Unwanted pregnancy,and DH will not talk to me.

[ohdearhelp]

I have name changed for this. I also don't think this is the right place but I need help and there is a lot of traffic here.
I have been with my DH for 10 years married for 8 and we have 4 lovely DCs.
I had our youngest 2 years ago and it nearly killed me. I was told after I had him that I could not have any more children. This was fine because we already have 4 and we both know how luck we are to have them.

Anyway I have been ill on and off for about 3 months and I had just put it down to a sickness bug. However DH was worried so I went to my local GP, 2 days ago and it turns out I am pregnant (about 16 weeks gone)with twins. They are small for their age but they are alive and the doctor believes that they are growing.

I am terrified and I had to wait until Dh came home to tell him. He is very upset and when I had finished telling him he got up and left and he is refusing to talk about it at all. I have asked him if he would just sit and talk to me. He said no. I told him that I am scared and that I need hi to talk to me. He said that this was all my fault and he didn't want to talk about it. He left the house and didn't return until late.
Today he has only spoken the bare minimum to me and once the DCs were in bed he just went upstairs.

I have a specialist appointment tomorrow which I have told him about, but he just ignored me.
I have no idea what to do. I need to talk to him about this because they are his babies to. I am so scared and I don't know how to get him to listen to me.
Any help?

[ThatVikRinA22]

hey amber im not upset,

i would just rather have egg on my face than ignore or worse someone in this position.

ive seen in the past that once someone smells a rat on a thread then everyone tends to pile in, i happened once on a thread of a poster i knew and i knew it was genuine, but it mattered not. the majority had decided it wasnt.
i suppose i try to keep an open mind, and see weird and wonderful things all the time.
i should probably toughen up and get much more cynical....but then i think thats why most police arent respected in the first place.


hey ho.

OP - i wish you well, and hope you get some advice and help in RL.

[Lueji]

Also:

www.gnosallsurgery.co.uk/clinics-and-services.aspx?t=1
www.botesdalehealthcentre.nhs.uk/page-24784
www.yaldingdoctors.nhs.uk/services/services/#Ultrasound-scans

[AmberLeaf]

Glad you're not upset

I know what you mean, but I think that the benefit of toughening up is self protection. If you believe everything you sort of end up feeling it all too.

Anyway, I'm out of this thread, as I don't have anything positive to add!

Take care Vicar.

[SolidGoldBrass]

People who are not medical professionals often mishear or misinterpret what a medical professional says to them. It's perfectly feasible that the OP muddled a warning against having another pregnancy with a warning that getting pregnant would be unlikely to lead to a live birth, or that conception was now unlikely due to damage done with the last birth. So she and her H might have believed that they no longer needed to use contraception.

So unless and until the OP's twins are born premature, with three heads each, while her H is shagging the neighbour's tortoise and Lord Lucan's riding Shergar round their back garden, perhaps a little benefit-of-doubt, people?

[UterusUterusGhali]

[Dereksmalls]

I assumed the GP had estimated 16 wks from date of last period.

OP, I hope you're ok and have been able to start talking. I know there have been some doubts expressed about the thread - it would be good if it wasn't true as obviously then the problem wouldn't exist.

[RantyMcRantpants]

OP I do so hope you are alright and I hope you can post elsewhere and get the support you so obviously need.

To the sceptics, if the OP lives abroad then the health system is vastly different to the uk. I injured a toe and it went went purple so I rocked up to the hospital and was signed in and immediately saw a nurse who took all the details and took my BP, oxygen levels, weight and a few other obs. I then went to the GP's waiting room and 15 mins later saw a GP who checked me over and said I needed an X-ray. I went straight to the X-ray dept and was seen within ten minutes. I was then sent back to the GP who I saw within ten minutes again. He checked my X-ray on the system and wasn't sure about something so he rang the xray dept and he had a discussion with a Dr there about the X-ray and they agreed that there wasn't a break so I was given a script for pain killers and anti bs and paid the equivilant of £10 at the desk for the service. Went to the pharmacy at the entrance to the hospital for free and went home.

DH went to the GPs at the hospital as he was extremely ill and saw a GP who diagnosed hypertension , he was immediately sent to the another dept and has had every test needed to be sure and be saw the specialist. He has been back twice now and seen the specialist with no fuss, bother or waiting. He had been going to the Drs in the uk with the same symptoms for two years prior to that and was told it wasn't a problem. The specialist here was shocked.

[veryuglyhouse]

Hope you're ok, OP.

I was once called on a Sunday morning by a consultant obstetrician as he'd realised that I was likely to be having an ectopic pregnancy. It was whipped out the next day.

Just sayin'. That was private btw.

