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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The train has departed Loserville - Next stop Happy Town.

996 replies

LoserNoMore · 23/04/2013 19:06

Just went to post on my other thread but it's full already!

I'll attempt to link it but I'm on my phone so probably won't work.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1726699-Last-train-to-Loserville-Part-2

Excuse the cheesy title, my brain won't work. Just going to read last few replies on old thread.

OP posts:
thistlelicker · 19/05/2013 02:47

Ohhhhh loser! What's up chick x

Rosiemc75 · 19/05/2013 02:56

Hello LNM you still awake? Not one of your regular crew of wise women I know but i am here if you want to chat about any of the decisions you've made...

Rosiemc75 · 19/05/2013 03:16

I am a bit worried LNM... Hoping you are asleep and you'll have a chance to revist decision you've made tonight in the morning. Those lovely girls of yours can make you a cup of tea and some toast and you can hunker down on the sofa for the day... After a long few weeks (in which you have been amazing btw) and a birthday party yesterday (which I hope was good fun but I bet was hectic) you might just need a duvet day with the girls.

saffronwblue · 19/05/2013 04:47

Hi LNM I am about if you want some (virtual) company. Please don't feel alone.

CabbageLeaves · 19/05/2013 07:05

LNM please, just please come back and talk. It will be fine.

swallowedAfly · 19/05/2013 07:15

that's a worrying post - and you didn't name check me Shock

seriously - just let us know you're ok today please?

LittleEsme · 19/05/2013 07:20

No no no LNM.

Check in please. Let us know you're ok, love.

Wales to bonny Scotland is at least 8 hours. Don't make me come up there...Grin

Seriously. Just check in ok? Or even PM one of us?

CabbageLeaves · 19/05/2013 07:27

I agree SAF. That was a major omission. Shock

LNM come and have virtual breakfast with us. I can make you scrambled eggs with the semi decapitated chooks offering from yesterday.

swallowedAfly · 19/05/2013 08:31

cabbage you've made me feel a bit better about my manhandling of my chooks the other night when they refused to go to bed. i just sort of grabbed and stuffed them into the house - they were outraged at my audacity but i wanted to go to bed Grin

imtheonlyone · 19/05/2013 08:43

Oh LNM - worried here too!! Hope the hangover isn't too awful today Wink

Pls come back and talk to us ..... You are one of the strongest and bravest women ever. Seriously! The easiest thing would have been to let him walk back into your life and carry on. Te brave thing to do is what you have done. And you've done it with such dignity, there are so many of us here in awe of your brilliantness! I know it doesn't feel that way for you, but you are amazing for handling this the way you have Smile

Really hope you're ok Envy

bleedingheart · 19/05/2013 08:55

Haven't posted for a while but I was coming on to see if you were okay LNM, I really hope you are.
I strongl recommend you get signed off work, let that be the thing that gives.
You are far stronger than you think. I have been in awe of your strength.
Please don't act in haste

Fairenuff · 19/05/2013 08:57

LNM whatever decision you have made, we will support you. Nothing is as straightforward as it seems. Nothing is as difficult as it seems. But whatever choice you have made, you still need somewhere to vent, to chat, to share your thoughts and fears in a safe, non judgemental place.

I hope that you are snuggled up with your girls, clutching a large, steaming mug of tea and just taking some time out to rest. I hope that you are still reading and feel able to pop back for a chat when you're ready.

PyroclasticFlo · 19/05/2013 09:59

Hello lovely, it's OK to get steaming drunk and feel a bit sad, FFS have a damn good wallow if you want to, I'm damn sure I would in your shoes.

If you're still reading, and don't feel like posting any more, we don't mind. Do whatever you have to do to feel safe, sane and able to cope.

Long ago in my early twenties I was sharing a flat with a friend and we had a very good rule when we split up with a boyfriend / were horribly dumped or similar. We had two weeks in which to completely wallow, get drunk, talk about them all the time and feel really hard done by and sorry for ourselves. By the end of the two weeks you were so sick to death of it that you felt ready to get on with your life and forget all about them.

Now I know you can't realistically do that, and you deserve more than two weeks because this is a marriage you're mourning, not just a boyfriend of a couple of months, but the advice remains the same. Let yourself feel the sadness and the unfairness of it all and feel really, really sorry for yourself for a while. Soon you'll get out the other side and feel lighter again. It's one of those things you can't avoid, sooner or later you have to feel it, and getting drunk is often a really good thing to do because it makes you feel maudlin and cross and then you can let it all out.

