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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Whacking The Wine Witch Round The Chops (With Barry The Squid).

999 replies

Mouseface · 01/05/2013 17:32

Hello, I'm Mouse :)

I'm one of the Brave Babes who's travelling on this wonderful, magical, mysterious Bus, trying to hold onto my sobriety for me, and for my family.

I do drink but thanks to this Bus, I've kicked the vodka addiction into touch and the evil WineWitch has been banished far, far away so I now drink in a controlled manner, One Day At A Time. :)

By that, I mean that just for today, I won't be drinking. Tomorrow, however, I will be because it's a very special occasion. The day after will be dealt with when I wake, and the day after that, the day after etc.....

We're a Bus filled with some fantastic posters, some who drink, some who don't touch a drop ever and some who are on/off drinkers who have lovely warm seats in the side-car, some are hanging onto the roof-rack by the tips of their fingers and trying their best to resist the dreaded WineWitch's charms night after night. But they are trying, and that's all that any of us can do, is keep trying, keep starting again!

So, if you think that you're drinking too much (you probably are) why not come and say hi? We won't bite - unless you ask very nicely, manners cost nothing Wink.

There's lots of seats so pick whichever one you like and have a Brew. Just jump in, we're not a judgemental pack of quiche makers Wink

And here's a bit of light reading for you.... our latest thread and the very first one, the reason we're all here.

PREVIOUS THREAD

FIRST EVER THREAD

OP posts:
venusandmars · 23/05/2013 12:24

It would be nice if there were simple answers to how to keep up with everyone on here, or how to keep track of who has posted what, and when.

But there's no answer that is going to be right for everyone. I liked the idea of a list (and added my details to it). But then I also have moments of worry and paranoia that someone in RL could find me, know who I am and find everything I've ever posted. So I completely understand both sets of feelings.

There are times when I have sat down with paper and pencil and noted down who has said what, and tried to reply, but fucking hell, most of the time I've got my own life to get on with and my own struggles to deal with (some of which I post about and some of which I don't - mostly related to the fear of being identified in RL). So often I just respond to a post (or sometimes a few related posts) on a topic where I have a strong opinion. And I trust that in the grand scheme of things other people will respond to different posts and topics - ones that I have no interest like shoes, or exercise.

I've spent far too much of my life feeling responsible for keeping other people happy. On here (at least) I'm responsible for myself and my own sobriety. That's it. If what I posts helps other people sometimes that's wonderful, but to be honest I post when posting to someone else is also of help to me. Selfish? Yes, but then that's one of the traits of my alcoholic personality.

I think I'm well known on here because I've posted often for a long, long time. But I've never been part of an 'in-crowd' in RL. I think of myself as mediocre, mousey hair, small stature but not intriguingly petite, socially shy (hence the drinking). The only interest I have in squid is as a great source of vitamin B - four times more B6 than chicken, and 40% of RDA of B12.

And now I've wasted far to much time feeling pissed off about this thread. I'm off to the hospital to visit my dying mother. And no, I've not name-checked people.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/05/2013 12:32

Sorry to hear that about your mum, venus. I'd missed that ... and people do miss things on here, it's inevitable.

aliasjoey · 23/05/2013 12:34

full did you manage to contact the support service (if your Trust has one) if not, I think there is a national NHS staff support

theala thanks for asking, I'm in a bit of a state because - this sounds stupid, why should I be embarrassed - I think I've got perimenopause. Maybe even that is what has been causing the insomnia for the last 18 months. About 6 months ago I got hot flushes, several times a day for a couple of weeks. I was a bit Hmm but then they went away.

Now they've come back, I've googled and unless its a very rare disease then 99% chance its that. [Have been on implant, so no periods anyway] It's a bit of a shock, sorry I don't mean that to sound as though it's a dreadful Curse! I've been dwelling on it all morning, trying to stay positive - it's not the end of the world FFS! I shouldn't be upset, but feel a bit stunned.

Moving on, chin up, 'gracefully surrendering the things of youth'

Anyway, how are you doing? Are those ADs kicking in yet?

