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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The train has departed Loserville - Next stop Happy Town.

996 replies

LoserNoMore · 23/04/2013 19:06

Just went to post on my other thread but it's full already!

I'll attempt to link it but I'm on my phone so probably won't work.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1726699-Last-train-to-Loserville-Part-2

Excuse the cheesy title, my brain won't work. Just going to read last few replies on old thread.

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 24/04/2013 16:56

i wouldn't go for the bitchy lines - you have nothing to compete with and she isn't your problem. i'd probably just say thought we'd be past the stage of pointless lies by now, i saw you with your girlfriend yesterday. please don't bother lying to me - you don't need to as you're free to do what you want now. would be good if you didn't let your daughters down as much as you have me though so don't make arrangements you don't intend to keep in future.

KatieScarlett2833 · 24/04/2013 16:58

Survivor by Destinys Child is one kick ass car song. To be sung at full volume Grin
So the skank is "work" is she?
What an utter fuckwit, you can almost pity the fool, but not quite ...Wink

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 24/04/2013 16:59

Yeah you're right, haven't replied yet anyway.

OP posts:
Loulybelle · 24/04/2013 17:05

probably best to go for "I dont believe you were at work, as i saw you with her yesterday, the girls dont deserve to be let down, make sure if doesnt happen again"

Distrustinggirlnow · 24/04/2013 17:06

I tried to de-lurk yesterday but the thread was full!

Just wanted to say that I felt sick when I saw you'd seen him with ow. How awful Hmm

I've followed your threads and think you're doing amazingly well.

If it were me, I would have to let him know that I knew the 'work was busy' line was total bs. I like some of the suggestions up thread Smile

I remember once someone on here saying something along the lines of, the sex they could almost come to terms with, but the deceit and lies, that was something else altogether......

Stay strong my dear. Thanks

Thisisaeuphemism · 24/04/2013 17:06

I would reply with a mixture of the above suggestions but without the roots comment!

The girls were disappointed you were too busy to see them again. Btw I saw you with your girlfriend at such and such time.

Distrustinggirlnow · 24/04/2013 17:08

What loulybelle said......

lazarusb · 24/04/2013 17:08

Ok Sidge - Foo Fighters - Erase Replace & Let it Die & Breakout
Nine Inch Nails - Piggy & I do not want this & Ruiner & Terrible lie

There's also a great Metallica song called No Leaf Clover which has the great line 'When it comes to seeing the guiding light at the end of your tunnel, it's just a freight train coming your way' - I think ow is his freight train here. He won't know what has hit him.

So Angry that he can still lie to you so easily LNM. It's cowardly and pathetic. He could at least be honest - obviously thinks you'll change your mind one day or she's the fallback because he knows you won't.

swallowedAfly · 24/04/2013 17:16

tbh i'm uncomfortable with all the assumptions about the other woman, that she is lying about pregnancy, desperate to have him etc. we really don't know and she may well just be some foolish, lonely woman who did something foolish and awful and getting pregnant takes two and happens as a result of sex rather than some terrible plan on the part of evil woman.

it's a waste of energy and too easy to demonise the 'other' in the picture and detract responsibility from the person whose responsibility it was not to hurt you.

i understand the desire to do it but it's not right. he is the issue.

swallowedAfly · 24/04/2013 17:18

seriously we REALLY don't know. i read somewhere on here that she is the mother of a young baby already. god knows what her situation is and for all anyone knows she could have PND, she could have special needs, she could be incredibly damaged and be in a right desperate old state. no one on here other than the OP knows anything about her.

lnm's husband however we know to be married, happy enough, a father with a stable family and job etc.

NotMostPeople · 24/04/2013 17:25

I've been following you from the very first post LNM and am staggered at how brilliantly you've handled the situation. Next time you see him I'd say something like" you know I wasn't sure if I believed your OW was pregnant, but now I've seen her I realise that she must be as she has t done her roots".

Thisisaeuphemism · 24/04/2013 17:36

I have no sympathy with this ow whatsoever, especially since LNM said that she actually met her at a party in Dec? Is that right?

However, I think swallowedafly is right - he is the issue, and his behaviour now could hardly be any worse.