If you've had enough of posting about it, we totally understand, and wish you a happier future, with so much love and support. Flowers

lazarusb · 19/05/2013 11:22

LNM If you really don't want to come back to this thread could you please PM one of us to let us know you're ok? We will pass the message on.

Listening to sad songs is not a good idea. Especially when you're tired, in possession of wine and emotionally drained. You are a very special person in a shit situation not of her own making.

We may be strangers but we are very fond of you and full of admiration. If I wasn't (literally) at the other end of the country, I'd be round your house and annoying you via text every 10 minutes....be grateful for small mercies Wink

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 19/05/2013 12:20

I'm sorry, didn't mean to worry anyone.. I don't want to leave the thread, it's been a great support to me. Just so tired

Why does everything seem worse the next day after too much alcohol. Worry levels are through the roof. I feel like I'm crumbling by the day but I can't, I need to be strong for the girls.

OP posts:
saffronwblue · 19/05/2013 12:35

Of course you are tired, LNM, your world has gone upside down. Just remember, baby steps and many of us are here to hold your hand. x

CabbageLeaves · 19/05/2013 12:36

Alcohol is a depressant. Occasional use as a relaxant is fine but try and find a healthier way should take my own advice

Please get signed off work

You need to. You want to be strong for the girls. You cannot be everything. Be strong for them by dumping the work thing short term. It is ok to do so. I took a month around the time of my divorce

mrsmciver · 19/05/2013 12:43

Hi LNM. You will get through this, one day at a time. Am going through a marriage breakdown myself so I do understand.
Some great advice I had was to put a post it note in my fridge and write on it "Today You Were Awesome". And look at it every day, the day that you have gotten through and remember it! It is so so hard, but remember you will do this, you sound so strong and you will do this, you have your daughters to spur you on.
Think you live near me LNM, sounds like it from your posts.

skyeskyeskye · 19/05/2013 12:49

LNM - glad you are still here. Just take it day by day, week by week, dont think too far ahead and just deal with things as they happen. It is not easy, but you WILL get through it.

You are the strong one, you will get through this.

lazarusb · 19/05/2013 12:55

Glad you're staying Smile At the moment you're juggling plates. As Cabbage says, it's ok to drop some now and again. Don't feel like you have to cope, we all need an outlet, even those of us with much less to deal with (me).

You want to be strong for the girls and I absolutely understand that. But you are still a human being, with thoughts and emotions. It isn't always possible to shut them in a box and just get them out at a convenient time. Who is looking after you while you soldier on? You do need some RL support. Your friends may well think you're coping and don't want to interfere, but tell them you need a bit more help.

You are dealing with so much, we all need to bend sometimes. It's the breaking that causes the problems.

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 19/05/2013 13:08

Thank you.

I can't even find the motivation to get out of bed. Ex picked the girls up for the day earlier. Dd3 party was fun. Ex turned up half way through, dd spotted him coming up the path so I was put in an impossible position. He stayed for 30 mins and I told him in no uncertain terms to never do anything like that again. Seems like any time I do tell him anything he does the opposite though. Dd3 had a good time so that's the main thing.

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 19/05/2013 13:13

yeah it's because it's a depressant. take it easy today and don't read too much into your mood or thoughts itms. say yep my head is churning out some serious negativity today, ooh look there's more doom and gloom, you know? stay a step back from it and observing it rather than getting too attached to it and chasing it into dark corners. i need to heed my own advice as i'm struggling today with some strong feelings of hurt and... inadequacy really after my sister deciding to be bitch from hell and an awkward situation with an old friend.

our heads aren't being nice to us - it doesn't mean they're right. mine too is post alcohol gloomy so i can't rely on it to be too accurate about the state of my world.

swallowedAfly · 19/05/2013 13:14

oh that's shit that he just turned up Sad sounds like it's time to see a solicitor and file for divorce to see if that gets it through to him.

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 19/05/2013 14:03

I think so SAF, no point putting it off any longer :(

I'm sorry you're feeling a bit gloomy too. I've cleared all alcohol out and going to drop it at my friends. The past week I've been pouring a glass every night to relax. I really don't want to go down that road.

OP posts:
skyeskyeskye · 19/05/2013 14:59

Your X was wrong to just turn up yesterday. he no longer has the right to turn up when he feels like it.

If you are certain that divorce is what you want, then you might as well put the wheels in motion. just be prepared though, as it takes up a lot of energy. I ploughed ahead with it, only to have a complete crash once it was finalised.