DH said, DH left, waves is still being sick but into the third timester

[wavesandsmiles]

I haven't been around here for a while, as I was worried that twunt was reading MN to find out what my thoughts/plans were. He may very well still be doing that, but he's gone now, and my new mission is to reach out for as much support as possible (trying to see it as a sign of strength to ask for help rather than a sign of failure), so here I am.

Back in January DH (hitherto referred to as twunt), told me I had to fix the marriage etc, then within days I found out he'd been texting OW to say our marriage was over, researching late abortions etc. This was when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant, and still have hyperemesis, necessitating almost daily visits to hospital for IV meds and fluids. Twunt left just over a month ago, and I now have lodgers in, which is helping with the mortgage.

I'm trying to be strong for my DCs, but at times it all gets rather overwhelming....especially as it is not really that long to go until my little acrobat makes an appearance. Before then I am on a twunt detox, and am trying to have no contact with him whatsoever. My DCs are being very good (most of the time), despite having to cope with their step dad (who planned to adopt them) just disappearing, and me being so ill all the time. But it is obviously challenging for them.

Terrified of the summer when acrobat arrives and the inevitably of facing up to a form of contact with the utter shite who left me in this predicament - our baby was wanted, and planned for. Lots of other practicalities to consider too, and considering investing in a diary so that I can put things onto paper rather than leave things spinning around in my head....

Anyway, I'm back, and hoping that there will be some virtual hands to hold as I continue to battle the hyperemesis, hormones and general challenges of the final trimester, and the impact of the not so "D" H's departure.

Aww waves {hug} as if you haven't got enough to think about/deal with. Could be a blessing though, as others have said.

Sorry about the redundancy, but it may well work out for the best for you and give you some breathing space to plan/relocate/recover, since your settlement is good.

I'm sure it's a shock though, nevertheless, and you will need time to absorb and process the information and the implications of it.

Great news about your newest lodgers, and how lovely of them to be so helpful.

Oh waves. That must have been rather a shock. How are you feeling about it now?

Im sorry about redundancy waves - but you can use this to your advantage. Of course seek advice, maybe it is time to relocate once acrobat is born. Sell house and get to Scotland, where you will get plenty for your money.

I know it must seem like one more thing to work out, but try to look at this as a positive.

It does feel a bit like I am in a storm, but very much hanging onto the positives, not least seeing this latest thing as an opportunity to have a very good think about my options for the future. I have done my sums, and at the least I can clear a fair amount of debt (which will obviously reduce monthly outgoings), and still be ok for 7 months, so there is certainly time to consider all the options.

I have also done my usual stress reaction trick and moved a lot of furniture around

Heading to bed soon, my brain is tired, and my body is tired and I think that sleep is the thing I need most.

Hope you're in bed and sleeping easy now Waves - I think looking at it as an opportunity is the best thing to do for sure. Mind you, I'd still look at the legalities of it as well!

But still. Relocation might be a real option now! You'd need to check the legalities of that as well, but I can't see Twunt putting up too much of a fight, can you?

Many (((hugs))) - your strength is indomitable, just think, if you can get through this load of shit that is being thrown at you, you can get through anything :)

Ha! I move furniture too!

Well if you get a job somewhere else, after redundancy it is more likely any judge would let you go.
Do make sure they generous payment is really generous, and get some financial advice on all the tax implications. Do make sure you are not losing out on any maternity pay, also that your ex can't try to claim any.

Remember that move to Scotland you were considering? Maybe test the market & put the house for sale as soon as the legals in process?

I definitely have lots of options. This afternoon I am getting the required legal advice and sign off on the agreement. What my employer is offering will be separate to any issues with claims my ex may have over it, so I think I will need to get legal balls rolling asap in respect of the end of the marriage.

Beryl so pleased I am not the only person who moves furniture when stressed. Must admit I am aching a bit today..... Stress and nesting kicking in at the same time means I have moved quite a lot!

I have so much to do today - family support worker round, hospital, appointment re the legal agreement - I think I will be going to bed before the children. Oh, I also have to sort out a pickle situation. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1773871-Ive-come-downstairs-this-morning-and-the-kitchen-is-covered-in-what-appears-to-be-pickle-Any-ideas

waves you are doing so well, you really are! So proud of you.

maybe your homestart person would know of legal people who could help you - in family law. I know that when my friend was going through a messy break up the CAB gave her a family lawyer who was amazing. You need someone on your side who wont take any shit from twunt.

Hello all

TGIF.

Have a good weekend waves you are handling all this very well and I'm glad you have such nice lodgers. Hope you have good chat with the family support worker.

My sister used to do that furniture thing too!

Pickle?? .

The mystery of the pickle! Was it a lodger who accidentally flicked a knife of it everywhere when drunk & didn't notice? You know, that 2am emergency cheese & pickle sandwich?!!

It seems to be a LOT more pickle than a knife's worth. Hmmmm.

