The train has departed Loserville - Next stop Happy Town.

[LoserNoMore]

Just went to post on my other thread but it's full already!

I'll attempt to link it but I'm on my phone so probably won't work.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1726699-Last-train-to-Loserville-Part-2

Excuse the cheesy title, my brain won't work. Just going to read last few replies on old thread.

Maybe, if I can get the time. Been going into
work early most days and still so behind.

I think I've reached my limit

((hugs))

Just seen this & wanted to let you know you are not alone. Have lurked on both your threads and marvelled at you. Not great with advice or words I'm afraid and on phone so cant do a cool emoticon thingy.
I am supposed to be fast asleep but got woken by DS now sleep won't come even tjough I feel shattered! Hope you are resting now and things are easier in the morning. Going to go count backwards from 100, see if that sends me off!

LNM, darling go to your doctor get 2 weeks off to start with. You need a break. You have been through a lot, be kind to yourself. Take time off & enjoy a bit of space while girls are at school etc. You will get no thanks for breaking your arse at work. People said this to me for years but I thought I had to struggle on. My boss is a tyrant, total wanker, workload ridiculous. I started getting headaches 7 months ago when support was taken away & I had to do job 2 people were already doing under stress. I never experienced headaches in my life until this stress at work, I thought I was dying. Doc diagnosed stress & I ended up being off for 3 months.

Headaches have now gone, boss is still a wanker but my attitude has changed. To be honest I still worry but will never let it get so bad, I thought at my worst that children would be left orphaned.

Take some time off. I was way behind with my work when I did but for some reason getting sick over it made me finally see reality. I pay all the bills, single mum, 2 teenagers, EH worse than useless. Please do it. You need some time to yourself to get your strength up. Work won't give a shit about you.

You feel like you have reached your limit. You need a break that's all. You haven't a clue how strong you are. You dealt with a crisis that most women bury for 25/30 years. Just read other mns threads. Take some time off, watch daytime telly, honestly the world will still keep spinning around. I honestly hope you ring in sick tomorrow, sit down & chill for a little while. BE KIND TO YOURSELF x

Yes. Take time to go to your GP and take some time off work. This will be worth it. You need to be well and last time you did this you were much better. It's short term not forever. Working and small children is hard work as a couple. It's a lot harder when on your own.

How do you manage with childcare?

If I don't post it's because I'm doing the work thing!

Next 3 days involve 10 hour days. I've already worked 3 'normal' days this week. I have DP here for two days which is the only way I'm coping

A few weeks ago I was on the verge of walking out from my job. At the moment I'm ok despite the workload...a) because I'm supported and b) it's not forever This is a short term work crisis.

i'm going to look up the headspace ap. i use meditationoasis.com they have podcasts you can listen to for free on their website with a whole range of meditations and they really help me. i quite often turn off the lights in my office and listen to one. let's hope work doesn't know who i am on mn

my advice fwiw would be to stop going into work early and leaving late. the answer to being taken the piss out of is not to go and offer more of yourself to be taken the piss out of. you know it in your private life so you need to apply it to work too.

if you do go back to the docs i'd ask for some valium or something similar for a short period of time to get you to sleep and through this bad patch of anxiety. if the doc just tries to offer ads again say you don't want to take something long term and you don't feel the need yet, you just need something short term for anxiety and insomnia whilst you get your head around things. alternatively try some nitol, valerian, kalms, etc over the counter. i find valerian does work if you take it a long time before you want to go to sleep. alternatively at one time i used to open the capsules and make tea with them - if you can bear the taste it seemed to work faster.

if you want to take ads go for it but despite being peddled so often for short term anxiety they're really not the answer for a short term crisis problem. things like valium are the right call but obviously because they've been misused in the past with prescribing them for too long (and creating addiction) some docs are anxious about giving them so use all the right words and reassurances - that it is a short term solution for a crisis period, that you're well aware you can't take them long term as they're addictive but that you need something to get you through this horrible anxiety in the short term.

god sorry too long a post. hope you hear about the job today x

I agree with everything that Saf said. It's all too easy to pile more and more work and pressure on staff but, legally they wouldn't have a leg on stand on I'm sure. Expecting staff to carry huge workloads is counter-productive because, eventually, we crack. You are not alone there LNM, this seems to be the working culture at the moment and the more we take on, the more they will give us.

