Dating thread no 52

[BillMasen]

The first one started by a bloke?

missing someone is hard..but I think unrequited feelings are worse?

OK I'm with you Bant...that makes sense! :)

Secret, I have found that if men respond to a first message off a woman they are a bit meh about it and it rarely ended in a date, just a bit of chat. I think it's something to do with the hunter thing, they didn't pick you, sort of rubbish.

I frequently get ignored on this thread, even shouted last time and no-one acknowledged it so don't post much. Woe is me Is that the correct expression?

Mercury I personally find a fwb situation demoralising and I hate the term, I know it suits some people etc but when feelings are involved from one side it feels derogatory. What do you feel you want from this man? Do you want to stop looking and be exclusive or do you see a future, moving in together etc?

The guy I would say I'm seeing sometimes mentions the fwb phrase and I tell him this not to. We are seeing each other, end of. We aren't planning a future together as he comes out in a cold sweat at the mention of the R word, so I just don't think of it as a living together, marriage prospect which underneath it all I don't really want. I've been far too independent for far too long. He knows that I have feelings for him and he doesn't back off as he 'loves' what we have. We are off for a romantic day together on Monday, is this what fwb's do? Bant, other men on the thread? I think it's when one person wants to keep their options open and it will all end in tears, mine most likely. I try and kid myself that if I meet someone else equally wonderful I will dump him. The times we have are too good to give up, I've tried it and it doesn't work.

Hello to everyone else. Happy bank holiday weekend.

secret nothing to add, other than having a look at yourself in the mirror and checking that you do actually exist [squeeze] it's just one of those things.

bant do you think buffy will contact you?

i'm not toooo winedoomy this morning, my spider senses are a bit off, but i'm working very hard to ignore silly little inner voice of self-doubt. have made myself a nice summer playlist for my ipod and plan to do a charity shop run and then settle in for DW. I am convincing myself all is well, and will be vair busy today being insouciant rather than a huge big wine-doom-fuelled needy mess.

This would all be a bit easier if i had an inkling of what he thinks about me, but i don't; so it isn't, so i'm going charity shopping and then roasting a cauliflower (not a euphemism)

fwb does seem to suggest (to me) 'you'll do until someone better comes along'

FWB means two things to me: you'll do until someone better comes along (as Snape says) and I don't want to lead you on, or 'I'm not in a place to have a meaningful LTR, but its nice to have someone decent to shag

And I really do think its the same from both sides. Buffy was my first FWB so I'm really no expert. I want more than that but.. She'd do. She doesn't want more than that so I'd do..

Scrazy, I really only want sex from him, the thought of anything approaching a relationship makes me feel very anxious.
I relish my solitary life and find it hard to cope with any company for more than a few hours at a time

Snape, yes that's how I think about fwb, Ok if you don't have any feelings for the other person but not nice when you do.

Do you think it's time for the talk with nameless? It could be a wonderful moment but if it isn't then you can continue or not with the knowledge of his involvement. It's a toughie but most men that have 'loved' me have told me fairly early on, say within the first 4 months. I had a guy who only told me after I'd finished a 6 month relationship. Had he made his feeling known I might not have gone off him so much, it was an LDR, 80 miles or so.

So Mercury, if it's for the sex do you want to arrange it more often? If so just spell it out.

I say I'm in it for the sex too, the romantic stuff is just a precursor. It's a once a week arrangement as we don't live that far away from each other.

He is wanting to meet someone better, I reckon. In a way I do as I would like to meet someone with feeling for me as well. Oh well, good luck to him .

it might well be time for the talk, but i'm sure-as-shit not instigating it.

me declaring 'feelings' for someone has a tendency to go very very badly. i'd rather have the lovely stuff when i get to see him and not knowing than finding out i'm considered a stop-gap.

yes, it's nice to have someone 'decent to shag' we've not really had a discussion about what one might rhetorically want from a relationship, all i have to go on are OKC answers and while i think nameless is honest and decent and lovely, and i have NO cause to think he might have answered OKC stuff in an underhand manner, i am doing the 'past experience suggests all of humankind to be horrid' thing atm.

it will pass.

Scrazy we've both made it very clear that we want more frequent meetings, it's just that he's out of the country alot.

I guess most of us need a certain amount of 'romantic stuff' for the sex to work?

Snape, time will tell, there is no need to declare anything at this stage. What star sign is he btw? Not that I believe in any of this stuff, of course.

Mercury, yes I suppose even with a fwb situation there needs to be some romantic stuff or it would last very long.

no, i think it's 'nicer' when theres some romance, but sex can also work when someone just knows what buttons to press. thats a bit clinical for me, so i don't tend to engage/relate in that way unless i am truly desperate but i think it's perfectly acceptable if people have sex for the sake of having sex with no romantic intent.

wouldn't not 'would'.

are you going a bit woo scrazy um, virgo i think. late august

and i ain't declaring nothing, oh no. :)

Bugger. I'm at a friends birthday down south of London, and there are 4 women here I've been to bed with at one point or another. Unfortunately they're all married now. The only single guest, I can't stand.

awkwaaaaaaard!

No experience of a virgo, afaik, so nothing to add to the star sign nonsense.

Bant, oops, hope the don't all tell their husbands!

I like wines 'so what are we doing here'? You are not declaring anything at all. If he says I see us as fwb you can say 'me to' then secretly seethe, that's what I did. Or you say not good enough thanks.

Wine, no guy is worth chasing, especially not this one.

Winefiend, he sounds like my ex. Unfortunately I still partake in the slight stalking of his profile. Getting better though.

I've now arranged another date for tomorrow evening. Very last minute for me, and I'm not 100% on him but I guess you can't properly figure someone out til you meet.