[Littlemissexpecting]

OP hope your ok.
I've been to see my gp then seen at epau (early pregnancy assessment unit) within the maternity unit, mostly that day, once i got sent the next morning, and they are open over the weekend in the uk. It is possible. There I got scanned and assessed. This has happened 4 times, all referred with possible eptopic/miscarriage so it is plausible in the uk.
OP getting pregnant is a joint effort. I just hope if this is genuine, for your other children's sake, that everything goes well

[FuckOffMrBloom]

My local gp has an ultrasound dept.

[saintmerryweather]

You people sharing wine around on this thread make me sick, someone has posted looking for help and youre more worried about pulling the post apart so you can gleefully point out that details dont add up. this is the second time kn as many days ive seen this sort of bollocks happen on relationships and youre all just busy making the thread into a joke. if youve nothing helpful to say why dont you fuck off? Crying because youve been deleted on mn is a sign you need to step back from the internet.

I hope youre ok op ive nothing useful to say about your situation, but im sick of this attitude from some other posters

[Chubfuddler]

Bloody hell. I've seen much more outlandish OPs than this. Did everyone enjoy being pissed up on this thread last night? If this is real the op must be in bits. And very little chance of her coming back.

Well done mners

[JumpingJackSprat]

Agree with saintmerryweather and chubfuddler. chances are op is genuine and some troll hunters on this thread have probably ensured she wont post on relationships again. hope youre all very fucking proud of yourselves now that youve probably scared off a poster that needed help. wtf has happened to the relationship board recently.

[Lueji]

I do hope some people feel ashamed of themselves today.

Do you really want to take the risk of upsetting vulnerable people, without much more evidence than "my gp doesn't have an ultrasound"?

It should not matter if some threads are fake.
The situations described and the answers may well help lurkers and people come forward.
What are you afraid of? Getting involved? Then don't. Just stay away if you don't believe it, or report it.
Even get your facts right, and check if some GPs in the UK do have ultrasound machines, for example.

I really feel sad that some people can be so callous.

[JennyFromTheBog]

One of the posters cried because her comment was deleted. Can she and the others who called troll imagine how upsetting it would be to have your problem laughed at.

I've been in those shoes. Pretty much every time i post a problem here somebody yells troll and there's a pile in! I don't know why, it's not as though the things I've posted have stretched the imagination.

I think people get hung up on details, and like sgb says, people misinterpret and/or forget what their gp says, and as I said, not ever poster is necessarily in the UK. One of the issues I posted, it was a landlord / tennant issue, because the details didn't tally exactly with what happens in the UK, I was told I was lying, got loads of these faces thrown in too. Oh it's so tedious all the cynicism.

If you dno't believe the poster, phrase your reply so that it's a bit more theoretical.

[FuckThisShit]

Actually Jenny I did not call troll, and merely agreed with a previous poster who said how wonderful her GP was.

I cried simply because it was the final straw on the proverbial after a horrendous week, and it flicked the switch.

If the OP is genuine then she has nothing to fear for coming back asking for support and advice.

[Chubfuddler]

Nothing to fear? Seriously? Would you want to come back to ask for support and advice after this - she was asking for support and advice in her op. Look how well that went for her.

[FuckThisShit]

If it's genuine then why not. I would and I DID when I was called troll.

[AitchTwoOhOneTwo]

re the Saturday appointment, at least in our area it's now policy to use as many of the really expensive machines that they can on the weekends as well. makes TOTAL sense, the NHS has spent £xhundred thousand on an MRI scanner or whatever, why in god's name should it lie unused for two says every week. Staff get time and a half, patients get appointments, machine gets used before newer technology overwhelms it, everyone's a winner. i had a scan on my ankle done on a Sunday.

[FairhairedandFrustrated]

Sorry op.

I hope you get the support you need in real life.

I've been here as long as some of the 'wine drinkers' up thread and am stunned at the nastiness of it all.

[CajaDeLaMemoria]

I had a routine MRI and CT scan last Saturday. It was arranged on Saturday morning. NHS.

People don't want weekend appointments, so they can be very easy to get. And if your circumstances warrant it, you'll get them fast.

[saintmerryweather]

Fuckthisshit - youve had a shit week so you come onto someone elses thread and help turn it into a joke by passing round virtual fucking wine, which basically shows exactly what you think of the op and how serious you think her problems are.

You wouldnt like it if it happened to you so grow up ffs. fair enough if people aant to call troll and play stupid games in AIBU, its to be expected but if people post in this topic its because theyre looking for support

[DIYapprentice]

If it's genuine then why not. I would and I DID when I was called troll

Well hoo bloody rah for you!

Others may not feel strong enough to deal with the sort of crap that's been thrown at the op on this thread.

If you doubt the op, feel free to find another thread to post on and get the hell off a thread where the op clearly needs support.