So, give yourself a break, you clearly need it. It's ok to say you can't manage it all on your own. No more early mornings or weekend working. You should rest as much as you can.

Could it be that the last visit from ex h is playing on your mind too much? Did you get a solicitor to write to him about access and not harrassing you? Might be worth focussing on that so that you can feel secure in your own house.

Going to look up those apps and podcasts now, sounds like something that would be useful to all of us at times.

Hope you go and get time off. I just wanted to say that when I had depression about 20yrs ago my wonderful GP came to the house when I was in the middle of a panic attack, he went to wash his hands and saw my fags on kitchen windowsill. He said 'whose fags are those?' I said 'mine' and he said 'for goodness sake don't try and stop now'!!!:) so I can give you medical advice that its ok to smoke!!xxx

dontworrybaby - thanks for the headspace app tip. I have been having trouble getting to sleep at night, because of an itchy rash I have on my arm and leg (reaction to antibiotics). Last night I listened to headspace day 1 and it helped. I don't know what it said, but it would nearly send me to sleep, then I would realise that I was awake, but couldnt tell you what it had said! so I listened to it several times and I did have a really good sleep in the end. I am going to listen to it every night now, do the ten days and see how I get on.

can recommend it

Glad it has helped skyeskyeskye. I don't do it often but it certainly helps relax me. Will look up the other site too.

You know, I had a really rough year in 1998/99. I had to cope. I had to support my Dad and Granddad. I had to be a Mum to ds1. I had to go into work and run it 5 days a week.

In February 1999 I had a breakdown. A real one. It was the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. I ended up ringing the Samaritans and crying like a baby. But they pointed me towards my GP and slowly and surely, things got better. It took about 16 months.

The real change came when I began to make it clear that I would say no to people. I'd always gone out of my way to help others, to be there, to cope. I learnt the hard way that I couldn't go on like that. Please don't let that be you. You need support. Tell your friends you need them, see your GP. Stop working over your hours. We are here in the meantime.

It is so hard learning to say NO, but once you do it, it is so bloody liberating.

LNM - I hope you are ok, you need some time out for yourself.

I wish I could make it better for you, I really do and I wish I was closer too.

You need a change of mind set.

You are not behind. You are doing the work of more than one person as such you are struggling. You are probably ahead of what one person would do all the while struggling with personal circumstances.

It us hard not to force yourself as hard as you can for employers. That is what they rely on.

Do what you can as you can. Work hard and to your acceptable level. Anything that is left over is their tough shit.

If they give you an 'urgent' task make it clear you can do that but not X at the same time. Then stick to that and stop doing massive extra work.

If you go sick they will just replace you without a care.

How are you this evening LNM, feeling any better?

Thinking of you LNM

How are you LNM - still no news? Thinking of you too ...

hi lovely - its Friday! no work for a couple of days. how are you?

Hope you're ok LNM. Thinking of you.

Hi, I'm ok. Didn't get the job :( Looks like I'm stuck in job from hell for the time being.. I'll have a read of posts when I get on the laptop later. Thanks for your thoughts.

Followed by followed by

Sorry to hear that LNM - obviously something more perfect is round the corner - although it might not feel like it now! Glad you're ok though.

What are your plans this weekend with the DD's?

Have you applied for any other positions??

Dd3's birthday tomorrow, arranged a last minute party so have ten 5/6 year olds coming over, God help me! Bumped into ex at shop and dd3 told him about it so now he's pestering me because he wants to come. I don't want him here but do I disappoint dd? I'm thinking he can do something with her on Sunday, I don't want to be seen to be being awkward though. I don't know.

That was the only job I've applied for recently so no more options at the moment.

If you don't want him there, he can't come. Simple as that. As long as you allow time for him to celebrate with DD without you, you can't be the 'bad guy'. And I speak from experience!

Yes I second that. Just explain to DD that she can spend time with daddy on Sunday. She will be busy with her friends and you will have enough on your plate without worrying about him being there. If you're not comfortable doing it, then don't do it!

Tell him he can see her Sunday - he lost the right to spend time in your house when he slept with OW!!