Dp says his disposable income is too low!

[mousiemousie]

Dp and I have average paid jobs; I work 23 hours a week, he is full time.

From his wages he keeps approx £450 per month to spend purely on himself and feels extremely hard done by that it is not more. I think this is not bad for someone with a mortgage and a young child and can't think that there are too many fathers who have much more than this as "pocket money". Who is right?!!

A big thanks again to all who have posted - you have all been so generous with your advice and support, weirdly more so than my RL support network - sometimes the people closest to you aren't best situated to help - so I am deeply grateful for all the kind words and quite humbled by how generous people can be to virtual strangers.

Hoopoe the strategies you suggested are not things I would have come up with myself and I think I can make some use of this advice - thanks for helping me .

Bloodynora I appreciate that you have gone to the trouble of changing your ID to share the view from a different financial perspective - that is fascinating and quite enlightening - thank you .

I had an important meeting with our director at work today, things are much clearer to me now, and there is now a chance that things may even work out in my current job. If they don't then I feel much happier about the prospect of carrying on in my job (without the daily tears!) for a little while until I find something better to go to.

I think I have suddenly regained some spare energy for the first time since pregnancy - and my dd is 6 now! - and I am desperate to contribute more to the world with it - but this energy is throwing up all the problems I have papered over for so long. Almost as if I need to sort myself out to be able to contribute to the wider world, like it or not.

Mousie, was thinking about you earlier today. I'm glad the meeting at work gave you a more positive spin on things.

As I said in an earlier post, your well-being is paramount. As you say, you need to sort yourself out before you can take on the rest of the world!

Please think about going to Relate, even if you go alone - and even if you can't get an appointment for several months.

best wishes to you and your dd

Mercy - thank you. You are right, I will contact relate - I didn't realise that I could go alone until you said - and then I thought the wait would be too long - but realistically, things probably won't get solved overnight, and if everything is back on track by the time the appointment comes up, then I can always let someone else take the appointment!

I may even consider paying for some counselling which might be more immediate. You're such an angel - can't believe you were thinking of me today . Maybe sometime I can repay the debt, don't forget.

Once our mortgage and bills are paid, we have £600 to live off for food, clothing, shoes, outings, birthdays, haircuts, car tax, petrol etc for DH, me and 3 kids. We get no 'pocket money'. So if your DP feels disgruntled then he can come and do a swap with us!

earthtomummy I haven't worked out how to reality check dp - but the feedback here certainly seems of one mind!

Can't make up my mind here if your DH is 'a thing of beauty and a boy forever' or maybe ...a bit Aspergery? Think about it: not keen on change, hell-bent on pursuing his own interests, totally unable to see other person's point of view, consuming interests(they must be all-consuming if he's spending all that money on them): computers and playing games.
Just a thought.
I do feel for you on the job issue, having been in a similar situation. I bit the bullet and left for another job which was less well paid and involved a long commute but have never regretted it. The thing is, if you don't feel valued now, you will lack confidence for moving - a kind of 'who would want me?' set in with me. I got out just in time! A book which helped me was: 'Who Moved my Cheese? - an Amazing Way to Deal With Change in Your Work and in Your Life' by Spencer Johnson.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you and DD all the best.

Have only skimmed through this thread so sorry if repeating wha's already been said

He is supposed to be your 'partner' in life so why is he only bothered about himself? Can't he see the wider implications and knock on effects of you being stuck in a job you hate?

My ex earned over twice as much as me but we still went 50/50 on all the bills. I couldn't believe it when he seriously suggested that I should pay more towards the bills because I spent more time in the house than him as I worked reduced hours to pick ds1 up from school! SO glad he is now ex! And he was well into computers as well!!

I think men are very selfish when it comes to money, as long as they get their toys that's all they care about. Do you get money to spend soley on your own self too?

Yes Firefly, in fairness dp does not criticise me for spending money on myself.