Unwanted pregnancy,and DH will not talk to me.

[ohdearhelp]

I have name changed for this. I also don't think this is the right place but I need help and there is a lot of traffic here.
I have been with my DH for 10 years married for 8 and we have 4 lovely DCs.
I had our youngest 2 years ago and it nearly killed me. I was told after I had him that I could not have any more children. This was fine because we already have 4 and we both know how luck we are to have them.

Anyway I have been ill on and off for about 3 months and I had just put it down to a sickness bug. However DH was worried so I went to my local GP, 2 days ago and it turns out I am pregnant (about 16 weeks gone)with twins. They are small for their age but they are alive and the doctor believes that they are growing.

I am terrified and I had to wait until Dh came home to tell him. He is very upset and when I had finished telling him he got up and left and he is refusing to talk about it at all. I have asked him if he would just sit and talk to me. He said no. I told him that I am scared and that I need hi to talk to me. He said that this was all my fault and he didn't want to talk about it. He left the house and didn't return until late.
Today he has only spoken the bare minimum to me and once the DCs were in bed he just went upstairs.

I have a specialist appointment tomorrow which I have told him about, but he just ignored me.
I have no idea what to do. I need to talk to him about this because they are his babies to. I am so scared and I don't know how to get him to listen to me.
Any help?

[JennyFromTheBog]

It's like the thread a while ago. Pregnancy is 90% the woman's fault.

Well it's NOT. it's fifty per cent his 'fault'. He doesn't get to punish you. Tell who you need to tell. YOu need support. You need more support because he's being an ass.

[deleted203]

He might be in shock - but he's still a fucking tosser. How dare he refuse to talk and tell you 'it's all your fault'. Fuck yourself, did you? Oh no...you just failed to be as infertile as he assumed.

I think he is behaving appallingly at a time when you desperately need a lot of support from him. Do you have a close friend that could go to the appointment with you? Someone who will give you the support you need that you will not get from your childish DH?

[TrampyPants]

You clearly have an excellent gp, did they have a sonogram in the clinic? Were you not advised to use contraception, since having another baby is dangerous, no matter how low the risk of getting up the pole?

Sorry he is being such an arse though, I would be having stern words.

[PacificDogwood]

I'd be disappointed by his reaction, but don't disagree that your DH may need time to process the information. This is not uncommon with sudden, unexpected, unwanted news - for men and women.
How was your GP able to tell you you were expecting twins this time round?

I hope you DH comes round and you get somebody to come with you for your specialist appointment, but am glad you got it through so quickly.

[TrampyPants]

Quint, its a pretty poor state of affairs. My cons has never been so definitive, even after 14 mcs. Although he did advise us to use contraception, too risky he said.

Maybe talk things through with your fab gp?

[OnTheNingNangNong]

Where's this GP? He sounds awesome, I need the number.

[SolidGoldBrass]

Remember the guidelines everyone.

[VinegarDrinker]

Tbf visiting the GP 2 days ago could well have lead to an EPU scan today or yesterday.

[Freddiemisagreatshag]

How does the GP know all that? Don't you have to go to the hospital to find out if it's twins or not? Or have things changed that much since I had my last?

[ThatVikRinA22]

or the Op could be abroad. unfair.
a bit of compassion wouldnt go amiss. if its not real then so what. if it is there is a woman, pg with twins, and an unsupportive DH who is refusing to talk to her, who has posted for help.

[expatinscotland]

On the other hand, this doctor who told you you did not need to use contraception when it was known you had a fully intact and functioning reproductive system really let you down.

[ThatVikRinA22]

its not saturday expat....she could have been referred for a scan given her history, or gone private,

wtf is wrong with people.

[BriansBrain]

I'm sorry but you were told not to have any more children but didn't use contraception and now you are pregnant with twins means you should both be worried.

Your DH's reaction towards you is off but you should also take some responsibility as should he that you are now in a dangerous situation with this

[LittleFrieda]

Have you had sex doggie style? Because apparently that vastly increases the likelihood of twins. Especially when the eggs aren't Grade A

Good luck with the specialist appointment tomorrow (Saturday).

[lollystix]

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. I was in your position exactly 2 years ago when I found out I was 16 weeks with my unexpected 4th. DH was a dick and didn't speak to me for 2 weeks. I actually got really sick and hospitalised with unrelated condition and I think that really gave him a kick up the bum as it put it into perspective for him. I wasn't allowed to tell anyone till 20 weeks as he was too embarrassed?! At 34 weeks he was still refusing to talk about where the baby would sleep and I was so worried he wouldn't bond but he totally did and now all Is well but I suppose a little bit of me will never forgive him for his behaviour. It was all about 'him' with zero consideration on how I was feeling emotionally or physically. I'm not excusing your DH but he will need time. As usual us girls have to suck it up as they say

[OliviaMumsnet]

@SolidGoldBrass

Remember the guidelines everyone.

Thanks SGB
indeed

[JennyFromTheBog]

Obviously I don't know either way, but y'all always assume everybody is English. I've posted a few things over the years way back now, and then people pick holes in it if it doesn't tally exactly with what happens in the UK. And short of saying, look, i'm south african /Australian/Irish, or living in Spain, it was private, it was at the mount sainai clinic ok!? and then totally outing yourself, where you live and what clinic you attended - what can you say!?