Ps I am clearly white as my photos show, just to clear that up!

hi everyone. Just a quick message as I'm running out the door.

No OD dates since the one with funny teeth. There may be a couple of others in the offing but..

went out last night for an expat-group-adhoc-meetup. 15 or so of us from different countries, went and had beers, food, then ended up at a club until gone 5 in the morning. I am way too old for this.

got chatting to two girls, one Brit, one Finn. I really like the Finn, although the other is quite nice too. They are both too young for me, but I spend most of the time in the club last night chatting to Finnish. There was chemistry there but nothing happened. This evening, me, Finnish, Brit and someone else went to see a film. The someone else canceled so it was me and the two of them again. We then had a couple more beers and I asked Finnish (when Brit had gone to the loo) if she'd like to go out for a drink this week. She said 'isn't that what we're doing now?' and I said, yes, but the two of us Maybe a meal. You know. And she said, 'yes, ok'.

It's tough to work out whether she likes me or not, there did seem to be chemistry but she is too young and flighty for me. Also really lovely and funny.

Not marriage potential, but could be lots of fun to spend time with. The Brit is the same age but just much more immature. All I have to do is get rid of her somehow as she is very much an oblivious gooseberry.

Right. Off out again. cheerio. (good luck to all tonight)

A rose between two thorns Bant

Update on Dutchland, nothing. This is not looking good for whatever reason. No going to think about it tonight, I'll call him tomorrow.

Bit hmmmm about my evening round at Indie's. think I need to call it a day but don't know how.

Got there, he got me a drink and was watching something he'd recorded
Said could we carry on watching - bit taken aback but said ok. Then when that finished he put another programme on. Bit of chatting in the meantime, but nothing on a personal level at all, quite a bit of moaning about money and bills.

Got upstairs with him in the end. Sex was very good. But ... He used some odd terminology, bit crude and not in a sexy way, just teenager-ish. And he put music on, quite loud, and kept singing along, very distracting, and drumming on me (!). And the sex is very vanilla. Great a few times but I don't think he has that bit of filth in him that I really want to keep things good long term.

No compliments, nothing even vaguely romantic. Not even anything said about the sex not even "That was good". I really want these things. I want a man who will say nice things and make me feel wanted and appreciated. I want romance and the whole bloody shebang.

Now I feel bad. He is a nice man, just not for me, and I think I will upset him by finishing it. He'd texted by the time I got home and was talking about meeting again soon. So please help me, what can I say to do this as kindly as possible? I hate this so much.

WFF, I have pm'd you.

OWW, seeing as there is good stuff there amongst the not so great, would you feel comfortable having an honest conversation with him, outlining exactly what you want.

It may not work out after that, but at least you've given it a chance?

Back from my date with MrAttractive. Just, swoooooooooooon. Date 3 already arranged.

Hey I want the swooooooooon too. You lucky thing, you. I am not in swoon territory here. I just don't think he is that type.

OWW that sounds rum, to say the least. One of the reasons I stopped seeing Car man, was the sense he'd already settled into complacency - not bothering to get changed or tidy up when he knew I was coming, keeping the TV on crap, that sort of thing. But that was after three months, If Indie's like this three(?) dates in then I'm not surprised you feel like calling it a day :(

All you can do is tell him, as I did (hopefully that doesn't mean we 're both needy princesses!), that you need to feel special, that your worth making an effort for and as that's not the way he is, it's best over with.

He may reply, as Car man did, that I was right he was coma cent and he'll change. I decided it wasn't worth giving him the chance to prove himself, you might.

Any luck with babysitter for tomorrow?

Hey swoon is vair good

OWW you've given it a go, he was 'ok' at best and not for you. Even if you tell him, he will revert, you would end up feeling second best to something. I would just tell him really he's great but it's not working for you, you wish him well. Im sure you'll have a better way of putting it but the quicker the better. Call him preferably.

There's nothing needy princessy about wanting to feel like you really matter to someone. I totally agree with what you say about complacency secret. We all need that swoon factor. I would do the same as Secret did OWW, and his response will probably tell you everything you need to know.

It's only been five dates. He should be pulling all the stops out. If it were six months in and things were sliding a bit, I'd have the chat, but this is obviously who he is and what he's like and he's just not right for me.

I've never phoned him - would it be awful to do it by text?

Oops, too many typos to bother correcting, but hope you get the drift?

Hey I want some swoon too! Can't even get a message at the moment - been nothing for about a month now, if you ignore, as I do, the 'would you like a slave?' or 'lets have a fling hun'

Hi Juliette still no news from Dutchlandia?

If it's not right it's not right. Could you do it by email, so you could explain in a bit more depth?

At one point secret I was so swoony (because of deep eye gazing moment), that I went bright red and starting talking absolute nonsense. This moment seemed to last about 5 minutes! Am hoping he didn't notice . Sorry about your lack of swoonage. I think that messages do dry up after that initial interest in new blood! How about do a new profile (i.e. name and pics and everything)?

Don't apologise Hey, it's the swoons, the namelesses and maybe, hopefully, the Dutchishs, that keep me going, give me hope!