Lemonylemon · 23/05/2013 12:39

venus so sorry to hear about your mum. {HUG}

Theala · 23/05/2013 12:47

very sorry about your mother venus

alias you have no reason at all to feel embarrassed. as someone said upthread, we're all going to go through it at some stage. I can see why it would freak you out a bit though. have you been to your doctor about it? I know the last pill I was on (Qlaira - I don't know if you have that in the UK yet) was also recommened for peri/menopausal women as it had a positive affect on hormones. Maybe worth going to the doc to talk over your options?

I don't know if the citalopram has started kicking in yet, but the xanax is working a treat. Grin I'm feeling a lot calmer than I was 10 days ago and the WW has become easy to ignore most of the time. I haven't suddenly become a motivated worker, though, much to my disappointment...hence me posting here a fair bit these last few days. Grin

Mintyy · 23/05/2013 14:00

Hello everyone, its just taken me the 30 minutes I'm allowing myself on Mumsnet today to read back through the past few days posts. Sorry but there's no way I'm namechecking you all! And anyway, most of you have no idea who I am because I lurk and post very infrequently.

I just feel we are all rather fragile and bit needy. If we were great we wouldn't be here. But just the very act of getting on board and posting is what should be helping us, not necessarily the replies we get.
In AA you share (I know this from the groups for families of alcoholics), you don't discuss. It is the sharing that cures you. Obviously I know not all of us like AA or the idea of AA.

But I would just say Faire that I have addressed two posts directly to you in the past few days and you have ignored meeeeeeeeeee!

Mintyy · 23/05/2013 14:01

But of course I should say that thoughts are with Venus and her mum.

guggenheim · 23/05/2013 14:29

Hiya,

venus thank you for your post and I hope you get to spend some good quality time with your mum for however long she has left.

I really agree with mintyy's post that it is sharing that helps us and hopefully helps us to stay sober. I use this thread for that purpose all the time, I sort of assume that someone is listening because generally speaking, someone more sober than me will come along and share some wisdom. I also agree with the poster who pointed out that we are all in this together Flowers

curry I love your posts and would like you to stay. Why not keep posting about the crisis you are going through rather than leaving? x

The squid jokes are probably wearing a bit thin now and I can see how it is off putting for newcomers.

Please can all babes keep posting and sharing. You may well plant the seed that makes someone put their sobriety first. I can't remember who it was that I really paid attention to and decided to lay off the sauce,probably reading everyone's posts over a long period of time.

Shaky · 23/05/2013 15:19

Getting on ok today. This is the first time I have sat down.

Woke up well, feeling positive. The health visitor is visiting today, the GP asked her to. I have cleaned the house, mopped and brushed the floors, had a nice, long bath, been to the supermarket (did not buy wine!), have made a chocolate cake (just need to ice it) and there is bolognaise simmering away in the slow cooker. A very productive day 3 so far.

Dreading tonight as dp goes out to his quiz at 9pm. This is a time when I probably drink more because he isn't here, I usually sit in the lounge and drink wine.

Tonight however, I shall take my laptop up to the bedroom and watch a film on Love Film and NOT drink wine.

Mouseface · 23/05/2013 15:29

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

I'm upset to read that regular, non-regular, newer, older, whatever, posters feel that they are not being supported enough on this thread currently, that there are posters on here who get 'upset' if they don't get name checked every time they post and that some of you feel that your advice, asked for or not, is ignored, so why should you bother?

You should bother because you wanted to. You should bother and you should definitely post how you feel because it helps you to let it out and it ALWAYS helps one of us because we might feel that way too, or even a lurker!

Someone, who is just too bloody scared to post might read about your day, your worries and your fears and think "Thank God, it's not just me.... I'm not alone" YOU COULD HELP!

You could be the one to save that person from picking up, drinking more or doing something that they'd regret the next day........

Who knows, that person might even pick up the phone and seek real life help. As a matter of fact, I know that has actually happened because I've had PMs telling me so :)

This bus is for EVERYONE AND ANYONE, no matter what some of you might think just now. Yes, some of us have been here from the start of the journey, some of us have dipped in and out, and yes, some of us are in contact with each other in real life, yes, some of us have met and continue to do so.

That doesn't make any of us more or less important or in need of support than a newer poster does it?

There may be a group of posters who know each other 'better' because they talk more, there are no rules to say that can't happen, this is a public, open forum for anyone to join at any time.