His text makes out that he is the big busy daddy- I would not be able to refrain from texting back - although I expect he will text, 'oh I was on the way to work/lunchbreak/etc,etc'

Loulybelle · 24/04/2013 17:40

I suspect he wasnt working, letting his DD's down is just not on, my ex pulled crap like this concerning maintenance, i told him in no uncertain terms, only person he was letting down was DD, he started paying after that.

WildThongsHeartString · 24/04/2013 17:45

swallowed, yes or she could just be a callous selfish cow?

Sorry but having been where LNM is I have to take excuses and reasons with a pinch of salt.

Keep your integrity LNM, don't lower yourself to their level and you will forever feel better for it. A straight " I saw you, you are lying again. Have some respect" will do. Leave him with no dignity as that is the truth of it.

lowercase · 24/04/2013 17:55

Yes wildthongs, good no nonsense statement.

Yes, keep the integrity, don't add to the mess.

How are you feeling in yourself LNM?
How are girls with it all?

Brew
Sidge · 24/04/2013 17:58

The thing is, for these cheating husbands, they wouldn't know how to tell the truth if their lives depended on it. Deceit is their default setting.

I wouldn't bother with sarky little comments about seeing her, her roots, etc (as tempting as it is!). A simple "yeah I saw you together on Wednesday" (or whatever) is enough.

Loulybelle · 24/04/2013 18:06

Sidge, that is true, my ex used to lie, even though he knew, i knew the truth.

cjel · 24/04/2013 18:08

thats the thing i never understand. We all know they are lying so why bother? Is it the old thing that they are so insecure they have to make a fantasy life ? I never understood that.

Sidge · 24/04/2013 18:12

My ex still lies by omission, a year down the line!

We're divorcing, he's living with the OW, I am a million times happier than I was last year and don't really give a shiny shite what he does (beyond how it affects my children) but he STILL manipulates the truth to suit him and attempt to put himself in a better light.

I do believe that these men are just utter fuckwits and you shouldn't believe a word that comes out of their mouths!

Loulybelle · 24/04/2013 18:23

Im 4 years down the line from my ex, and i just think, "Your a real prick", i dont love him anymore, and sometimes i wanna smack him when he tells me "Cant have DD, i dont have any money", well boo fucking hoo, im not rolling in it either.

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 24/04/2013 18:26

Lowercase, I'm ok. The girls are fine, seem to be taking everything in their stride at the moment. They are very matter of fact about things.

I agree SAF. I've kept my inner bitch under wraps this long, no point unleashing her now. I have no issue with OW, yes I hate what she has been part of but if it wasn't her it would be someone else. I can't go as far to feel any sympathy though regardless of her personal life. We all have struggles in life, there's no excuse for knowingly becoming involved with a married man with children, IMO of course.

OP posts:
WeAreSix · 24/04/2013 18:33

Love the new title.

The thing I don't understand... The OW. Not just this one, but all of them. Do they have no self respect? No dignity? I would never ever lower myself to have any kind of relationship with someone else's husband. Why do they do it?

Anyway... Keep your head held high LNM. You should be proud of yourself for handling this so well and for setting your DCs such a fine example.

WeAreSix · 24/04/2013 18:34

Oops x-post Smile

cjel · 24/04/2013 18:35

No definately no excuse. Whats wrong with saying I really like you but when you've got your flat and left your family give me a ring? Mine OW had it done to her 18months before then did it to us? They snogged and he touched her up the first time they met and she knew his family?!!
I am not wasting any of my life giving him the satisfaction of being able to tell her how awful I am they have not one complaint against the way I've behaved and thats so much easier to live with than any amount of bitching. Stay strong LNMxx

JaxTellerIsAllMine · 24/04/2013 18:51

Him and her are welcome to each other. No matter whether she has problems or not, getting it on with a married person isnt on, especially when they know/know of the wife/DC. For the person who asked why they do it, I have no idea, but suspect it is an ego boost for them and they class it as 'harmless fun' when it is anything but.

LNM - do send a text, just stating facts, no bitching needed. He has made a big enough eejit of himself, you dont have to help him. Wink

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