I think you're right about the profiles, have been considering it for a little while, but keep putting it off as it'll mean spending hours trying to get a single picture that isn't me channelling the 20-stone Russian baboushka that appears whenever a camera comes near me

Western I think at this stage ending it by text is acceptable. Is it worth continuing? - given that you're looking for a relationship, I'd say no. I'm sure Indie is nice enough, but I don't really think he's what you're looking for. He is obviously not someone who gives compliments, and I think if that grates now, after a few months it would be really irritating. Plus the TV watching. And the sex not being quite right either.

So text him, along the lines of he's a lovely guy, but...you don't quite feel the chemistry is there, and you think it best to call it a day? Something along those lines, I'm sure you could probably word it better.

Hey glad to hear your date went so well! Swooning is good. I still get a bit swoony when C does things like kiss my hand

WFF hope all is ok and you managed to get some advice. And Juliette hope the morning brings some email news. Fingers crossed!

WWF I have the hell and back teenage T-shirt.

It is fucking hard. It does pass.

wff hopefully you got the advice you need

juliette hopefully you'll heat from Dutch today

I had a fantastic night with Rocky .. He is into tantric sex .. I've never experienced anything like it!! OMG!! (Didn't quite manage Dr Zhivago though) Seeing him again next Sunday as I have my DD all week and then he's away climbing Saturday into Sunday

I am going to text Indie tonight, don't think it would be right to do it whilst he is at work. I can see it would really quickly get into a routine of sitting on the settee watching a bit of telly, bit of very straight sex, not much going out (he was mentioning how expensive drinks were the other day, I have been paying for half plus my babysitter so it is not that bad, and he has a decent job). I don't want that. I want much, much more out of a relationship especially in the early days. There was some other stuff as well, some jokes I found a bit off, it's just not there for me with him. He's sent me a nice text again this morning though and I am going to feel really, really shit about this.

Juliette everything crossed for you. I'm sure it will be fine and there will be a proper explanation.

hi ladies, quick update. been chatting to a couple of guys on pof for a few days, none of us has mentioned anything further yet. there are one or two that i rather like talking too and they seem lovely. what would be the next thing to do and at what stage do i accept that if they were going to ask me out they would have done it by now (not an issue yet as only days in, but for future ref)

OWW, a text when he is at home is perfectly acceptable way to end things at this early stage. I would say something along the lines of you being incompatible.

I don't like meanness in a man, moaning about the price of everything. My current has always been generous and I often say lets just stay in. We very rarely watch TV or films together at home, I don't like going to the flicks. We chat and have a laugh and it's been going on a while.

OWW it's no one's fault, this evening, text along the lines of what Velvet said.

Kirsty I'm almost afraid to ask

Dutch managed an email this morning. He seems oblivious and I'm not ok with this. There were clearly problems with his DS over the weekend, he had mentioned it in the mail on Friday and it involved him knowing about me as a by product of me asking for a favour. It was bad enough for Dutch to speak to his ex to work out how to handle it (no problem here, they are solid on the DC).

This is his first mail since Friday, he could have been away with DS until yesterday but how the fuck would I know. There was an apology for not being able to do the favour but nothing about not being in touch. I don't know how much that had to do with his DS but he should be able to do more than one thing at once. If he can't then that is worrying. So, I will write back to him either tonight or tomorrow morning and say wtf don't even think about doing that again sorry his DS played up, I understand, I was wondering what happened.

I have to be careful here as I don't want to put myself on the backfoot by pushing him into a corner but I do want to set out my stall. Any advice on how to play this and how to word it more diplomatically than I would please?

I had an interesting conversation with a guy last night. I went to this bar with Finnish and English, and a friend of Finnish turned up. Another Brit who's been living over here for a couple of years. Bit of a cocky arrogant type, devastatingly good looking so obviously I disliked him to begin with :)

But when we talked about his job it was the weirdest thing. He is a chat-up coach. His company charge men several hundred Euros for a one or two day course on how to chat up women. They get customers from all over and coach them on how to approach, chat to and ideally get women into bed.

He was saying he has two general approaches. One is to approach women who are obviously looking to meet someone (the example he gave was when he pointed out two girls having a drink together in the smoking section but not smoking at 3am in a nightclub, obviously wanting to be chatted up) then he would approach them and say something arrogantly insulting. This would break the ice and start a conversation, albeit with the target being annoyed by him. Then he would retract what he said, tone it down and be much more charming. At this point they're hooked. Apparently.

The other approach he didn't get to explain to me because I was pointing out what a dick he looked like. He said he was a dick that got lots of sex. I said I wasn't a dick but got lots of sex. And probably not all with drunken women with self-esteem issues. The conversation went downhill from there.

But he also said when he coached men, they were generally very shy. Not making eye contact, being incredibly apologetic when in a conversation with anyone. He took one Swedish guy out on the streets of the city during the day and it took him 3 hours to encourage the guy to ask a random man for the time. After several days of coaching the Swede was still too shy to talk to women - even when introduced and sat next to them.

No particular point to this story, I just thought it may be of interest to see it from the Man's point of view. Chatting up women in a public place can be really terrifying. Unless you're an arsehole.