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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MNHQ have commented on this thread

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MNHQ have commented on this thread

Relationships

Unwanted pregnancy,and DH will not talk to me.

171 replies

ohdearhelp · 19/04/2013 21:18

I have name changed for this. I also don't think this is the right place but I need help and there is a lot of traffic here.
I have been with my DH for 10 years married for 8 and we have 4 lovely DCs.
I had our youngest 2 years ago and it nearly killed me. I was told after I had him that I could not have any more children. This was fine because we already have 4 and we both know how luck we are to have them.

Anyway I have been ill on and off for about 3 months and I had just put it down to a sickness bug. However DH was worried so I went to my local GP, 2 days ago and it turns out I am pregnant (about 16 weeks gone)with twins. They are small for their age but they are alive and the doctor believes that they are growing.

I am terrified and I had to wait until Dh came home to tell him. He is very upset and when I had finished telling him he got up and left and he is refusing to talk about it at all. I have asked him if he would just sit and talk to me. He said no. I told him that I am scared and that I need hi to talk to me. He said that this was all my fault and he didn't want to talk about it. He left the house and didn't return until late.
Today he has only spoken the bare minimum to me and once the DCs were in bed he just went upstairs.

I have a specialist appointment tomorrow which I have told him about, but he just ignored me.
I have no idea what to do. I need to talk to him about this because they are his babies to. I am so scared and I don't know how to get him to listen to me.
Any help?

OP posts:

Report

FuckThisShit · 20/04/2013 12:23

I find it very interesting that there are still several posts standing which most definitely suggest bollocks is being spouted. Perhaps all the really clever and pious ones could explain for me why this is?

FuckThisShit · 20/04/2013 12:26

I had wine, yes. I said I would share if we were closer and yes, I said come down. I did not use creepy wee brackets, I made a statement. I really have had the most soul destroying week, yes I was embarrassed for admitting the deletion had tipped me over, but I was not attempting to derail a thread.

nenevomito · 20/04/2013 12:29

If you want to stop what you see as derailment, why not write something helpful and supportive to the op instead of just kvetching about other posters and derailing it even more. i.e. take your own advice.

AnyFucker · 20/04/2013 12:30

God how I hate this is still going on this morning, seems like more purposeful derailing for the op.

Yes, it does, doesn't it ?

AnyFucker · 20/04/2013 12:32

crosspost with BH

is tea ok, everybody ?

AmberLeaf · 20/04/2013 12:38

FTS yes there are loads aren't there? bit off really as it gives the [wrong] impression that those deleted were really vile or something.

Hmm.

FuckThisShit · 20/04/2013 12:48

Yes amber, that's exactly it. Perhaps that's why posters have turned on me, imagining in their righteous mind that I'd said something truly hideous.

So long as they're comfortable being spiteful and ignorant perhaps I should try to emulate them.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen · 20/04/2013 12:50

OP I had a rough pregnancy with my DTs. My DH has a son with significant disabilities, so when we discovered we were having twins his entire attitude to the pregnancy changed. He became cold and distant. Though he didn't go as far as to outwardly say he blamed me, it was bleeding obvious. Around 20 weeks I started to have complications and was advised on bed rest. I ended up breaking down in tears and demanding he grow up. I really lost it in a way I never had. He tried to object a few times but I just steamrolled him with how selfish he was, how scared I was, the stress of a hard pregnancy, certain family issues and him being so selfish as to not take care of me when I was carrying his children.

After that his attitude completely changed and he couldn't have been more tender, caring and loving. I think it was just the shock of my grief (yes, grief) of the situation that got through to him I really needed his support.

I'm not saying this is the right way to go, I just wanted to empathise, I know how hard it can be.

AmberLeaf · 20/04/2013 12:52

Yeah, not on really.

A righteous secondary pile in!

AuntieMaggie · 20/04/2013 13:19

Seriously can those not posting useful advice/supportive messages for the OP just shut the fuck up? There is a woman here who may have a serious physical problem as well as dealing with her husbands reaction and she doesn't need this shit. For those doubters I have received phone calls, had scans and been called into hospital on a Saturday and Sunday to see a consultant on the NHS - it tends to depend on the hospital/consultant/seriousness of the situation.

ohdearhelp I hope your DH goes with you today and that the situation with your health isn't as bad as you think it is. Good luck.

YoniMeKateMumsnet · 20/04/2013 13:41

Hi everyone,

We deleted a few posts last night that we felt were questioning the validity of the OP's story i.e troll hunting.

We also deleted posts that were replies to those deleted posts, for one because it appeared they were colluding with the troll hunting posts, and also so the thread would make sense.

As Mumsnet is a post moderated site, we rely on you guys to report stuff to us. It may be that we have missed some posted that should have been deleted. If that's the case, please do report those posts to us.

As other have said up thread, if you suspect that the OP isn't genuine, the best policy is to report it to us.

pumpkinsweetie · 20/04/2013 13:49

Well op will never come back now, what a lovely not so lovely bunch some of you are
Why is it so hard to believe this story to be true?

Anyway i hope you are ok op, I'm sure your dh will come round in the end. He has to, because at 16 weeks there isn't really any other option apart from adoption.
If he doesn't come round then it will be a case of going it alone, which with 6 dc is going to be more than tough on you. I wish you well op, and i do hope its just nerves and shock that has got into him.

BallerinaZeena · 20/04/2013 13:52

Adoption isn't the only option OP. You can still have a termination if that's what you want. Your options are unlimited but not for long. Hope your specialist appointment went well today!

Whorulestheroost · 20/04/2013 16:40

This is why mn has a reputation if being rife with angry bitchy women.

prettywhiteguitar · 20/04/2013 19:34

What a school yard you lot need to grow up

MrsSchadenfreude · 20/04/2013 19:54

Yes Miss.

hhhhhhh · 21/04/2013 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThatVikRinA22 · 21/04/2013 22:26

how are you doing OP? hope you feel able to come back - be strong.
i hope you are ok.

ThatVikRinA22 · 23/04/2013 23:58

guess OP thought fuck that for a game of dominoes then.
cant say i blame her either.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen · 24/04/2013 05:17

Ditto :(

GeekLove · 24/04/2013 08:45

I'm sorry OP about this thread turning to crap. If you start a new thread that would be best. Hope you are in a better position now.

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