Have had a busy day, including support worker round (next week's task is to sort out insurance contribution status given the redundancy, following week is legal stuff), hospital (unexpectedly also got the whooping cough vaccine - ouch), and seeing the legal advisor re my redundancy agreement. Next thing on the list is getting the DCs from school, then probably collapsing in the garden as I am completely and utterly shattered

Twunt doesn't have any way of getting in does he?

Oh gosh - I hope not. Would he really have stooped so low as to spray my kitchen with pickle??? (If it is in fact pickle, which it may not be)

Oh Midwife - hope not! That would be the last defence.

It really is a mystery, Waves. Have you asked the lodgers?

What do the lodgers say? I also really hope it's not him but if kids & lodgers all deny all knowledge I think you need to change the locks & deadbolt every door at night & inform the police.

I cleaned up all the pickle/animal excrement/whatever it was (using gloves etc and being v careful in case it was the cat as that's not a good thing in pg is it). I have started locking the door carefully each night, and asked the lodgers to do the same when they get in (slightly envious of them being able to go out all the time - by the time I was their age I had 2 babies, and a mortgage!)

I don't think it was twunt - gut instinct is he is far too busy enjoying his new bitch of an OW life, but taking precautions.

Update from me otherwise, feeling better about the redundancy. September will be the time to start job hunting, both here are in other places. I regularly get contacted by a couple of agencies in London, but I don't want to work or live there by myself with 3 little ones. So, I will see what is about in the rest of the country. Of course, if I was to sell here, and move away, I wouldn't need the crippling mortgage to afford a reasonable sized home for us, so could look for a less demanding career or a complete change. (icecream anyone? )

I made contact with TB as DS needed his star wars lego model from her house. I collected it from her and stayed for a little chat. She was really nice (for her) and didn't apologise but did offer me a cup of tea. Well, I had a cup of hot water which I sipped slowly and we had a little chat. I invited her round to my house (which she never used to come to) and she actually came yesterday and said NOTHING DEROGATORY. She also gave me 3 little 0-3 months vests she'd got from the charity shop, and some baby bath towels. The DCs were very pleased to see her, and it was not painful. Plan is to maintain relations on this level without letting her get into the position of being able to feel that I am dependent on her. So, maybe next weekend or the weekend after I will invite her round, or go to hers with the DCs.

Acrobat is being true to his name so I need to go and vomit, then get the DCs up and ready - they are off to my friend's for the day so they can actually "do" something as opposed to hang around the house with me being sick. Nearly 33 weeks now, so term is just 4 weeks away. And just 9 days til my next scan.....

Glad you are sounding positive. Good plan with TB everything on your terms will keep you in control. Definitely worth looking at the rest of the country for work and your ice cream sounds gorgeous so you could look at a small franchise somewhere.

Enjoy the sunshine

Good news re. TB - perhaps we could down-grade that to TM now, if she keeps up the good work! Glad she managed to keep it nice for you - who knows, she might have realised how awful she had been!

Hmm, well I doubt she's realised how awful she has been - imo people like this never change...

BUT you've enforced some serious boundaries and she is responding. Note to self: watch your boundaries like a hawk.

how bizarre about the pickle (or whatever it was??). Have you seen Lou's thread/s about her husband taking off one day and methodically taking half all their possessions, but including all the chutney? You couldn't make it up!

As for the job: they were shits anyway so maybe it's good you're out with a handsome settlement. It does open things out a bit for you.

You're doing so well, waves xxx

The picklegeist (nicked from TiggyD on t'other thread) is an amazing mystery!

Springy is right, it IS doubtful that she would realise how awful she has been but at least she's playing nice for now, so that's still a bonus.

Hope you're feeling a little better now. x

bizarre re picklegate/geist.

I would be VERY careful about letting your guard down with TB - she will think that you have 'got over it' by now and if you start entertaining her again on a regular basis she will revert to type very quickly. (sorry)

All you can do is manage her very well and disengage as much as possible.

So glad you are sounding so positive, you have lots to look forward to.

And yes, I would love an ice cream please.

I often look at ice cream makers and then decide that I cant justify another appliance on the kitchen worktop. Nothing at all to do with my waist line!

I am definitely going to be very careful with TB and boundaries. It is good that the time away has got me re-engaged with friends etc as there simply isn't much time for her in our lives at the moment. I have not forgiven what she has done, but am also aware that she will not change. We may see her in a couple of weeks, but I'll see how we go with that.

I have totally overdone it today and feel utterly appalling. Bloody nesting instinct kicked in, and I feel more nauseous than I have in a while, and the vomiting has increased too. Still I can see a million things that need doing (and yes, the front garden does need weeding before acrobat arrives ), and am now mega upset as I don't have a special shawl or blanket for acrobat. Such a stupid thing to get upset about, but my exMIL handmade them for DS and DD, and now I neither have a shop bought or handmade one for acrobat. Stupid nesting brain telling me I have to learn how to crochet or sew or patchwork or knit in the next few days, but I actually can't

I feel so SO sick I could die. (I still feel positive about life, just want to not be feeling so physically dreadful)