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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partners leaving me in the morning

61 replies

VitoCorleone · 03/05/2013 22:39

We've been agruing for weeks and tonight he told me he cant take it anymore, says im clingy and controlling and he doesnt want to be with me anymore, doesnt want to waste any more of his life with me, and he's leaving.

Im sat in bed crying. He's downstairs.

OP posts:
CaptainSweatPants · 03/05/2013 22:42
Sad

If you've been arguing for weeks might it be a good thing though

ImperialBlether · 03/05/2013 22:43

How long have you been together? Do you have children together?

WishIdbeenatigermum · 03/05/2013 22:44

Weeks is too short. Do you think he honestly thinks you're controlling, or does he just not like being told what to do? What else is going on in your lives?

MaryRobinson · 03/05/2013 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 03/05/2013 22:45

He says he's been thinking about it all week but didnt want to end it til after the holiday abroad we have booked, then said that he wasnt intending on getting drunk and telling me the truth.

I can hear him on the phone downstairs booking a hotel.

OP posts:
Original poster
VitoCorleone · 03/05/2013 22:47

Been together 5 years, 2 kids together. I have social anxiety disorder so have, in truth, been clingy. We've been on shaky ground for the past 2 year to be honest

OP posts:
Lweji · 03/05/2013 22:50

I went to check your previous threads because your nickname rang a bell.

From experience, living with someone with anxiety issues is not easy at all.

Have you managed to find therapy? Are the meds working at all? They can be hell, particularly if not taken regularly.

Perhaps him taking some time away is the best for you two, but he shouldn't be leaving you "holding the baby".

Perhaps you could go for couple's counselling, or he could try and find some support too?

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 03/05/2013 23:00

Im still on the meds and feel slightly better but im still waiting to see a therapist.

I just went downstairs to have a fag out the back door and he didnt speak to me or look at me and i just thought "why am i crying over somebody who's just told me he doesnt want me" i feel hurt, upset and angry.

He's just sent me a text from downstairs saying sorry for saying he didnt love me anymore, because he does but cant carry on like this anymore.

Thats it over

OP posts:
Lweji · 03/05/2013 23:07

Have you been able to talk to him about your relationship and your feelings?

He doesn't seem very caring, but it's not possible to evaluate without having witnessed your relationship.

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 03/05/2013 23:08

My 2 best friends are coming over tomorrow once he's gone

OP posts:
Skinnywhippet · 03/05/2013 23:08

No I don't think it is over.

Skinnywhippet · 03/05/2013 23:09

What does an anxiety disorder mean In practical terms?

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 03/05/2013 23:12

He isnt very caring really, often giving me "home truths" about myself, that im a loner, have no life, im miserable, that he's mr perfect and i do everything wrong.

I think he knows my MN nickname but in all honesty i dont give a fuck if he reads this, he's been a coldhearted bastard with me tonight. In vino veritas and all that

OP posts:
ElectricSheep · 03/05/2013 23:13

Don't panic OP. He obviously needs a break but it may not be final. He obviously still cares for you a lot to send that text.

It may be that you need to use this time apart to get yourself on an even keel and your anxiety under control. This may turn out to be a good thing that moves you forward. In the meantime this weekend try to be kind to yourself and do something that will help you feel better in the short-term, like planning a few nice treats for yourself and DC.

Have you got some rl support you can call on as well as mn?

Lweji · 03/05/2013 23:14

Does he still do it after knowing about the disgnosis?

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 03/05/2013 23:15

It is over. He's had enough for the last 2 years, he's nearling 30 now and feels he's wasting his life with me. Well he can fuck off.

Social Anxiety, basically i get really anxious in social situations, so going out for meals etc sets me off, i still do it but it makes me anxious, and i just hate going anywhere, so yes i have been clingy with him, i admit it :( but its definatley over, trust me.

OP posts:
Triumphoveradversity · 03/05/2013 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 03/05/2013 23:18

Yep ive been told just this week that im a loner and have no life. Its definatley over, we've split up in the past a couple of times and we said that next time it would be final.

In the past its me who ended it, now he's ended it i know for sure, 100% its over for good.

OP posts:
ElectricSheep · 03/05/2013 23:19

Sure you are right TRiumph. It must be hard to live with for both of you OP. But criticism and moodiness can be very stressful and draining and won't help anyone's mental state.

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 03/05/2013 23:19

Triumph - no doubt about it, my feelings of not being normal werent exactly helped by his picking at my personality

OP posts:
ElectricSheep · 03/05/2013 23:20

How about getting out of the house this weekend OP? Could you stay with anyone for a couple of nights to get support and a bit of distance and rest?

Fairylea · 03/05/2013 23:23

This might sound odd but maybe him leaving is for the best. Does it matter if you don't like going out for meals or are a bit of a loner? If that's how you are and you're getting help for the general anxiety then that's fine. He has no right to make you feel bad about.that.

I am a loner. I don't have or want real life friends. I enjoy my own space or time with dc and dh and that's it. I don't like going out except with dc locally to the park etc.

I think your dh is dragging you down.

You need to be with someone who accepts you for you.. not have to bend to suit someone else.

Lweji · 03/05/2013 23:23

So sorry, it does sound bad.

Eletric has a good point, if you manage it.
You may find yourself better without him.

olgaga · 03/05/2013 23:26

I wouldn't be surprised if, when you get over this shock, you start to feel a hell of a lot better about yourself.

Sounds you've been dragged down by him and it's probably for the best.

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 03/05/2013 23:28

I was supposed to be meeting my 2 friends, but ive just text them and they're just going to come here instead.

I suppose my issues stopped him having a life, i have a thread here somewhere about how id turned into a jealous insecure monster, paranoid he would fuck off with somebody more 'normal' somebody who was outgoing and sociable like him.

Ive stopped crying at least, but dying for a fag (smoke a lot when im stressed) but cant go for one coz he's asleep downstairs and i dont smoke in the house :(

OP posts:
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