Clearly there are some here who don't feel supported at all just now, and that upsets me a hell out of me because I have spent a lot of time trying to keep these journeys going, thread after thread.

Not for me, not for any "Thanks Mouse". I do it for YOU. ALL OF YOU. AND ME. To remind me how much I value my own life sober. How close JWN came to losing the most important things in her life and how she kicked the WW* in the face so many times, she put up such a fight and won. Okay, so she had a slight slip up, so what?

She came back to the place that she knew she wouldn't be judged or told she was a fuck up, or frowned upon for it happening. She came back here for SUPPORT. And she got it.

Okay so not everyone gets spotted right away or get responses right away, yes posters get missed, that's just how it is. It's busy sometimes and sometimes there's a poster in need that little bit more, you all know that.

All of the people, real people, out there who need a thread like this to post about how they are feeling about their drinking, about their alcohol consumption, come here because they hope to find help and support and in the most part, I personally believe that they get it.

These threads are for those who are shit scared their marriage is falling apart because they have no way of telling their husband/wife/partner about their drinking. They hide things, they lie, but these threads are a place where they, you, can come to share those worries, share those fears, share that deep seated, gut wrenching knowledge that you have to stop drinking how you are or you will lose something, everything, even your life?

It's not all about alcohol, no it's not all about addiction but it is all about LIFE, REAL, HARD, FUCKING LIFE.

DAY. AFTER. DAY.

This Bus, this thread has ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT SUPPORT FOR ALCOHOLIC/DEPENDANT PEOPLE, ALWAYS! But in time, its evolved into a place where people come more than once to say hello to each other.

Reading some of the posts over the last few pages have shocked and upset me.

No-one wants to see people worry about losing their homes again, or their jobs or their family, or their mothers! venus's mum is dying FFS, she's not here complaining that no-one is replying to her posts, but she's still supporting everyone else.

THIS IS A SUPPORT THREAD. And as such, if you feel unsupported, I'd like to know, I'd like to understand why you feel that way. Or at least be given the chance to try to. If you are feeling left out, then say, say why.

This thread has a lot of posters on here at times and we're all in need of the same thing, a helping hand and a pair of ears to listen, somewhere to offload.

A little voice to say it's going to be okay but drinking's not the answer, tell me about your day...............

We all know that anyway, drinking just makes things worse but ideas of how we can stop the drinking, change our habits, change our mind sets, that kind of support is invaluable to me and what these threads have always been about.

This thread has saved me from losing my son, my husband and my daughter at times when I've wanted to get shit faced, really, utterly shit faced and just zoned out.

I've come here and read about someone else's life, someone else's troubles and tried to help them by replying if I knew what they were in need of. Or not. I've just read and that alone has slapped Barry around my chops.

We can't all fix each other, we don't all know the answers, or have the magic wands.

Yes, I come on here and moan on and on and on about my shitty days, life with my disabled son and my bloody pain etc, same old Mouse, always moaning on about the same old shit.

But it helps me to NOT PICK UP. And, as I have said before, this is a support thread for those who use alcohol to support themselves and would rather not, even if it's for just one day.

Look how many Babes have gotten sober. Those who come back and say "remember me?" Grin

I do, I do remember those posters. I remember the lowest of the low points that they hit, how they took control and how they did it.

There are some posters who will never stop drinking because actually, they don't want to, not just yet, not 100% or maybe they just want to cut down...... who knows, only they can do what is best, or right by them and that's their choice.

This thread, these threads will remain for as long as there is someone who wants to post on them. And, if that is only me, then so be it. I'll keep posting because it matters. This Bus matters.

I need this place.

OP posts:
Mouseface · 23/05/2013 15:38

venus - sweetheart, I am praying that your mum is as okay as she can be and I hope you realise you can get in touch if you want to. Sending you love xx

Curry - I'm sorry life is so shitty for you just now. I never want a poster to leave. I can't help your rl situation but I can listen if you need to offload, any of us can.

Shaky - when the WW comes a knocking, why not pop in here and see if you can get through it by just talking about how you feel? It's good that you feel positive but no projecting!

Worry about tonight, tonight, ok? :) xx

LRD - no one is worried about Nemo's lisp at school, his teacher is worried full stop about the transition, she's never had a Nemo before so I think she just wants to try and make sure she has everything in place. Sorry to confuse you.

