Dating thread no 52

[BillMasen]

The first one started by a bloke?

thanks Allittle, the bloke in question is (in my estimation) a nice guy, ie not manipulative and doesnt want to hurt my feelings.

I'm inclined to think that if he felt nothing he'd have backed off long ago?

I'm frequently ignored and I dont think anything of it!

Who said that then ?

Hello Mercury
and Pom and Stranger

:o @ Kin

Thank you all I may look like a prize Gobbin now, but at least you've all broken the pattern!
I accept what you're all saying, again rationally, and one or two bits of the pattern happening in the same week would not even register. But all at the same time has thrown me into a self-doubting funk.

mercury if you don't tell him, won't it make the nights you do have together less comfortable, always having to check yourself, making sure you never let on?

I can't resist a cheap gag Mercury, it's almost a disease.

( and hello Stranger too )

Secret - fuck the funk !

By the way Mercury I know naaaaathing about fwb so me commenting would be like Lady Gaga giving advice on the art of understated dressing.

Sorry Nora how are you feeling this morning about Spud, did you reply?

Wine - deffo winedoom, deffo not OTT, just a bit of wheel oiling.

Oh blimey, don't apologise Secret, it's nae biggy. yes I did, because I couldn't not reply, it was icy cold though. Fucker

I already did tell him Secret (by email, not face to face-he's been away a few months)
just trying to decipher his response

Bant, I apologised in advance for my bad joke Sorry was feeling a bit cheeky this morning....[shamefaced]

secret happens to all of us on this thread and on OD... Are you sure you sent the message to your pals?

Wine, he agreed that the infrequent contact was difficult but it was just because of his job.

I suppose what I'm asking boils down to this:
If someone tells you they have feelings for you, and you dont have feelings for them, it'd make you feel uncomfortable, wouldn't it.
You'd back off... wouldn't you?

mercury mrcheeky told me he loved me .. I didn't love him back and it made it difficult for me to maintain the fwb relationship we were supposed to be having(as well as the fact he was unreliable) .. In fact I found it to be off putting (sorry!)

thanks Wine and Kirsty, and yes my reaction would be to cringe and back off if someone confessed feelings that I didn't reciprocate.

I didnt actually say I loved him (although I do ) I just said I couldn't help having feelings for him

Sorry mercury, couldn't give my take on it till now. But a mans perspective isn't very different to a woman's on this. Either one can have stronger feelings, that's why FWB is difficult.

Buffy said she thought I wanted something more, I said actually no, the fact of her leaving the country just stopped me wanting anything more. She understood that when I explained it, but she felt uncomfortable if she thought I was falling for her.

Men do find it easier, maybe, to have emotionally detached sex, but maybe the more it happens the less detached it is. And any kind of emotion (fondness, laughter) can grow to more

thanks Bant:)

do you mean that you stopped yourself getting emotionally attached to Buffy because she'd be gone soon?

Or was it more that you just wouldn't be feeling that kind of thing for her whatever the situation?

he has been much more responsive since I made my small confession, and I suppose he's bound to hold back a bit because of working oversea's such alot

In my case, I just stopped myself wanting more because it was impossible. Not unlikely, or difficult, but impossible as she was moving 3000 miles away and I knew that on our first date.

It's different to 'I really like him/her, maybe she'll grow to like me back' which is the usual case with FWB, it was just never going to happen.

I did tell her that if she wasn't leaving it would be easy to get very attached to her. I think she misread that as saying I was already attached.