Partners leaving me in the morning

[VitoCorleone]

We've been agruing for weeks and tonight he told me he cant take it anymore, says im clingy and controlling and he doesnt want to be with me anymore, doesnt want to waste any more of his life with me, and he's leaving.

Im sat in bed crying. He's downstairs.

[FrequentFlyerRandomDent]

Hello Vito. I posed on your thread in chat and spotted this.

Here are some and ((((hugs)))).

It is a horrible situation but I second olgaga in thinking that once you are out of this, you may start to feel much better.

I must say that I think that you are much stronger that you give yourself credit for. Just setting up your business takes guts.

[Lweji]

Yes, but first you have to get out there and get the clients.
Getting out and about now will give practice to actually talk confidently to prospective clients.
Be proactive and try to get a grip on delaying tactics.
How long have you been setting up your business for?

[VitoCorleone]

I decided to set it up last month, as i think getting a job will help me but because of my partners shifts it would be hard to get hours that suited us as i would have to put our youngest in childcare and oldest too as he's only part time at nursary.

So i thought it would be better to be my own boss and i actually enjoy cleaning.

Ive had flyers and a website made up and have put flyers out, im also paying for an ad on yell.com which should go live this month when they get the first payment and bump me to the top.

Despite my anxiety i have big ambitions and one day hope to have a big cleaning company with employees

Dp keeps sayinf how sorry he is for last night, that its made him realise what he almost lost, that we really have a good life together when we are not arguing and that he'd never find anyone better than me. He's very sincere.

[VitoCorleone]

Oh but people are obviously seeing my advert because ive just had a letter and cv in the post from somebody looking for a job.

[FrequentFlyerRandomDent]

Just caught up with your thread here.

Do make sure you both address your so called shortcomings.

Being dangled like a yoyo, I am leaving you / I am not leaving you, is soul destroying. Well it would be for me.

[superstarheartbreaker]

Well I'm not surprised you are anxious with his put downs. Loner? Really? This dosn't have anything to do with him does it?

[FrequentFlyerRandomDent]

Btw I mean he must address his shortcomings, not both of you addressing your only... Putting you down is not on.

[VitoCorleone]

Well hopefully we can start to work on our relationship now, we both want to make it work. We're getting out on sunday night to see a comedian, so looking forward to that, we dont get much 'couple time' away from the kids, and im not into nights out on the town or anything like that. He's suggested once a month we try and have a child free night if we can get a babysitter and just spend more quality time together

[RandomMess]

Please please book and go and see a good relationship counsellor it sounds like you both need a safe environment to be open and honest about how you feel about the situation and unlearn bad habits.

[Lweji]

That's good Vito.

Have you looked at transactional analysis? You and your H could read a book together. It helps to make us understand the roles we take when dealing with other people. Sometimes we get stuck in the same roles, and changing the way we talk can help bring those relationships to "adult" status. Where we don't put people down, for example, but don't take the "child" role either.
Check en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transactional_analysis. I got a book about it from my local library.

It has surprisingly helped me deal with my mother for example.

But however you deal with the problems in your marriage, as well as your personal issues, it should be something you do together. He has to take an active role, including in dealing with his attitude towards you.

BTW, it's a good thing you are ambitious. And good luck with your business. It may take a while to pick up, and now it's not the greatest of times, but do stick to it. :)
Sadly ex was basically just lazy and a twat. :(

[VitoCorleone]

Good link Lweji interesring reading. One sentance on there stuck out to me

people decide their story and destiny, therefor these decisions can be changed

Dont know why but reading that felt positive.