Joey - will PM you my symptoms now xx

Be back later, Toy Story 3 and giant chocolate buttons are required :) xx

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/05/2013 15:40

I am not sure how to say this, but I need to say it.

I am really concerned that this thread shouldn't come to be about who is having the hardest time and who is giving the most support. I really hope that doesn't sound ungrateful, because anyone who looks at my posts can see I am very, very fortunate in my life compared to some of the wonderful people on this thread, and I have had a huge amount of support on here long before I had any idea how to give anything back.

I still feel bad that MIFLAW doesn't seem to be around any more and I'm not sure he knows how much I feel grateful for his posts when I was angry and scared and busy telling him how wrong he was.

I know some posters have a really horrible deal in life and I am always in awe of how you particularly, mouse just get on with stuff and how you're pretty cheerful almost all of the time when lots of people would be raging at anyone who'd listen.

But that said, if someone's upset ... can we not just accept they are upset? And not need to start theorizing about what kind of a space this is and who has the most right to be upset, and how everyone else manages differently?

I don't mean we need to change the thread to suit everyone, that would be impossible. But I wonder if maybe we could just carry on as normal, let people come and go if they need to, instead of getting into justifying why this thread works a particular way?

I hope that doesn't offend anyone and if it does, I'm sorry, and I do fully acknowledge I am an occasional poster so don't have the stake in this that others do. I'm just trying to call it how I see it.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/05/2013 15:41

Cross-post - I follow you mouse, I misread before. I hope her worry translates well into support for him.

Theala · 23/05/2013 16:00

Shaky, I've been watching a lot of films the last two weeks too. Especially crap that DP would not want to watch with me. I've also been going to bed early with a mug or decaf or hot chocolate and snuggled down to read. It's been a while since I've spent whole hours just reading and it's lovely.

And as Mouse says, if you feel the WW sneaking around, just come on here and post until she realises she's not wanted.

Mouseface · 23/05/2013 16:05

LRD - I'm sorry, and I do fully acknowledge I am an occasional poster so don't have the stake in this that others do. I'm just trying to call it how I see it.

THAT'S MY BLOOMIN POINT!!! Grin

YOU have as much right to post what you want to on here as often as you want to on here. The thread is for everyone and anyone! Always has been and it always will be, otherwise there really is no point is there?

OP posts:
obrigada · 23/05/2013 16:09

It has taken me most of the day to catch up with thread; it's certainly been busy with a mix of emotions and thoughts. I, for one, love this thread, I lurk more than I post, I drink more than I should; once I take that first drink!

Mouseface · 23/05/2013 16:17

Dance away! Dance away! Grin

I do that too, go to bed early to resist the urge, and watch stuff on the iPad. DH will sit up drinking and watching something to wind down after a long day, I'll go to bed and read, stick the iPad on, or like now when Nemo is poorly, I'll be with him.

We all need to find what works for us but by posting our routines, what works for us etc, it just might help someone else.

OP posts:
aliasjoey · 23/05/2013 16:42

That's a great plan for tonight shaky

LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/05/2013 16:42

Sorry, mouse. Blush

Isindebusagain · 23/05/2013 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aliasjoey · 23/05/2013 16:51

Epic post mouse... I don't know where you get the energy to be so wise wise and caring all the time!

Mouseface · 23/05/2013 17:12

IsinDe - I love that poem and yes, we are in need of something xx

Joey - Sorry Blush it was an epic post, it kinda just all came out once I started, thank you for reading it. xx

LRD - we are all equal on here, there is no boss, no-one in charge, this thread is for everyone to talk about whatever they want to, the thing that draws most of us here though, is alcohol isn't it? :) xx

OP posts:
Isindebusagain · 23/05/2013 18:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mintyy · 23/05/2013 18:37

You are a treasure Mouse Flowers.

guggenheim · 23/05/2013 18:45

isinde I love the 'Wild Geese' poem, just that first line about not having to be good is a relief to hear Smile

mouse Flowers and cheers Smile

'Lo there joey

Less poetry is occurring in my household; I'm reading 'Mr Poo goes to Pooland' to ds. Sigh.